The Thing: Some Thoughts On The New Film

I love The Thing. For the juvenile amongst you, insert your snicker here. I have read the John W. Campbell story. The original with James Arness as a giant, malevolent carrot still gives me the creeps.

I have seen the John Carpenter version more times than most people would admit and it is probably one of my favorite flicks. The Playstation 2 video game plays like an epic sequel to the film.
In other words; I Love The Thing. If you need to snicker again, now would be an appropriate time.

So, this sequel/prequel thingie.
What about that?
Well, they aren't trying to make a duplicate of the Carpenter flick so, that's a good thing, right?
Kind of.
See, with a prequel we already know what's going to happen. The Norwegian camp is a charred husk in the beginning of Carpenter's flick. Heck, it's an abandoned wasteland in Howard Hawk's original vision. None of the people in this flick are going to make it out alive.
And, if they do, then it's a cheat.
An unforgivable cheat.
All that being said; Am I going to see this flick?
Yeah, probably.
The true downside of the movie will be it's reliance on CGI effects. Rob Bottin's spectacular, practical effects didn't need it. Sure, they didn't exist, but I'd like to think he wouldn't have used them.
Now, why would I watch it?

Here's your reason:

I doubt she's going to show much skin, but I like her in whatever she's in. Death Proof, Scott Pilgrim...you get the idea.
Besides, it doesn't violate my rules of remakes and I love a good horror flick in the ice and cold. I think it's because I live in Michigan.
Go figure.

The Murder Mansion

I bought the Chilling Mega Set a while back and decided to leaf through and see what I might have missed. The Murder Mansion (1972) is a clever little film even if the description of the film leads you to think you're getting something else.
A group of various people, caught by a thick fog, all wind up at the same deserted mansion next to a graveyard. You get the old, married couple, a hip, young couple who have just met, a hot rodding, hard drinking douchebag, a frightened young woman and their hostess for the night. The hostess owns the mansion, but does not live there. The fog trapped her as well.
But all is not what it seems.
A Spanish/Italian co production, The Murder Mansion or La Mansion de la niebla as it was originally known, is an atmospheric, tight little thriller. It takes a while to warm up, but when it gets going this is a fun flick. I did make the joke to the lovely Martha about halfway through that for a movie with murder in the title, the murdering was conspciously absent.
I would like to mention the guy on the motorcycle. The actor is Andres Resino  and he rides that thing everywhere! Through snow and sleet and fog. It was the snow that fascinated me the most. No where in America have I seen people use a motorcycle as transportation during the winter.  Why not? Sure, there might be control issues on ice, but clear streets abound in the winter. Why don't we use this fuel efficent form of transportation more often?
I'll bet as gasoline gets more expensive we will see this more often.
As for the movie; a well done, atmospheric thriller that once it gets going pays off in spades.  

 

NETFLIX, WHAT THE %$!@#$!

Okay, many moons ago we got a Wii. We had wireless so we were able to get Netflix Instant, or whatever they call it.
Who is in charge of this???
Last night we watched Return Of The Living Dead.
Very cool.
Then I thought it would be fun to watch Part 2.
No chance.
BUT THEY HAD PART THREE?!?!?
If you have a series of films I can understand having just the first part. But the first and third part? That makes zero sense.
It's bad enough that the navigation for Netflix is atrocious, but things like that make them look bad.
OF course they don't care because they are the only game in town. They had no issues when they hiked up their prices for the poor saps who still get the red envelopes and didn't care. So, why are they going to give one, solitary crap what I have to complain about.
Unless a lot of people complain.
Yeah, not gonna happen.
People are sheep and will ignore this. In reality, Netflix probably saved me because I remember Return Of The Living Dead Part 2 as being a truly awful film.
But, Netflix?
Let me decide.

DC Comics 52

Right up front I want to explain that this might be a long post. I'm going to give my opinion on all 52 new titles from DC Comics, right here. I will sprinkle some pretty pictures along the way.
Go get a beverage.
Ready?
Good, here we go!

And they are all number one so I'm not typing that 52 times. Keep up willya?

Justice League - Um, this looks dumb. Where the Hell is my Justice Society? Dumbasses!
Wonder Woman - Art looks great. Probably won't buy it.
The Flash - Looks kinda stupid.
The Fury of Firestorm - Pass. I'd rather read Nova.
Captain Atom - Looks stupid. Pass.
Green Arrow - Um, this storyline ain't doing it for me. Pass.

