Monday, December 10, 2012

THEN AGAIN 2012


Director: Ayan Pratap

Screenwriter: Jim Suthers

Cast: Aleece Jones, John Michael Herndon, Christopher Ivins

Cinematography: Will Turner


The basic plot is a small town girl who wants to be an artist. She knows that if she can escape the small town life she will make it. She knows this. Her only source of inspiration is an unfinished mural that may be gone if the abandoned factory it adorns is destroyed.
Now, she has to ask herself; What is important?

The Again deals with a lot of themes that are revisited time and again in film. This can lead to cliches and tired old film making at its worst. But they don't have actress Aleece Jones. She breathes such life in to this part that you wish there was more movie.

You see, I get it. Small town artist. Fighting for things you know are right and it doesn't matter. I get what this is about having been there so many times myself in real life.

Then Again struck a chord with me that I know it will strike with others like me. Hell, maybe even people who aren't like me at all.

I like this movie...a lot.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Shame on you GQ Magazine!



In the new issue of GQ Magazine there is an article called The Least Influential People of 2012 written by Drew Magary.
Drew Magary, for wont of a better word, is an idiot.
Here is why.
In the list he has, at number sixteen, Whoever Directed John Carter. Why not just give his name? Andrew Stanton. Pretty easy to look up. IMDB for all it's faults does tend to get big budget movie information correct on a semi regular basis. But, that isn't the problem.
I now quote the article;
"Next time you waste 250 million shooting and reshooting a terrible movie based on obscure source material, ask around first."
OBSCURE SOURCE MATERIAL?!?!?!?!?!
Edgar Rice Burroughs seminal science fiction novel that influenced writers, film makers, scientists for decades and some hack in a men's magazine refers to it as obscure source material???
Um, what?
This is unacceptable. I will be posting the link from this article to Facebook, Twitter and whatever else I can find to shout it from the rooftops. We as true fans of actual literature need an apology for this.
No excuses.  

Monday, November 19, 2012

REVIEWS OF MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN 11/19/2012



LIFE OF PI

Indian dude with a tiger on a boat. I think this movie is going to look better that the story line will come across. I'll still probably watch it. My daughter likes tigers.



RED DAWN

Urgh! I hate remakes! But it has the kid from Drake and Josh (Josh, not Drake) and Thor is in it and The Comedian. I really do not like remakes but I might have to make an exception.



RISE OF THE GUARDIANS

This looked like animated fun to me. Theater worthy? Nope, but I'll see it eventually.



HITCHCOCK

Anthony Hopkins as Alfred Hitchcock. This has the possibility of being either really great or stupid as paint. (NOTE: While looking for the poster I discovered that Scarlett Johannsen is in it. Yeah, I'll watch the damned thing now.)



THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BLAH! BLAH! PART WHATEVER

Yeah, gonna have to tear myself away from this puppy.



LINCOLN

When is Spielberg going to make good movies again?



SKYFALL

I heard this was good. I have yet to see Daniel Craig in this role. This might be the one.



WRECK IT RALPH

Seems like silly fun and videogames. It will probably do better than SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD



FLIGHT

When will Robert Zemeckis make good movies again?



ARGO

Not theater worthy, but it looks good and I will watch it. Probably when it hits Netflix.

There ya go folks, another batch of flicks hitting the holiday theaters. Enjoy at your risk!



Thursday, November 15, 2012

WARNER ARCHIVE GOES BLU RAY!!


Official Release:

The Warner Archive Collection (WAC) – the Warner Bros. Digital Distribution (WBDD) division dedicated to releasing on DVD previously unavailable films and television shows – today announced the launch of its first Blu-ray™ titles. The two titles, Deathtrapand Gypsy, will debut on November 20. Beginning in February 2013, WAC expects to release a minimum of one to two Blu-ray titles per month. Future titles include The Hudsucker Proxy and Fearless.

WAC reports that the Blu-ray discs will be replicated in limited quantities and fulfilled on demand. All releases will leverage high quality 1080p masters. In many instances, as with Deathtrap, the films will be available for the first time for home viewing in their original widescreen format.

Starting as a modest initiative, WAC has quickly grown to become a new business model for the studio and a recognized industry leader. Since launching in March 2009, WAC has released more than 1,500 films, short subjects, TV movies and mini-series that otherwise would not have been available, providing a valuable service to film lovers everywhere.

Now, WAC’s entry into the Blu-ray market is the latest example of its fast growth and increasing popularity with consumers who have embraced the technology as the standard for the highest quality home movie viewing on disc. This year, domestic sales of catalog titles on Blu-ray grew 22% in the third quarter from a year earlier. In fact, Blu-ray sales have shown impressive gains every quarter in 2012, continuing the trend set in 2011 over 2010 when sales were up 20%.[1]

In making the Blu-ray announcement, WBDD President Thomas Gewecke said, “This is an important innovation that fulfills consumer demand for high definition releases that otherwise would not be available in physical formats. We’re excited to have the opportunity to further expand the Warner Archive Collection into the Blu-ray marketplace with an impressive slate of releases.”

Warner Archive Collection titles can be purchased through their web site (www.warnerarchive.com) for $21.99 SRP or through other leading online retailers.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

WHO IS ZHON?



