EVIL BONG 420 (2015)

Tim Lucas once said that to understand a Jess Franco movie you need to watch all of Jess Franco's movies.
I agree with that statement and have been pursuing that dream for decades.
I think the same could be said for Charles Band.
The man knows how to create a franchise. With titles like Trancers of which there are six and Puppet Master which I believe is up to ten, Band knows what he is doing.
I had the good fortune of meeting Charles Band when he attended Cinema Wasteland last year. He announced his Full Moon Streaming and I was hooked. I also got him to sign my Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn poster for me.
See, I am one of the fortunate ones who remember the video store. Full Moon gave me a lot of fantastic product to wade through.
And they still do.
As for Evil Bong, I was first introduced to her from the mash up flick that I purchased at the convention; Gingerdead Man versus Evil Bong. I was already familiar with Gingerdead Man because he was voiced by Gary Busey and I am a huge Busey fan so, yes I watched them. My favorite is when he traveled back to the 70's, the era of roller disco in Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.
Clever title.
When I got the streaming service I immediately went in and watched some favorites like Puppet Master and Trancers. And my real Full Moon Favorite; Doctor Mordrid.
Jeffrey Combs is the man!
Then I decided to make an effort and watched the first Evil Bong.
I liked it. Low brow pot humor. Tommy Chong. And, something I thought was interesting...no one died. Sure, it looked like they did when they were sucked into the world of the Evil Bong, but at the end everyone is fine.
Next came Evil Bong 2: King Bong, which was also funny and kept the same string of characters. My favorite is always Rabbit (Sonny Carl Davis) who I fondly remembered from Trancers 2. He got killed in that one so, not sure how he survived, but he did and he's hilarious. Evil Bong 3: The Wrath of Bong added the extra flavor of an Evil Bong from outer space.
These all work because they take place in limited spaces, either outside or in one or two sets. Keep the same actors from film to film and you have a formula. Especially, if people watching them like to smoke pot. I myself have not partaken in years, but I remember what it was like.
We throw in the aforementioned Gingerdead Man Versus Evil Bong and that brings us to the newest addition to the family;
Evil Bong 420.
Now, Rabbit has escaped from the Weed World and stole a ton of Evil Bong's special weed. He sells enough to buy a bowling alley and makes it a topless bowling alley. Of course he does,
God Bless Charles Band.
Rabbit has also invented a device called The Weed Blower that shoots thick, green clouds of primo weed that makes everyone happy and, if there are two girls standing next to each other, extremely horny.
Again, God Bless Charles Band.
Back in Weed World Evil Bong is pissed that Rabbit got away so she and Gingerdead Man make their way back to reality and the bowling alley to bring Rabbit back and let Gingerdead Man make with a little mayhem.
At a too brief running time Band manages to fill the screen with weed, boobs, references to other Full Moon films (I'm looking at you Ooga Booga) and leave us wanting for more.
There will be more, right?
There had better be more and who knows? With his streaming service Evil Bong could become a series. That would actually be pretty cool.
So, on this notorious day of 4/20 why not slip into the world of Evil Bong 420.
There are much worse ways to spend 53 minutes and this one is as funny as the rest.

Cinema Wasteland April 2015 Report

Twice a year I make my way to Strongsville, Ohio for the best convention on the planet... Cinema Wasteland! For quite some time my lovely wife, Martha Waltz has been my companion on the trip and it has been a great time. We started bringing some of our children, mainly our daughters and this year my youngest, Dan, would be making his first trip with us.
The things I was most excited about were meeting Peter Spellos and Jim Wynorski. I am sad if you don't know who that is. Go look them up ya uneducated goons!  Also the biggest panel of stars from George Romero's Dawn of the Dead would be in attendance. I had purchased a VHS copy of Munchie Strikes Back to have Peter and Jim sign. Yeah, I left that at home...bummer.
So, we get there and I was excited to see a movie first thing Friday at 5. MUTANTIS! I had no preconceived notions on how this was going to go and was so happy when I saw a great, laugh out loud horror comedy the likes of which I had never seen before. A great way to start the weekend.
Later there was a panel with adult film stars Long Jeanne Silver and Carter Stevens. I had purchased the big box VHS of her film to help get her there and it was already signed so I didn't feel it was necessary to have her sign it again. We picked up the one and only Henrique Couto's new film, Awkward Thanksgiving. It is always great to connect with Mr. Couto. Mike Watt and the lovely Amy Lynn Best premiered their new film, Razor Days. It reminded me of a revenge film made by Jess Franco. I assured Mike that this was a compliment coming from me.
The other film I was looking forward to was Bill Zebub's newest opus Holocaust Cannibal. I was doubly excited because Erin Brown a.k.a. Misty Mundae was going to be there.
Yeah, that didn't go so well. She had one event thing to do, introduce the movie, and she couldn't bother to wake up to do it. And when I talked to her she seemed a little...I don't know, off? Kind of a let down.
Peter Spellos, on the other hand, was awesome. We talked for quite some time and when Jim Wynorski arrived it was great! We talked about his stuff and I got a signed copy of Lost Empire. Peter signed a poster for me and I told them both that I left my VHS at home.
My son, Dan, has a web series called Dan VS. The Bus. His number one fan is Mike 'Gonzo' Specht and he was so excited to meet Dan.
A Ghastlee Ghoul's Nite At The Movies had me defending my title of 42 Questions with 42nd Street Pete. I even had a two point handicap and won by a landslide. Good times. Martha and the kids got prizes as well and all was good.
Ghastlee had been sick so I was glad to see him.
Dan was amazed at Saturday's Hardcore Wrestling Hour and I think that Toby Klein is his new hero.
My buddy Stew and his friend Dimitri also came down for the event and we decided to what we refer to as the Doormat pizza from Leonardo's. It is huge and fed all six of us. Maybe a little too well. Urf.
On Saturday we went to the Brew Kettle for lunch and Stew wanted to try a new beer they had. I had something called The Triple Pig. It was good but the meat to bread ratio was off. Too much bread for me.
I got every movie I wanted with the exception of Nathan Rumler's new flick The Chubbies. I tried to get one from him after the screening, but he was drunk and had lost his pants. Oh well.
The Day of the Dead panel was packed. So many great stories and I video taped the whole thing. As I am writing this at work I will add pictures and video links at a later date, but I think this might have been one of the best Cinema Wastelands in my years of going.
So much fun. 

