Children of the Corn Every Last One!

 My lovely wife, Martha and I made a conscious decision to watch all eleven Children of the Corn films. That's right, you heard me. ALL ELEVEN!

Ahem.

So, here's how we're going to do this; each film with a small recap and mentions of famous people along the way. After I have finished this immense task I will give you my opinion of best to worst. Ready? This may take a minute.

  In 1984 all things were Stephen King. So much so that instead of adapting a novel this time they took a short story form Night Shift and made it a movie. The basic plot is the same as the story; kids listen to a crazy kid who communes with a beast with the clunky moniker of He Who Walks Behind The Rows. We all saw it. It was what it was. Linda Hamilton was it it so we were all good. Peter Horton plays his character as kind of an ass, but it's Peter Horton. He's done that a lot. We knew we were in trouble when they passed on Stephen King's script. What would the author know about making a movie, right? So, it has a very Hollywood feel to it and just an abrupt happy ending.

It falls in that whole, it needed to start somewhere and this was it.

It took nine years before the franchise took it's next step with an actual sequel that occurs days after the incident in the first film. The killer kids are farmed out to folks the next town over and, well you know what is going to happen when you let Corn Children loose in a town full of grown ups. A sub plot of a reporter and his son who is trying to redeem himself seems a little much, but the whole thing works way better than the original film. 

Two years later this masterpiece of wild cinema was given to the world. Eli and Joshua are running from their abusive father and Eli has the power of that long ass named beast. He also has a strain of corn that grows anywhere and fast. The end of world hunger or a plot to spread the word of that monster we all know. 

The thing that makes this work is the magnificent special effects of Kevin Yagher and Screaming Mad George. Back in the day when the make up artists were more important than who was in the film. Speaking of that Charlize Theron made her debut in this fever dream of a movie.

I'll just tell you that this one will be first on my list.

Even though part 3 had a perfect open ending for a sequel, the people who made this instead. Naomi Watts in an early role comes home to care for her mother Karen Black. It deals more with a legend of dead children, something that is touched on later in the series. Honestly, this one is kind of dull in the whole scheme of things so, lets move along.

You know what cliché the series hadn't done yet? If you say a group of teenagers wander into Corn Children territory then give yourself a gold star. With early performances by Alexis Arquette, Ahmet Zappa and Eva Mendes. 

This time the kids follow a man named Luke played by David Carradine (?!?) and the sheriff is none other than Fred Williamson doing his best Fred Williamson impersonation. What? You want more than that? Okay Kane Hodder is the bartender at the local watering hole.

When Allison, the leader of the teenagers finds out her long lost brother is there she has to intervene. Seems like a good idea except for the Corn Children and the fact they tend to be murdery when crossed.

The famous people in the film makes it bearable to watch and 83 minutes is a pretty lean running time to have to sit through. 

Now we come to part six of a franchise. It's when you hang everything on a gimmick Friday the 13th brought Jason back to life while Nightmare on Elm Street killed Freddy. (Yeah, we knew that would never take.)

What did Children of the Corn have?

Issac. Played by John Franklin who, having a growth hormone deficiency, never got much taller so it added to the illusion. Even though we all really wanted Malachi back from the original.

So, we had our gimmick and it seems Issac had been in a coma all these years until a girl returns that triggers all sorts of tomfoolery. Toss in Nancy Allen and Stacy Keach and you have a sequel. IS it a good sequel. Meh, the gimmick was clever.

But not that clever.

This is where the sequels start getting odd. The basic plot has a young lady, Jamie, come to check on her grandmother who lives in a weird apartment building. And there are a ton of weird ass kids in there. Our sole famous person would be Michael Ironside playing a priest trying to help.

It was cool seeing corn in an apartment building again, but not much is done with that.

There are like six sets in the entire film and it does do a good job of creating a claustrophobic environment. This is the one that triggered the bad idea in my brain of having a Children of the Corn TV series.   

It took ten years to get to what is just a freaky entry in the series. Billy Drago plays a cult leader of the Corn Children. Seems like grown ups aren't so bad now, hmmm? A couple get stranded and ask to use the phone. They getb stuck there and a child is locked up in the shed. Of course by now we all know the kid is some freaky kid and he proves it with what is one of my favorite scenes in the move. No, I'm not telling you. I had to watch eleven of these things so climb aboard. It also has a post credits scene that made me laugh out loud. The lower budget is obvious, but the director makes it work.