I was made aware of this web series and decided to check it out. I like the concept of an alien turning himself in to the authorities and telling his life story. They get to do different time periods and show what the alien has been through enduring life on our planet for thousands of years. Well written, funny and a little sad, this is something that fans of stuff like Doctor Who and Firefly would get behind.


Here's the trailer to get you hooked.


TRAILER

And the site.

SITE







Sunday, November 4, 2012

THE RETURN OF TEEN APE!!

 Being a huge Low Budget Pictures fan when I saw this plea for fundage for a new TeenApe flick I had to share it amongst my brethren. Here is the video;



Watch it. Then GIVE!!!

Monday, October 1, 2012

GINGERSQUATCH...THE TRAILER!

The first feature film from 3/4 Time Productions. Gingersquatch.
Enjoy the trailer


Saturday, September 29, 2012

CONCEALED

CONCEALED is a cool idea, let me use their synopsis to bring you up to speed;

Concealed 360 is an interactive film which uses 360-degree audio and visual exploration to explore how one’s personal perspective affects their interpretation of narrative. Concealed 360 is about Dillon Wagner, an amateur drug trafficker, who emerges from a coma and tries to figure out how he ended up in a hospital. In addition to his memory loss, he finds out that his closest friend and drug connection, Joey Valeri, was murdered. Not knowing why, or by whom, Wagner desperately tries to piece together the last few days leading up to the murder. Filmed with a 360-degree camera-rig consisting of six 1080p cameras, the film will enable users to pan 360-degrees, while taking in the action of each scene as it unfolds in order to solve the murder mystery.

I can remember going to Disney World when I was a kid and they had this cool exhibit where you stood in a room and there was a screen alll the way around the room. They shot tours of famous places in this process and it felt like you were there, drawing you into the event. Very cool.

Concealed does the same, but with a narrative storyline instead of a documentary style of film. I think that it might not work as well because each individual has different life experiences that would color their perception of what they are seeing. But, it is a great attempt at bringing something new to film. I would love to see a huge, big budget action movie shot like this. It would be phenomenal!

Friday, September 28, 2012

ZEDIC AND THE CRIMSON BORN

Zedic and the Crimson Born deals with a young man coming to grips with odd phenomena occurring around him. Weird noises and halos of light. Then he comes face to face with Zedic, part of an alien race that has visitied Earth to help us and is here to help us again.
This is an interesting process and the short film does have some cool special effects, but it is marred by horrible, stilted acting and a non ending that lends itself to confusion more than anything. Like I said, the concept works, but the execution is dreadful.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

MOVIES ON DEMAND FOR THE MONTH OF OCTOBER

Need a really long list of stuff to watch on demand in October? Yeah, I thought you might. Here you go!

10/2
Dark Shadows (WB) – (PG-13)
  • After being turned into a vampire by a jilted lover, Barnabas (Johnny Depp) is entombed for two centuries until he emerges into the very changed world of 1972.
  • Starring: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Chloe Grace Moretz, Jackie Earle Haley
 
People Like Us (Buena Vista) – (PG-13)
  • An inspirational movie everyone can relate to. Sam, a twenty-something, fast-talking salesman uncovers a startling secret that turns his entire world upside down.
  • Starring: Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks, Olivia Wilde, Jon Favreau, Michelle Pfieffer
 
10/5
#HoldYourBreath (WB) – (TV-MA)
  • A group of friends on a weekend camping trip find themselves being picked off one by one when one member of the group refuses to abide by the urban myth that you can breathe in evil spirits when passing cemeteries.
  • Starring: Katrina Bowden, Randy Wayne
  • [Available the Same Day As the Theatrical Release]

10/9
Rock of Ages (WB) – (PG-13)
  • In 1987 Los Angeles, a rock star and a Hollywood rock club facing its final countdown converge with an aspiring musician and a small town girl with big dreams.
  • Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Malin Akerman, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, Alec Baldwin, Tom Cruise
 
The Raven (Relativity) – (R)
  • A brutal killing spree terrorizes 19th-century Baltimore and a young detective turns to notorious author Edgar Allan Poe for help getting inside the mind of a serial killer.
  • Starring: John Cusack, Luke Evans, Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson, Kevin McNally
 
10/11
Prometheus (Fox) – (R)
  • Prometheus is a groundbreaking mythology, in which a team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a thrilling journey to the darkest corners of the universe.
  • Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce, Logan Marshall-Green
 
10/12
2016: Obama’s America (Lionsgate) – (PG)
  • Just in time for this year's Presidential election, don't miss the must-see documentary that has the entire country talking.
 