The Savage Hawkman - Now we are talking! Taking Hawkman to his roots with some wicked art. Buy!
DC Universe Presents - Starting off with Deadman is a step in the right direction. Buy, for now.
Mister Terrific - Didn't he lose his intelligence recently? Pass.
Action Comics - Short sleeves and jeans?? PASS!
Superman - Red underwear gone and what looks like armor on his shins?!? Pass.
Supergirl - I like the idea that she doesn't like humans. I'll check it out.
Superboy - PASS!
Batman - Ancient Conspiracies? Um, pass.
Detective Comics - I want to see if they remember that he is a detective in this comic so, I'll check in for a couple of issues.
Batwoman - I always liked me some BAtwoman. I might get this.
Batman: The Dark Knight - Pass!
Batman and Robin - This should be a fun title. It doesn't look fun. Pass.
Batwing - No. Looks really stupid.

Batgirl - Barbara Gordon is back! I'm sold. Buy!
Nightwing - Nope.
Catwoman - Nope.
Birds of Prey - Uh, uh.
Red Hood and the Outlaws - Forget it.
Green Lantern - This might suck more than the movie.
Green Lantern Corps - I'm gonna have to check the first couple of issues to see if they get Guy Gardner right.
Green Lantern:New Guardians - NO!
Red Lanterns - HELL NO!

Justice League Dark - This looks so damned cool. Buy!
Swamp Thing - Will have to check it out first.
Animal Man - Check it out and then decide.
Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. - You know I'm getting this one.
I, Vampire - Blech! No.
Resurrection Man - Um, no. Looks stupid.

Demon Knights - Medieval tales of The Demon. I am so there!
Stormwatch - I think I threw up in my mouth a little right there.
Voodoo - Why does she look like Elektra???
Grifter - No.
Suicide Squad - I am always intrigued with Suicide Squad. I'll see how it does.
Deathstroke - No.
All-Star Western - Jonah Hex dovetailed with Gotham City and Amadeus Arkham? Sounds pretty good in my book.

O.M.A.C. - I'll check it out. I hope it's good.

Blackhawks - Not WW2? Not interested.
Men of War - A modern day Sgt. Rock??? No way!
Teen Titans - Pass.
Static Shock - I like the cartoon, but I don't see shelling out money for the title.
Hawk and Dove - One of my favorite twosomes. I hope they don't screw it up.
Blue Beetle - Not Ted Kord? Not interested in the slightest.
Legion Lost - Not a fan of Legion of Super Heroes.
Legion of Super Heroes - See above.

So, if you are keeping score, I'm willing to stick my neck out for about a dozen titles. I know that some of them will fall by the wayside, but that's not a bad average of books.

Cue The Meltdown.

I want to show you something.

Recognize it? Yeah, the only answer is yes. Sam Peckinpah gave us one of the most intense films of all time. It is, above all, a study in character. It shows a division of the classes and what happens when you play with fire.

It is an intense film and once seen is hard to forget.

Now, I want to show you this:

Before we begin, I would like to caution readers that I have no intention of censoring any sort of profanity that comes from this.

You have been warned.

See, Martha and some of the kids and I went to see The Smurfs this afternoon. Yes, I said The Smurfs. Don't judge me.

Anyway, as I went to refill our soda before the movie started I saw the second poster up there at the beginning of this article.

Before I knew what happened I managed to stop my hand for reaching for the poster. Reaching for it to tear it from the wall, shred it and piss on it right there in front of the gaggle of children that were off to see The Smurfs.

I commended myself for the control I exercised and went back to see The Smurfs, which was delightful. I will see it again when it comes to video and would see a second one.

On the way out we had to pass that damnable poster again.

Remakes should be remade for the following reasons.

1. Technology has advanced so far that the special effects would actually improve the film. This is not always true. The Day The World Stood Still is a perfect example of this exception.

2. The original is an ancient silent film where some dialogue and updating couldn't hurt. Once again, this is not always true. While I like Herzog's Nosferatu, I still watch the original more often.

3. The film is based on literature first. In this case it is a re imagining of another medium. This is not a remake, ever.

Now, let's examine Straw Dogs.

Does the film require new, flashy special effects? No. Is it an ancient silent film? No. IS it a work of literature? Well, unfortunately, yes. It's based on Gordon Williams novel The Siege of Trenchers Farm. Because of that it does fall within the rules that I set forth.

You know what?

Fuck the rules!

This is Straw Dogs! This is one of the greatest films of all times. Dustin Hoffman is so great in this flick. This is a no holds barred punch to the jugular whenever you watch it. When the film is over you have been there, side by side with Dustin Hoffman as he fights what he believes to be the fight of the righteous.