Director John Gulager brings us the final sequel, so far. of the series. The next two entries are the reboots. His trilogy of Feast films are a high point in way out cinema. This one, not so much. Ruth is one of the Corn Children and pregnant. She decides to leave, hence the title, and burns the corn fields to hide her getaway, killing many of the children in the process. They stay on the run for thirteen years before she decides it's time to stay in one place.
What a terrible idea.

Marci Miller as Ruth makes this movie. She reminds me of actor Amy Steel from Friday the 13th Part 2. We get Clu Gulager as a crusty old man named, well Crusty.

This movie is weird, but weird in a good way. They have fun doing kills and then rewinding it as Ruth just tries her best not to lose her shit in the world. Thirteen years on the road with a child would make anyone feral, but she was on original Corn Child so, it's worse. Way worse.

I liked this one. Very well done.

Between Revelation and Genesis director Donald P. Borchers tried something no one had ever done before. He followed the story originated by Stephen King to make one of the most brutal entries of the series. Unfortunately, nostalgia clouds many a mortals mind so this movie got slammed by pretty much everyone. The use of children the age that they should be made for a nightmare according to the director, but this thing works really well. It's like watching the short story unfold before your eyes. I can see why people don't  like it but, nostalgia is a helluva drug.

Now we come to the most recent remake after a five year gap. Heck, it even got a theatrical release! But, it plays more to the original and has so much CGI going on. He Who Walks Behind The Rows looks like crap. He's like a corn shaped Groot. I think they were spitballing ideas for this and said, what if the bad kid who leads them all is a girl this time. I get it. the other ten with the exception of Runaway had bad boy leaders. Why not. And the corn being infested with some kind of disease was new as well. And the downer ending is seriously dumb. Even for one of these movies.

Okay, ready for the list? 

 Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest

 Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

 Children of the Corn: Runaway

 Children of the Corn: 2009 first remake

 Children of the Corn 666: Issac's Return

 Children of the Corn V:Fields of Terror

 Children of the Corn: Genesis

 Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering

 Children of the Corn: The original one

 Children of the Corn: Revelation

 Children of the Corn:2023 Remake

Feel free to comment and argue. This was a lot of fun. Next we're doing Puppetmaster films!

 

ALIEN COUNTRY (2024)

 

Directed by Boston McConnaughey

Written by Boston McConnaughey and Renny Grames

Starring Renny Grames and K.C. Clyde

Loser Jimmy(K.C. Clyde) and Everly (Renny Grames) are stuck in a nowhere town out in the desert. She has dreams of being a singer, while Jimmy just wants Everly to like him. Because of a minor indiscretion Everly is pregnant with Jimmy's child.

To make matters worse, this little town has been visited by aliens and left things behind that Jimmy and Everly accidentally activate to open a portal to an alien world that has monsters that escape back to our world to wreak havoc.

Now they need to fight an alien invasion that they are responsible for and Jimmy, who's biggest dream is to win the demolition derby to impress Everly who just wants to get the Hell out of town.

In a world of sequels, prequels and reimagining classics films that don't need it, Alien Country brings a breath of fresh air to the sci fi genre that is sorely needed. K.C. Clyde is hilarious as Jimmy and he and Renny as Everly have a unique chemistry onscreen that just makes the movie.

The creatures are pretty good looking monsters that are their own thing, not a copy cat of all the monsters that have gone before and you have a well done, well written sc fi comedy that hits all the right buttons and hurtles to a wild conclusion.

This is a great movie. You really need to watch it.

Thank me later. 

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Terror of the Master (1998)

For me Jeff Kirkendall comes from the many roles he has played in Polonia Bros films. But as fine an actor as he is, he also does a great job behind the camera. His anthology film Halloween Horror Tales (2018) is outstanding and very original. 

So, when the opportunity to see his 1998 feature Terror of the Master came along, how could I say no? Being a huge fan of the old school SOV films I was glad to see that this was of that particular genre. 

It's the tale of Drew Thompson (Maitely Weissman) who, along with her sister Amelia (Jennifer Birn) own a small antique shop. Drew is also a reporter for a local TV station, mostly doing fluff pieces even though she wants, like all reporters, to find that big break. When a terrified young woman comes into her shop and leaves as quickly as she arrives, Drew finds out that she is the latest victim in missing young women.