Excuse Me for Living (WB) – (TV-MA)
  • A brilliant, yet suicidal druggie must obey his rehab-clinic's demand to lead a seniors men's group or face incarceration and lose the love of a girl.
  • Starring: Tom Pelphrey, Christopher Lloyd, Robert Vaughn, Dick Cavett, Wayne Knight, Jerry Stiller
  • [Available the Same Day As the Theatrical Release]
 
10/16
Chernobyl Diaries (WB) – (R)
  • Six tourists hire a guide to take them through the abandoned former home of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone.
  • Starring: Devin Kelley, Jonathan Sadowski, Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Jesse Mccartney, Nathan Philips, Dimitri Diatchenko
 
Moonrise Kingdom (Universal) – (PG-13)
  • Set on an island near New England in the summer of 1965, two twelve-year-olds fall in love, make a secret pact, and run away together into the wilderness.
  • Starring: Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, Jason Schwartzman
 
That’s My Boy (Sony) – (R)
  • While in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent up until Todd's 18th birthday. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd's world comes crashing down when Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding.
  • Starring: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester
 
Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (Paramount) – (PG)
  • Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman are still fighting to get home to their beloved Big Apple. Their journey takes them through Europe where they find the perfect cover: a traveling circus, which they reinvent - Madagascar style.
  • Voices: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Sacha Baron Cohen, Cedric the Entertainer
 
10/23
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Fox) – (R)
  • Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, discovers vampires are planning to take over the United States. He makes it his mission to eliminate them.
  • Starring: Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Anthony Mackie, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Marton Csokas
 
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (Universal) – (R)
  • As an asteroid nears Earth, a man finds himself alone after his wife leaves in a panic. He decides to take a road trip to reunite with his high school sweetheart. Accompanying him is a neighbor who inadvertently puts a wrench in his plan.
  • Starring: Steve Carell, Keira Knightly, Connie Britton, Patton Oswalt, Rob Corddry, William Peterson, Melanie Lynskey, Adam Brody, Gillian Jacobs, Derek Luke
 
Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection (Lionsgate) – (PG-13)
  • A Wall Street investment banker who has been set up as the linchpin of his company's mob-backed Ponzi scheme is relocated with his family to Aunt Madea's southern home.
  • Starring: Tyler Perry, Eugene Levy, Denise Richards, Doris Roberts, Tom Arnold, Romeo Miller, John Amos, Marla Gibbs
 
Magic Mike (WB) – (R)
  • A male stripper teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money.
  • Starring: Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer, Matthew McConaughey, Matt Bomer, Joe Manganiello, Olivia Munn, Cody Horn, Riley Keough
 
10/30
The Campaign (WB) – (R)
  • In order to gain influence over their North Carolina district, two CEOs seize an opportunity to oust long-term congressman Cam Brady by putting up a rival candidate. Their man: naive Marty Huggins, director of the local Tourism Center.
  • Starring: Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, Jason Sudeikis, Dan Akroyd, Dylan McDermott, John Lithgow
 
Ruby Sparks (Fox) – (R)
  • A novelist struggling with writer's block finds romance in a most unusual way: by creating a female character he thinks will love him, then willing her into existence.
  • Starring: Paul Dano, Zoe Kazan, Antonio Banderas, Annette Bening, Steve Coogan, Elliott Gould, Chris Messina
 
Safety Not Guaranteed (Sony) – (R)
  • Three magazine employees head out on an assignment to interview a guy who placed a classified ad seeking a companion for time travel.
  • Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Mark Duplass
 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

REVIEWS OF MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN 9/26/12



LOOPER

So the kids from 3rd Rock From The Sun kills people sent back from the future. He works for the mob who control time travel. Now they sent him back as old and busted Bruce Willis. Sounds like a Philip K. Dick novel to me. I'll wait for Netflix for this one.



HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA

I am a big fan of the old Rankin/Bass MAD MONSTER PARTY. This just looks like a fun update on the whole thing. The kid in me says to go watch it. Luckily, the old man who has to trudge to the theater agrees.



WON'T BACK DOWN

I'll see this in a couple of years when it's a repeat on cable or something. Alright, I'm lying. The only way I'm seeing this is if I'm lying in a hospital bed, unable to move and the damned nurse switches this thing on. I'm hoping for scanner powers at that point so I can blow up the TV and set the nurse on fire.



PITCH PERFECT

The trailer for this made me laugh. Theater worthy? No. But I will watch it.

Kind of a short week, but we do have other stuff coming down the pike. I do like the plethora of shitty horror movies I keep seeing trailers for. There's the one with guy who was on that show where she was the ditzy redhead and he was the gay guy. I forget the name of it. And another one with Ethan Hawke and haunted film, a concept used by Seduction Cinema more than once. I'm betting his movie has a lot less lesbians in it, though.

Monday, September 24, 2012

DEPRESSION: THE MOVIE 2012





I first met Henrique Couto at Cinema Wasteland. He was the madman with the electric ukulele. I then noticed him in some Low Budget Pictures by Chris Seaver. Then came Face of Schlock and Marty Jenkins and the Vampire Bitches. Henrique Couto is a talented young man who I am happy to call my friend.
Recently, I was invited to Englewood Cinema in Dayton, Ohio to watch his horror film, Bleeding Through. You can check the review of that film here.
At that premiere he invited all of us to come back for his next film, Depression: The Movie.
Depression deal with four stories of people who deal with their depression in different ways. It also shows them coming to face with everything from issues with an estranged father to never finding your true love.
The cool thing is that it does it in the form of a comedy. From hilarious sight gags to some of the best dialogue I have heard this year, the four people who make up this film know that they are depressed and still manage to soldier on.
Mr. Couto put a lot of himself up on the screen that night in Englewood and that is what works so well. I was proud of him doing a little old fashioned ballyhoo with prescription bottles full of candy with the title of the movie on the label to an inspired sing along where we actually got to follow the bouncing ball. He made it more than a movie, he made it an experience to remember for a lifetime.
I know an eight hour round trip is a heck of a journey to see a film, but when it comes from Henrique Couto it is more than worth the price. 