MAGGIE (2015)

 I don't know how this could be anything but either extremely bad or just heart breaking. Either way I see no reason to watch the thing. Yeah for saving time and money. Thanks Mr. Schwarzenegger!

That Batgirl Cover

I almost did this over at Penguin Comics and then realized it would fit better here. Why? This deals more with pure exploitation than anything else. Ballyhoo that would make the late, great Dave Friedman weep tears of unadulterated joy.







Check out the picture above. It's part of the cover for a variant cover for DC Comics Batgirl #41. I didn't bother with the entire picture because this is enough. Enough to have recently broke the internet.
Before we get into that let me explain that this would have appeared on a variant cover issue of Batgirl #41 at an inflated cover price. Some people like these variant covers. Me? Not a fan.
It seems that artist Rafael Albuquerque requested that it be pulled. Yeah, sure he did. More on that in a minute.
The cover is inspired by Alan Moore/Brian Bolland's The Killing Joke. An excellent graphic novel that pits Batman and The Joker against one another, gives us a possible Joker origin story and Joker shoots Batgirl in the gut and does unspeakable things to her. This story line cripples her and she becomes the wheelchair bound Oracle.
Now she's Batgirl again because DC is, well stupid most of the time. It is also the 75th anniversary of the introduction of The Joker so DC is doing all these variant covers to celebrate a psychotic mass murderer.
Rafael Albuquerque decided to use The Killing Joke as inspiration for his cover.
No one liked it, including the artist.
Right?
Okay, maybe, but realize this;
Before this, unless you read the new, sucky version of Blue Beetle or American Vampire did you even know who Rafael Albuquerque was? Now, because he wanted to do the right thing everyone knows his name.
Coincidence? Yeah, I'm not buying it. This thing has blown up in such a way that everyone who cares about comic books and controversy know his name.
Nice bit of marketing. Plus he got paid for a cover that he didn't have to deliver. I wonder what someone is going to offer him for the original and you know people with disposable income are already looking into that option.
Another thing; The Killing Joke is a 27 year old comic book. Twenty-Seven! How many current readers of Batgirl are old enough to have read it. Yeah, it's still in print, but that's a pretty old comic in the grand scheme of things and fans of that would love this cover as its intended homage.
I think that DC is a business and is in the market to make people look at them as much as possible. As it was once said;
Even bad press is good press.
It's a comic book. That's it. I'm starting to wonder if all these super hero movies are tapping into some weird collective unconsciousness that is making a larger cross section of people weigh in on something that they didn't care about ten years ago.
Or people are assholes.
Yeah, let's just go with that.

Laurie Anderson & The Kronos Quartet: LANDFALL

I have adored Laurie Anderson since I first watched the music video O Superman on MTV back when they showed music videos. My first actual music purchase was United States Live. I got it on cassette.
My world was changed for the better. I went back and got Big Science, Mister heartbreak and Home of the Brave. Since then I have also owned United States Live on CD and finally on vinyl. I have been trying to collect as many of them as possible on vinyl.
I also have the United States Live book and the Home of the Brave movie.
I feel that Laurie Anderson is the musical equivalent of Jess Franco.  You have to listen to all of it to comprehend it as a whole.
I have had two other opportunities to see her live and financial stuff being what it was, it failed both times.
Now, she was playing her newest piece, Landfall, with the Kronos Quartet in Chicago. Chicago is close enough and the tickets were reasonable, so my lovely Martha said we could go.
I am really not a big city fan. Walking in them is fine, but driving through them is a nightmare. Luckily, Martha drove and that made it all the better.
We always get the time change wrong and leave too early so we went to the Chicago Cultural Center and saw some amazing art. We saw a record store and on the way back there was a comic book store, but we had to get to the performance.
It was amazing.
As they started to play I smiled, but then it came time for one of her spoken interludes that are sprinkled throughout the piece.
That voice I had listened to for decades was in the same room with me.
I smiled even more.
The rest of the performance went too quickly for me and it was over.
I am glad that I finally got to see Laurie Anderson in concert. The thing that made me the happiest was that the theater seats a little over 1500 people. My love of Laurie Anderson is pretty much a singular one in the cultural wasteland of Kalamazoo. To see that many people there to see this person that I have adored for thirty years brought me as much joy as the performance itself.
Sometimes it's a good thing to know that you're not alone in the big, wide world.
Such a good time.   
    