I am getting sick and tired of all these fucking remakes. Time to show these idiots who's the boss.

Recently, Stephen Bissette called for a boycott on all Marvel Comics properties that are based on the works of Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby's children got shafted recently in a court decision and Bissette feels that the only way to show Marvel who is boss is to boycott anything that Kirby touched in the Marvel Universe.

Good for him.

Now, I am calling for a boycott on all remakes.Especially this abomination that dares to call itself Straw Dogs. If no one sees it or God knows what is next down the pike, then maybe we can make a difference.

Unless they are shooting for a tax break or something.

Then we are screwed.

Also, I'm still watching the Fright Night remake.

Sorry.

Meanwhile, over at Penguin Comics...

Check this out!

http://penguincomicsnet.blogspot.com/2011/07/dvd-round-up_25.html

Ruby LaRocca

I had this genius idea to write an article about Ruby LaRocca. Don;t know who she is? Tough! I was going to scan pictures from my collection of films with her in them. I was going to put up all this titillation concerning Ms. LaRocca. It would be a great article.
Then I asked myself a question.
Why?
Why are you doing this article?
Well, see there was an event in November. An incident where Ms. LaRocca was injured and suffered brain damage. She is relearning to walk and talk and stuff. Having met her at Cinema Wasteland once it was heartbreaking to me that something like this would happen.
She is going to chronicle the event on her own blog to explain what went down. What? You want a link to her blog? Stop being so lazy and find it already. If the Internet made it any easier the human race would be extinct in a week.
So, I decided that this needed to be something...different.
So, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, this is what Ruby LaRocca means to me.
Deal with it.
I started my career as a film reviewer with Cult Cuts. I will always be with Cult Cuts. They understand that I will watch anything and probably give it more of a fair shake than anyone else.
I became an expert in sexploitation films.
Around the same time Seduction Cinema came into being. Seduction Cinema did softcore spoofs of Hollywood flicks. Things like Playmate of The Apes, Spider Babe, Lord of the G-Strings...you get the idea.
Ruby LaRocca was in a lot of these films, but I was more interested in Misty Mundae. Not really all that interested in Ruby.
Then came Dr. Jekyll and Mistress Hyde.
This film means a lot to me for three reasons.
One, it showed me that Tony Marsiglia was a director to be reckoned with. I have been proven correct on that more than once since seeing this film. Anyone interested in true exploitation cinema needs to watch everything that he has made.
Two, it showed me that Misty Mundae was more than a pretty girl with little boobs. She could act.
Three, that Ruby LaRocca was suddenly on my radar.
Here was this beautiful girl, full of life, vibrant and with that little smirk that showed the devil inside of her. At the end of the film where she is dressed to the nines and the only sane person left after Jekyll's experiments, Ruby is a force to be reckoned with.
But that wasn't what did it.
Seduction Cinema is famous for the sheer amount of extras they put on a DVD. For Dr. Jekyll and Mistress Hyde it was a behind the scenes thing where Ruby and Misty just hung out and did stuff when they weren't making the movie.
It was fascinating to watch.
That was all I needed. Then came the list of movies;
THE DEVIL'S BLOODY PLAYTHINGS proved she could play sheer evil.
BIKINI GIRLS ON DINOSAUR PLANET showed she could do old school slapstick.
SHADOW: DEAD RIOT put her with some B movie heavy hitters and she held her own.
ZOMBIE CHRIST she put some class in Bill Zebub's epic.
A lot of people watch these videos to fixate on a particular actress and the whole lust thing rears it's ugly head.
Ruby was never like that.
I saw a bright, funny, intelligent woman who knew what she was doing and took it in directions that no one would have conceived of.
Do you know of anyone else who would be in ORGASM TORTURE IN SATAN'S RAPE CLINIC?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
So, anyway, Ruby's brain got hurt. I saw a YouTube video interview she did and it broke my heart.
Sort of.
Because she's still here with us and she's still Ruby.
That's a good thing.
Monica Puller should be given a sainthood and a medal for making sure that the sheer delight of Ruby LaRocca is still here with us.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Sometimes us film reviewer folk need to vent and tell you what is going on in the real world.
So, speaking of the real world...
Ruby has huge medical bills and needs to be able to continue with all of her therapy and whatnot. They have an online auction of art and cool stuff.
Go HERE to check out the cool stuff. Buy something or donate. Your choice.
So, no pictures, no video, nothing but this uber geek telling you what is up. What is going on in the world and what you need to do to help someone who deserves so much more than that.
Get out of here already.