Thursday, September 20, 2012

REVIEWS OF MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN 9/20/12

I had fun with this last week so, here we go again.

DREDD 3D



I hate that they are forcing 3D on people for this. Judge Dredd is one of my favorite comic series. I read that stuff for years. I was so sad when Sylvester Stallone ruined it for so many people. The new stuff looks great in the trailer so, I will try to find a 2D alternative and that will mak eme happy.

END OF WATCH



I have never liked Jake Gylenhall (Did I spell that right? Who cares?) I do like the guy who was in Observe and Report as the security guard who was the mall thief, but this doesn't look all that funny. The camera work gives me a headache.

THE HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET



The cute girl who played Mystique in X MEN: FIRST CLASS is in it with a white tank top and jeans for what appears to be the entirety of the flick. She is pretty cute so I might give this a shot when Netflix gets it. It has inspired me to write a horror spoof script called SECOND HOUSE IN THE CUL DE SAC. Makes me laugh to type it.

TROUBLE WITH THE CURVE



Clint Eastwood playing a grumpy old man??? Never seen that before.

THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER



Here is your quirky Rom-Com for the month people. Get on board if you like that sort of thing.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

SNOW BEAST/SHARK NIGHT 3D (2011)

Let's do the shitty one first.

SHARK NIGHT 3D



Man, I can't believe they let them make this one. Was it for Shark Week last year? Who knows? So, we get the rich girl who invites her friends to her parents' island estate down in the bayou for a little fun and sun.
Then the sharks show up and bite the token black guys' arm off. When they try to get him to the hospital the shark bumps the boat and eats his girlfriend.
Did they really kill the black couple first? Isn't that considered bad form or cliche' or something like that?
Then the locals show up to help and the girl from American Idol and the guy who falls for the ugly, Russian girl in Dodgeball hitch a ride with them back to the mainland.
Too bad the locals are the ones that have been stirring up the sharks.
Ooooo! Was that a spoiler? Who cares?!?
Seems that these locals have caught all the sharks to get kill videos to sell to the sickos of the world. The rich girl coming home after three years is just icing on the cake.
I actually picked who was going to live at the beginning of this mess and hit it on the head. Hell, they were even smart enough to not kill the dog.
Even 3D wouldn't have saved this thing.



SNOWBEAST



Bo Duke turns in his General Lee to study the mating patterns of Lynx. He heads on up to Canada with two of his Lynx studying cohorts and his daughter because she got expelled from school.
Only problem is there are no lynx. No rabbits and the people population is dwindling as well.
Seems they have a Yeti problem. Or at least something that looks like a Yeti.
I thought that one of the rangers was the guy who played the boyfriend in Kevin Smith's Mallrats. I had no idea he had a twin brother that made these crapfests.
Don't get me wrong, I loves me the bigfoot/yeti genre. This one was pretty cool. Kept the cast to a minimum and gave us a really cool monster suit. None of that CGI crap.
I'll always take a thin plot with a monster suit over anything else. Like that Bigfoot thing I covered earlier with Danny Partridge and Greg Brady.
Good stuff.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

REVIEWS OF MOVIES I HAVEN'T SEEN

I do these once in a while. I look at the releases and rant or rave without having seen a frame, Well, I catch a trailer here and there so I've seen some frames, just not all frames.

Anyway...

THE MASTER






I thought River Phoenix's homely brother was a rap star or something now?? Now he's doing a thinly veiled Scientology movie?!? Yeah, this sounds like a real winner (Insert sarcasm at your leisure.)

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION



I don;t care what anyone says. Milla Jovovich has still got it and I'm still gonna watch them. All of them. If you think this is the last one you're pretty damned stupid.

LIBERAL ARTS



The guy who places Ted in How I Met Your Mother is in a movie? And he plays a dude falling for a college student? Didn't he do this like six times in the TV series? And is he unaware that he is the most annoying person on that damned show? Yeah, gonna take a big old pass on this one, Ted.

ARBITRAGE



Richard Gere movie. PASS!

10 YEARS



That guy from the shitty GI JOE movie is is what appears to be some kind of rom-com  I have seen zero trailers for. Glad the studios feel the need to push this baby on us.

STOLEN



Nicholas Cage in an action movie on the hunt for his daughter. Okay, he's done this before with good results and we might get another chance to see Malin Akerman's boobies. I can wait for Netflix for that one. Shouldn't be more than a week, two tops.


Saturday, September 1, 2012

NOTIFICATION!

I am doing this long piece on Antoinette Maynard. I am able to find some of her films, but others elude me. Here is the list of one's that I am unable to find;

INSIDE PUSSYCAT (1979)
HOW SWEET IT IS! (1978) (Not the Debbie Reynolds movie)
WHAT'S BEHIND THE GROUPIES? (1975)
MARRIAGE AND OTHER FOUR LETTER WORDS (1974)
DIAMOND SEXCAPADES (1974)
LIZ:MOMMA'S LITTLE GIRL (1973)
HETEREOSEXUALIS (1973)
THE WINNING STROKE (1973)
AWOL (1973)
MORE THAN FRIENDS (1973)
MY SECRETARY, I LOVE ... (1973)
APARTMENT GIRLS (1972)
AVALON CALLING (1972)
SEX CONTEST (1972)
THE LANDLORD (1972) (Not 1970 or 2009)
THE LIBERTY BELLES (1972)
SIX WOMEN (1971)
THE AFFAIRS OF APHRODITE (1970)
PRECIOUS JEWELS (1969)
I AM FURIOUS (1969)
THE ECSTASIES OF WOMEN (1969)
SCYLA (1967)

And, most important of all;

THE KILL (1968) And not BLOOD HUNGER or RESERVOIR CATS. THE KILL.