TIGER LOVE A.K.A. REN HU LIAN (1977)

I have been getting deeper and deeper into the 200 film set Drive In Cult Classics Collection. I am going to have to come up with some short hand for that damned thing. from now on I think we'll refer to it as DRIVE-IN 200. Sound good? Good!
So, TIGER'S LOVE. We have a couple in love who have to run away because their families are feuding. They are stopped by the grandfather of the girl who tells her that she must marry her cousin. (um, ewwwww!) She is already pregnant by the man she loves so she refuses. The grandfather's cronies beat the man to death and she throws herself from the cliff.
Instead of plummeting to her death her fall is stopped by a tree branch. Under the tree branch is a tiger who, when she spots the beast, makes her piss herself and it lands on the tiger. There is an old legend that if a woman kisses a tiger they are her slave. She thinks the piss must have the same effect on the tiger. Regardless, the tiger stays with her as she gives birth and helps raise her son. He even teaches the boy some tiger kung fu in the process.
The boy is curious and goers to a nearby village. He discovers that his father is alive. He also discovers a beautiful girl who is from the warring family?
Yeah, it seems that we are fated to go through this whole story again with the ancestors of the original two from the beginning of the movie.



It is pretty much a typical kung fu flick. The hits all sound like a broomstick on a plastic couch. The dubbing tries to match mouth movement which is always awkward. I've seen hundreds of these and nothing could prepare me for the end.
The young boy's mother is killed. This allows the tiger to kill it's 100th human victim. Now it can change its shape and turn into a psychotic old woman with huge teeth and claws who proceeds to kill everyone from the warring family, holding them responsible for the death of her friend.
That little jog to the left straight into the head scratching valley of what did they just do? MAde Tiger Love more than just your typical kung fu flick.
It made it awesome.



One worry is the tiger used in the film. There's a scene where the young boy is playing with the tiger and it comes at him and knocks him down. They freeze frame the shot and the boy has a look of pure terror. We never see him again so I just assume the tiger ate the kid. I'm also pretty sure that tiger messed up some other people in the production, but have no proof.
Still, a pretty epic kung fu flick.  

KARATE KIDS U.S.A. a.k.a. LITTLE DRAGONS (1979)

Directed by Curtis Hanson
Written by Harvey Applebaum, Louis G. Atlee, Rudolph Borchet and Alan Ormsby
Cinematography by Stephen Katz

As part of my 200 movie set Drive In Cult Cinema Collection, this may be one of the better, more interesting films in the set. I included the cinematographer in the credits because he has done things like The Blues Brothers. I know when you see four writers you wince a little, but two of them only have this film as a credit and the third guy wrote a little televsion. I'm guessing they hired Ormsby to fix the script.
So, we have a pair of brothers at their Karate dojo. The instructor Pat E. Johnson was a referee in all three Karate Kid movies. They leave after practice to go fishing with their grandpa who they only call J.J. (Charles Lane). He has bought an old klunker of an RV and they are on their way camping. They get passed by a new, sleek RV that houses the Forbinger family Dad (Rick Lenz), Mom (Sharon Clark) and their daughter, Carol  (Sally Boyden).

Unfortunately, the Forbingers get lost and then get their RV stuck. Luckily, help comes in the form of a pair of hill billy brothers, Yancey (Joe Spinell) and Carl (John Chandler) who get them out of their predicament and send them on their way. Anyone who has seen Joe SPinell in a movie knows this encounter will just lead to something bad. And since I remember John Chandler as the baddie from Adventures in Babysitting we know it can't be good. They report back to their momma, Angel (Ann Sothern) who decides they should rob the Forbingers of all their fancy RV stuff.

One mishap follows another and the boys kidnap young Carol and her dog, Rufus. They decide it's a way to make some serious cash quick.
Soon, the FBI are involved, the karate boys get help from a motorcycle gang led by Donnie Williams of Battle Creek Brawl fame. They enlist the other kids from the dojo and soon it's the karate kids versus the kidnappers.
This was a fun flick. They didn't go the silly route like a lot of films would and they had no problem putting a large amount of children in peril. When the dojo gets rides from the motorcycle gang and they are all tooling down the road it's pretty obvious they didn't have any stunt doubles.

I was amazed that they got as the karate master, Bong Soo Han who is considered the master of Hapkido and taught Billy Jack to kick ass. This movie is full of little surprises like that. The whole movie is pointing at the screen and saying, 'Hey! I know that guy!'. I love movies like that.
Kind of a shame they don't make movies that don't really fit any kind of predetermined mold any more.
Karate Kids U.S.A. kicks ass!

Here is a link to enjoy the entire film if you like;