Thursday, September 13, 2012

SNOW BEAST/SHARK NIGHT 3D (2011)

Let's do the shitty one first.

SHARK NIGHT 3D



Man, I can't believe they let them make this one. Was it for Shark Week last year? Who knows? So, we get the rich girl who invites her friends to her parents' island estate down in the bayou for a little fun and sun.
Then the sharks show up and bite the token black guys' arm off. When they try to get him to the hospital the shark bumps the boat and eats his girlfriend.
Did they really kill the black couple first? Isn't that considered bad form or cliche' or something like that?
Then the locals show up to help and the girl from American Idol and the guy who falls for the ugly, Russian girl in Dodgeball hitch a ride with them back to the mainland.
Too bad the locals are the ones that have been stirring up the sharks.
Ooooo! Was that a spoiler? Who cares?!?
Seems that these locals have caught all the sharks to get kill videos to sell to the sickos of the world. The rich girl coming home after three years is just icing on the cake.
I actually picked who was going to live at the beginning of this mess and hit it on the head. Hell, they were even smart enough to not kill the dog.
Even 3D wouldn't have saved this thing.



SNOWBEAST



Bo Duke turns in his General Lee to study the mating patterns of Lynx. He heads on up to Canada with two of his Lynx studying cohorts and his daughter because she got expelled from school.
Only problem is there are no lynx. No rabbits and the people population is dwindling as well.
Seems they have a Yeti problem. Or at least something that looks like a Yeti.
I thought that one of the rangers was the guy who played the boyfriend in Kevin Smith's Mallrats. I had no idea he had a twin brother that made these crapfests.
Don't get me wrong, I loves me the bigfoot/yeti genre. This one was pretty cool. Kept the cast to a minimum and gave us a really cool monster suit. None of that CGI crap.
I'll always take a thin plot with a monster suit over anything else. Like that Bigfoot thing I covered earlier with Danny Partridge and Greg Brady.
Good stuff.


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