Anyone out there who thinks they have any information about any of these, please contact me via this blog.

Thanks!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Pimpin'

I sell stuff. Check them out!









Now go get one!



BITTEN (2008)



I was flipping through my Netflix streaming and saw this poster and thought it was Alyssa Milano. It's actually, Erica Cox, but then when I saw Jason Mewes name, I knew I had to watch it.
Mewes plays, Jack, a paramedic working the night shift with his older partner, Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick), loses his girlfriend of six months to a yoga instructor. One morning on his way home he finds a gorgeous girl (Erica Fox) covered in blood and screaming. He takes her in to his house and cleans her up. She refuses to go to the hospital.
But something is wrong with her.
Yeah, you guessed it, she's a vampire.
And she needs Jack's help if she's going to get a square meal.
Jack lives in a rundown area of town filled with bums and drug dealers, this should be a cake walk.
But, hunger is a funny thing.

BITTEN has Jason Mewes doing his best not to act like Jason Mewes, but there's one problem;
He is Jason Mewes.
He carries that baggage to every film he's in. Sure, he manages to carry his own in this flick and he and Fitzpatrick seem to have some actual chemistry, but it just isn't enough. Add that to the fact that the film is just too damned dark. we get that she's a vampire and needs to keep it cool, but it becomes more of a strain on the eyes than anything else.
One little glitch disturbed me.
Early in the flick Jack forces Danika, yeah that's her name, to put her arm in the sun. It burns and bubbles. No surprise with her being a vampire and all.
Later in the film there is this threesome with them and a hot blonde chick. Following that they are all laying in bed with Danika closest to the window and the director decides he wants this fancy time passes shot where you see the sun move through the room...right over Danika's face! Yeah, seems that should do something, but she sleeps right through it.
In the end, BITTEN is too little, the ending sucks and Erica Cox is freaking gorgeous and stays pretty much unclothed throughout the flick.
The only reason to watch this.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

THE DEADLY AND THE BEAUTIFUL (1973) FUTURE HUNTERS (1986)

A couple of actioners to make up for missing yesterday.

First up we have FUTURE HUNTERS.



I have friends who really like this flick. I think I might like it more if Robert Patrick wasn't in it. I mean we get Richard Norton and Bruce Le, a tribe of midgets, Mongols, Nazis and Linda Carol before she got rough looking.
But Robert Patrick is so damned annoying.
The plot is that it is the future and The Spear of Destiny can enable someone to go back in time and change history because of some armageddon thingie that happens in 1986. Unfortunately, Richard Norton dies when he gets here so it's up to Linda Carol and Robert Patrick to save the day.
But Robert Patrick is so whiny and constantly gets his butt kicked throughout. He even manages to blow up a helicopter and a plane in short succession.
I did like that there were long stretches of zero dialogue, but, for the most part, I doubt I would ever revisit this flick.



Then comes THE DEADLY AND THE BEAUTIFUL A.K.A. WONDER WOMEN.




This baby knows how to start a flick. Girls, naked, swimming in a pool underwater. Then cool chicks in hot pants, halter tops and kick ass afros show up and take them all out. Soon, the multinational squad of sex boms kidnap people from all over the globe. It seems they work for Dr. Tzu (Nancy Kwan) and she has developed a way to transplant any part of the human body to any other body without rejection. The rich come to her for rejuvenation and with the help of her accountant/business manager Mr. Gregorian (Sid Haig), they make some serious cash.
But then they kidnap a world famous jai alai player for a dying man to put his brain into. Seems the jai alai player has been insured for a cool half a million by Lloyds of London. Then its time to send in ex CIA, insurance adjuster Mike Harber (Ross Hagen) to find the athlete and grab some serious cash.
Throw in a number of shoot outs, fight scenes, a lab where Dr. Tzu keeps her mistakes who, naturally, are released and go on a rampage and an acre of succulent, female flesh parading in front of the camera every two seconds and you have a classic exploitation film that is sure to make everyone happy.
I really liked actress, Maria De Aragon as the doomed love interest and head of Dr. Tzu's hit squad. I decided to check her out online and got a bit of a shock.She did a few flicks, but then she played Greedo in Star Wars!! Good for her. She probably makes a fortune on the convention circuit.

Now watch one of the best trailers for a flick I have seen in a while.




Friday, August 24, 2012

SUCKULA (1973) THE PICK-UP (1968)

I also managed to squeeze in a viewing of PIECES yesterday, but I'm going to pass on reviewing that one. It's been done to death. Great, fun flick, but enough about that one.

The girl in the horrid fangs is Antoinette Maynard.