The answers to all the disappearances are supernatural in nature, vampires to be specific, but a clever one who uses a ring of bank robbers to keep him safe and supplied with the virgin blood he needs to survive. Now Drew and Amelia must defeat this monster and save each other from his grasp.

This is a fun vampire movie. My biggest point of curiosity was that Jeff Kirkendall, Tim Hatch and James Carolus were all in it and it is from the ancient times of 1998. Twenty four years ago. I feel it necessary to pick on Jeff, a little, for the mullet. I barely recognized a younger, thinner James and to be honest, I needed to read the credits to realize that Tim Hatch was the kindly station worker Leon.

SOV from the 90s are notorious for being hit or miss. Terror of the Master is a definite hit and I had a great time watching it.

Thanks Jeff. 

SHINGLES:THE MOVIE!

 Coming soon from filmmaker extraordinaire, Steve Rudzinski (CarousHELL 1 and 2) The anthology film you didn't know you needed.

But let's hear it from the director himself;

Shingles the Movie is a hilarious, weird, and bloody addition to the horror anthology genre that I believe fans of the book series and new audiences that never heard of Shingles will appreciate and have a blast with. As a lifelong fan of horror, I have seen plenty of Horror Anthology films. Over the years one of my biggest takeaways was how there were many that used a different creator on each short story, leading to interesting tonal or style differences. On one hand this can be great, as it exposes the audience to different takes on the genre in one film. On the other hand this can make it so folks always have one single story in an anthology they don’t like at all (or even cases where one story is all they enjoy). This feeling always gave me the interest in making an anthology with only me as the director: multiple stories with one main creator that would, for better or for worse, make the whole film feel more cohesive and connected. This was something I never got around to making. Until the day I was found by the Authors & Dragons. They were a group of authors who wrote multiple books, had a relatively large fanbase around the world, and were big fans of CarousHELL. They approached me to adapt their book series Shingles into a feature film as a Producer and Director. They already adapted five books from their long running series into a screenplay and wanted me to read it to both gauge the budget and just if I’d be interested. I never felt the need to mention I always wanted to make an anthology. We went back and forth a bit, as they were used to only writing for the page and I had to explain some stuff in the script was not needed or far too expensive for a single gag, but we came to a wonderful compromise on a final script and I gladly accepted the job of turning THEIR babies into something people would watch for years. I immediately brought on Aleen Isley as my Line Producer and Scott Lewis as cinematographer/editor to complete the Trinity, knowing how well we make fun films together after nearly a decade of being a team. We talked about ideas and how to best work this creatively. Scott introduced handling the different ways he would handle the camera between each story, such as explicitly sticking with a tripod for most of one story while wanting to be all handheld for another story. I introduced the simple idea of each story having its own specific color lighting. Aleen solved many of the questions we had in the story of where and how we could shoot certain sequences, being completely invaluable in processes of both pre-production and production. As we approach the final product, I have to say I’m really happy with the sort of Horror Anthology we delivered. I think the Authors of the books will love how their vision has been adapted to screen, I think fans of the books will enjoy seeing how the films both differ from and embrace the book stories, and I think new audiences will be able to love what they’ll think is a brand new & original wacky comedy with a bunch of cool practical effects. It scratches a sort of nostalgic itch with what feels like the soul of 90s horror books while also feeling like a fresh new take on horror anthologies. At the end of the day I make movies because I hope they make people smile and feel good, even if it’s only temporary. I truly hope Shingles the Movie makes that happen to folks for years to come. -Steve Rudzinski 

CARNIVAL MAGIC (1983)

So, this is what you would call an impulse buy. Severin Films was selling it for three bucks. Three bucks, how can you go wrong with three bucks? Plus, Al Adamson directed it? Sure, what could go wrong?

So, Carnival Magic tells the story of a small carnival that is failing. The biggest draw would be the tiger tamer, Kirk (Joe Cirillo). An alcoholic, abusive jerk. Stoney (Mark Weston) and his daughter Ellen (Jennifer Houlton) try to keep things going, but they need a miracle.

The miracle comes in the form of their magician Markov (Don Stewart) who happens to have a friend named Alex who happens to be a talking chimpanzee. With the addition of Alex to his act soon the carnival is thriving, much to the dismay of Kirk.

To add insult to injury, Markov saves Kirk from a mauling by a tiger because he was drunk.