First up we have SUCKULA. It deals with a reporter telling us of footage they have of Dracula rampaging through the countryside. When I spotted the reporter I'm saying to myself, 'Isn't that George Buck Flower?' No! No way!
Yeah, it was him. He even plays the female, out in the field reporter, but doesn't shave the mustache. Awesome! The movie is like a poverty row version of THE GROOVE TUBE or KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE. There are goofy commercials interspersed throughout them tracking down Dracula.I did think it odd that the Dracula scenes were done with silent film title cards. Made it a little surreal.
A quick watch that deserves rediscovery. I  watched it for Antoinette Maynard, who I fell for the first time I saw BLOOD HUNGER, which is actually a redubbed version of Gary Graver's THE KILL. Incidentally, if anyone out there knows where I might be able to get a copy of THE KILL or THE AFFAIRS OF APHRODITE, please contact me at this blog.
Oh, and it was weird watching her do hardcore. There was one point where I thought that George was going to partake, but it never happened, Thank God!
I will have to upload a clip of this myself as I can find nothing online. I'll get that done later today.



Next up is the believed, Lee Frost classic THE PICK-UP. This gives us the tale of Frankie and Tony, two bag men making a pick up of cold, hard cash in Las Vegas and getting it to Los Angeles post haste. Then they run across two damsels in distress, Dana and Marcia. After Frankie and Dana get it on in the back seat they decide it's time to hit a little motel for some party fun.
Until Marcia pulls a gun on Tony and ties him up. Frankie follows suit and soon the ladies have stashed the cash and left the men handcuffed in the seedy motel room.
But, Tony is the resourceful type and soon they are free and on the run after the girls. They have to get the money back before the mob decides they have bugged out with a million dollars  and put out a hit on them.
It takes no time to catch up to the girls, but they aren't talking.
What do you do to women when your life is on the line?
THE PICK-UP might be considered a roughie for no other reason than they whip and beat the girls, apply nipple electrocution and throw them in a bathtub of scalding water.
But, it's more than that. It comes across as one of those dime store hard crime novels. No one in this flick is a good guy. Tony and Frankie are in this for themselves. Their bosses are the worst kind of humanity. This is actually funny as the Vegas Boss, Charlie, is played by a young David F. Friedman.
In the end there are double crosses, triple crosses and a hail of bullets with bodies flying everywhere.
At a clip of 90 minutes, this flick actually propels itself forward at a manic pace.
Director Frost is in his element like other films of his like THE DEFILERS, DIXIE DYNAMITE and A CLIMAX OF BLUE POWER. During the torture scenes he uses some freeze frames that jar you and put you into the scene better than if he had just filmed it.



This was a good time and a well made film that any fan of the roughies would want to add to their collection.
And, yes, Antoinette Maynard is in it. She is trying to convince Charlie that he needs to put her in his next show. Charlie takes her in the bedroom for an 'audition' and then I was torn between seeing Antoinette ad David F. Friedman in a steamy sex scene. I was also not a fan of her wig. Normally she has long, flowing hair. This put it up and made it short. Not a good look for her.




Thursday, August 23, 2012

HEDONISTIC PLEASURES (1969)/JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK (2012)

Talk about an odd double feature. Let us delve!



HEDONISTIC PLEASURES is an extremely bizarre mock documentary on the wild sex life in Hollywood. You get hookers and hippies and acid trips and...well, you get the idea. Directed by Ed DePriest, this is only 55 minutes and he tries to pack in as much female flesh as possible.
The weird part is the boobies.
The first girl has missile shaped ones with the entire end of the titty being nipple. The next girl is a lopsided A cup, more like an A- cup. They finally gave us a nice looking pair and her ass was scary. It was a no win kind of thing. The scene with the hippies smoking grass and swimming seems familiar like it was in another mondo flick, but I can't place it. The scene with the couple tripping on acid had this cool projector that made it look like these bizarre shapes were erupting from her mouth. That was cool.
In the end it's a curiosity and required for any Ed DePriest completists. Not too hard as he only directed four films. Yes, I've seen three of them.
No trailer to be found anywhere, I'm afraid, but there is a poster;



JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK was a little different. I have never seen an episode of Jersey Shore. I know of Snooki and The Situation. In this flick it was Nooki and The Complication. Melissa Molinaro plays Nooki and she's actually much prettier than the real thing.
As for the movie;
The shark effects are horrible. Almost all CGI and bad at that. There is one shot of where they caught one and that shark looked pretty cool. Apparently they are albino bull head sharks that are attracted to sound and since they are drilling to put in supports for a new fancy hotel, here come the sharks!
Paul Sorvino, William Atherton (The jackhole from Ghostbusters and Die Hard) and Tony Sirico (Didn't he make enough cash from The Sopranos??) are slumming it here. Sorvino actually looks embarrassed.
In the end this was funny a few times, gory a few times and I was rooting for the sharks. I can't believe that none of the Jersey Shore doppelgangers got eaten. What a gyp!


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Double Feature At The Waltz Compound

Haven't done one of these in a while. Had a busy morning with a job interview. Hope that goes well. Then I decided to get a double dose of crap. My daughter, Dandelion watched the first one with me. Martha listened in and made fun of the second one with me. Ready? Here we go.


CHEERLEADER MASSACRE

From the fabulous Jim Wynorski, we get, well a Jim Wynorski film. You know the one. Bunch of hot girls, a cabin out in the woods, hot tubs with dozens of bottles of chocolate syrup nearby. You know! A Jim Wynorski film!
Anyway, there are a group of cheerleaders that are on their way to a game or something. One of them gets killed before they leave the locker room. They run out of gas because of a busted fuel line and are forced to hike to the aforementioned cabin.
We find out that this killer, Jeremiah McPherson is on the loose and in the area and the body count is rising.
But, something is not right. The MO is off.
Is Jeremiah McPherson their only worry?
CHEERLEADER MASSACRE is a fun throwback to the slasher films of old. Not the good ones, but the low rent type. Think SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE  without the wit and originality and you're on the right track.
It's a Wynorski flick so the amount of boobs are humongous, as a re the actual boobs. The acting is deplorable, but there are lots of boobs. The interesting part of this is half of the female cast manages to keep their tops on. So, how does genius Wynorski deal with this? He has the comic relief, Buzzy, tell a story about three girls running from a killer and winding up at a cabin that has a big bath tub and, conveniently enough, several bottles of chocolate syrup lined up next to it. You can guess what goes on at that point.
For a film of this caliber there are some interesting ideas going on here. It's really the one true twist in the flick so, I won't spoil it here.
We get a few intersting kills, the one where the killer lets the hose run under the feet of a woman trying to turn the power box back on and when she flips the switch gets toasted was the best one. Wynorski manages to blend some high budget stock footage into the film to give it a better feel.
Finally, I have to mention that the power gets knocked out of the cabin early on in the flick. Apparently it is a weird fuse box that lets certain rooms have power while others don't. Just adds to the hilarity of what is CHEERLEADER MASSACRE.






YETI, CURSE OF THE SNOW DEMON

As is the rules with any SyFy film, we get a flashback to the 70's so that we can see the titular beast kill someone. Then we hit the Present Day signage and start the movie! We have a college football team on their way to Tokyo for an exhibition game. This has them flying over the Himalayas. Well, until their idiot pilots crash the plane because they don't know how to fly over the storm.
This leaves us with a handful of college kids, a large piece of the fuselage to use as a set, uh I mean shelter. And the Yeti roaming the countryside looking for food of the college kid variety.
The movie tries to incorporate aspects of a monster flick with the stranded in the mountains how long til we eat our friends genre. The one guy, Ravin, (and with a douche name like that you knew he was a douche before he started acting like a douche) starts screaming for human flesh pretty early on. Reminded me of that South Park episode where they are trapped for a couple of hours in a snowstorm and then they eat Eric Roberts.
The captain of the football team tries to keep the survivors together, but douche bag Ravin is sabotaging him at every corner. Their biggest issue, besides the yeti, is that the tail of the plane is nowhere near the black box/locator device they need so the search party can find them.
The 'search party' being Sheppard (Peter Deluise) and Fury (Ona Grauer) and, because of the weather, are on foot.
Now it's a race against time before the Yeti runs out of dead bodies and starts craving something a little fresher.
YETI, CURSE OF THE SNOW DEMON is not a bad film. It's a SyFy film so it already was brought into the world with a chip on it's shoulder, trying to prove itself. I was impressed that the CGI was at a minimum, used for the plane crash and only when the Yeti ran or jumped. Yes, apparently, Yeti can jump in a way that would put Mario to shame. But, for the rest of the film, it was a guy in a suit. It wasn't a bad suit, but it wasn't a great suit.
No real acting to speak of to get in the way of the action. Jerry Gross' horrid black and white film MANBEAST is still a better Yeti flick, but this one tried to make it different with the plane crash survivors with the haunting possibility of cannibalism.
Best part of the film is two of the football players go in search of the black box. They get cornered by the Yeti and try to squeeze through a crevasse. The little guy makes it (probably their goal kicker, yeah, I know a lot about football), when he tries to help his bulkier buddy all he manages to get is the big guy's arm. Later, when he breaks his leg he uses his buddy's arm as a split. This was so cool! I'm pretty sure I never saw this before ever. A bright ray of sunshine in an otherwise mediocre flick.   


Monday, August 20, 2012

BIGFOOT (2012)



I loves me a bigfoot movie. Or a Yeti movie for that matter. When you add Danny Bonaduce and Barry Williams and their characters in the flick fight, then it gets better. Throw in Bruce Davison and that just ups the ante. I'd tell you that the addition of Sherilyn Fenn makes it even better, but when did she get so thick? So sad. But then we get the addition of Alice Cooper and all is right with the world.
Sure, you could complain about the CGI bigfoot, but that's like complaining about a crappy rubber suit from the 50's. It's kinda the same thing. This is a really big bigfoot, however, we're talking King Kong sized.
Anyway, Barry is the tree hugging hippy who wants to save the beast and Bonaduce is the radio shock jock who wants to bag and tag the monster to make the town famous and make some cash at the same time.
Bigfoot is a fun little time waster of a monster movie.
SYFY has done so much worse than this. I wish that meant more.