Now Kirk, along with an evil doctor, who wants to study Alex hatch a plot to get rid of Alex once and for all.

Carnival Magic is one of those unique films that defies description. The driving force behind the entire film is producer Elvin Feltner who produced one other feature Teenage Strangler (1964). Listening to the commentary by Feltner on the DVD he explains how he directed a few of the scenes, lent the production his girlfriend for a silly chase scene where the monkey is driving a car, and wrote the original story as well. 

When you watch it you need to realize that he spent nearly a quarter of a million dollars to make Carnival Magic. That sounds like a lot, but he used 35mm, actually paid his actors and released it when there were not a lot of kiddie flicks being made. And that's what this is; a G rated kiddie flick. 

The disc by Severin is just full of extras. There's an additional Al Adamson kid flick called LOST, with Jack Elam and Sandra Dee. A ton of outtakes for Carnival Magic, the aforementioned commentary. A TV Spot and Movie trailer and something where people I have never heard of talk about the film. Probably gonna skip that. The commentary with Feltner is required listening. There are rushes for an unproduced film called The Happy Hobo.

A lot of the quotes and reviews of the film seem a little mean spirited and I just don't see it. I had a great time watching this movie. It's like a time capsule for a more innocent time. The scenes of the carnival at night in the warm summer air filled me with a wonderful sense of nostalgia.

Carnival Magic is a great film.  

CarousHELL The 2nd

 

Time is funny. If you told me it had been five years since I attended a viewing of the original CarousHELL at Cinema Wasteland I would say it felt much shorter. The first film gives us the blood soaked rampage of a unicorn from a carousel named Duke. It is such a gory, funny, sleazy film.

When director Steve Rudzinski told us he was going to make a sequel, well how could you say no to something like that?

After a successful Kickstarter, we are finally graced with the finished product.

At a brief 70 minute run time we are given the actual 'why' behind Duke and his need to just kill everyone.

Duke discovers that he has a son from his wild and crazy sex from the first film. Where Duke is a relatively motionless carousel unicorn, his son, Robbie, is realized with a well done puppet that reminded me a little of Falkor The Luck Dragon from Neverending Story.

We also discover that Duke is the result of Nazi experimentation and those responsible haver discovered a form of immortality using human blood.

Led by the despicable Ilsa (Of course, she had to be named Ilsa) they are now ready to capture Robbie to see what secrets he holds and use him as bait to recapture Duke after all these decades.

Where the first film is a literal rampage, this sequel brings the tenderness of discovering your roots and a child you never knew you had. Duke is absolutely invested in his son and will do anything to stay with him. But, Duke knows he's a monster and never tries to hide that fact from anyone.

Except for his son.

There are some great kills in this movie. I like the nod to Friday the 13th Part 5. 

The bumbling Nazis are hilarious, especially one who is constantly using different disguises, but looks exactly the same and gives way too much back story anytime he comes into contact with Duke.

The bumpers after the credits add fuel to the fires of future films and this is how you do a sequel. Make it something new and different.

Just when you think you've figured out how this should go, it takes a sharp left, invites you along for the ride and you're glad you did.

If you were foolish and didn't manage to back the Kickstarter, you can still order the film at Rudzinski's web site at;

https://silverspotlightfilms.storenvy.com/

And if you haven't seen the first one, order that one as well. You kind of need to see that first. I mean you can watch just the sequel, but the first one is not only awesome, but kind of necessary here, folks. 

The Butcher #20: Hollywood Assassin

 

Before we get started; this is the only book I have read in this series. I'm more of a Nick Carter guy, but who am I to judge?

So this fella Bucher, they call him The Butcher. He used to be a top man for the syndicate but then decided he wanted out.

No one gets out of the syndicate so now he has a quarter of a million dollar price tag on his head. He also now works freelance for a secret government group called White Hat. And some government officials young daughter has been seduced by the bright lights of Hollywood.

Only problem is that one of the biggest studios has been taken over by the syndicate where they shoot high end porn.

So, Bucher needs to find her and not get killed by his former employers in the process.

Seems pretty easy, right?

This is a pretty violent and graphic book. We get a lot of gruesome descriptions of what happens when Bucher shoots someone. Gun noises also factor in quite a bit.

It was a fast enjoyable read, but there really is nothing here to make me search for other books in the series.