POSSESSION(S)



Frank (Laurence Fuller) is obsessed by the work of Peter Booth. When he and his girlfriend, Selina (Asher Keddie) are invited to her ex husband, Paul's (Max Cullen) home for the weekend, he shows Frank the latest Peter Booth painting, Frank knows he must have it. He offers Paul money, but Paul has other ideas. Paul's daughter, Natasha (Trilby Beresford) has ideas of her own.
POSSESSION(S) is a unique film that shows what a person's obsession can create and destroy. The cast is pitch perfect and shows us this tiny slice of humanity that has drifted so far from normalcy that they will never be able to find their way back.
A haunting film with an ending that caught me by surprise and when you think you have that sorted out, it shifts a little and makes it even more intense than before.


INSIDE THE LEGEND

 INSIDE THE LEGEND is a mockumentary of those insipid interview shows that litter TV land. The difference with this one is that they interview famous people through literature. Beowulf, Shakespeare, even Jill of Jack and Jill fame.
With your hosts Chaz Hannigan (Phil LaMarr) and Rhonda Kokopele (Vanessa Ragland) they ask the important questions of the time.
Not really.
Most of the time they don't even know who they are interviewing, wrapped snugly in their own egos.
This is a funny little show, the two hosts take turns being the guests depending on gender, except for the Shakespeare who is actually played by Vanessa in a little cross dressing nod to The Bard.
This is pretty funny, laugh out loud kind of stuff. Be sure to check it out for a quick laugh...or five! 

Lizzie Borden is the first episode, check it out;

Saturday, August 18, 2012

SPACE GUYS IN SPACE

Sometimes movies don't cut. Sometime television is 800 channels of nothing and boring! What is there to watch? I would recommend YouTube. And I don't mean the drivel put out by teenagers on their phone camera. I mean actual, well done, produced shows.
For example SPACE GUYS IN SPACE.
After the planet Earth explodes and the last of humanity travels through space to find a new home, the fleet is destroyed. All that is left is one escape pod with Carl (Jason Marsden) and Stew (Dave Levine). Not the best that humanity could have hoped for. They are assisted by the onboard A.I. GUSS (Nicole Pacent) who, as a gorgeous hologram, taunts Carl at every turn. Especially since she is a dead ringer for his unrequited crush.
As they hurtle through space, surviving on a steady diet of pizza and beer that comes from a conveniently placed wormhole in the escape pod.
At an average length of 5 minutes SPACE GUYS IN SPACE manages to keep things tight and hilarious as they face off against Amazons and condescending Albinards.
This is some funny stuff and with 13 episodes under their belt they show no sign of slowing down.
Hit the link above and enjoy. In the meantime, here's Episode 1;

Thursday, August 16, 2012

SWORD AND SANDAL FROM WARNER ARCHIVE!!!

Two new releases from Warner Archive are available for the true fan of old school sword and sandal epics.


 First up is Hercules, Samson and Ulysses. Sounds like an odd trio when you blend Greek mythology with some Old Testament Judeo-Christianity with a sprinkle of the dude from Homer's epic tale. Makes for an interesting mashup. For some reason, the Ulysses character comes across more as Howard Walowitz from Big Bang Theory than some sort of hero. He's kind of a wimp. The other two are your typical musclemen who first fight one another and then join forces to defeat the evil king of The Philistines.
An obvious low budget film, as evidenced by the sea monster they fight is nothing more than a seal that is never shown in frame with Hercules. When he throws a giant spear it changes to a tinier version when it strikes the seal.
Hercules also fights a bull and a lion with his bare hands. I laughed when he was more impressed with himself later in the film when he caught a chicken. I guess a chicken is the hardest of all the wild animals to kill.
The print is pretty good. The colors are nice, but could have been more vibrant and there is speckling and other things throughout the film they could have cleaned up.
One last thing. They might want to reconsider whoever it is they have writing the copy for the back of the DVD case. It was a groaner;
"Now this is a smackdown, ancient-myth style. No octagonal steel cage. No rules. No surrender. It's Hercules vs. Samson in a brawl to outdo them all, hurling spears, heaving chunks of pillars and, in the clinches, bending thick iron rods around each other. Hercules had set out to find Samson and deliver him to the Philistines in exchange for the imprisoned Ulysses and other Ithacans. Samson, of course, fights rather than submits. But in the course of the titanic Herc-Sam clash, something happens. The two rivals develop a mutual respect and decide to join forces against their common foes: the Philistines. From an enduring filmmaking tradition that unites monsters (Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man), desperados (Return of the Badmen) and superheroes (The Avengers) comes a not-to-be-overlooked film that brings together Hercules, Samson and Ulysses. Strap up your sandals' calf-high leather laces and get ready to rumble."
Um...Blergh?
I was impressed with the 17.95 price tag and Warner Archives is notorious for charging a lot for what is really a glorified DVD-R.
Any Hercules fan will want this for their collection. 






Next up is Damon and Pythias.

Guy Williams did this one between Zorro and Lost in Space. I think he and co star, Don Burnett, were looking for something to make them movie stars. Yeah, this wasn't it.
This is the legendary tale of friendship between two legendary figures of history. Yeah, it looks good and I can see why it was regulated to the Warner Archives, but it is so damned dull! If you're a true fan of these epic sword and sandal pictures then you're going to want to get it, but the curiosity seeker might want to just get the Hercules flick instead. It's a lot more fun than this one. Although the text on the back of this DVD case isn't nearly as bad.

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