Wednesday, December 25, 2013

THE PLAN...


My family loves me. They got me this. Two hundred movies. All old school cult flicks and drive in exploitation films. 
I am going to watch them all.
I thought it would be fun to set goals and do this with my ever faithful readers so, here's the plan;

I will watch all of these starting January 1st until December 31st 2014. Three hundred Sixty-Five days to watch 200 movies. Yes, I have seen some of these. Yes, I am going to watch them again. I will do a write up of each film and after that is over and all of them have been viewed I will compile the reviews into a book that you can buy for your very own.

This should be a lot of fun. 

And the fun starts in 7 days.

Be here.

Monday, December 16, 2013

SEE YOU IN THE NEXT LIFE, BILLY JACK

So, Peter O'Toole died. The media has managed to jump all over that.
While I am sorry that he passed away, I am a little angry that an exploitation legend has also left this mortal coil with much less fanfare.
Tom Laughlin, who is associated with the Billy Jack movies has gone to be with his ancestors.
To an exploitation film junkie, Billy Jack is one of those perfect storms of a movie. It has a social redeeming message and an insane human being at it's core. Tom knew his Hapkido and used it throughout the film.
Tom was kind of like our Bruce Lee.
And now he's gone.
I can honestly say I do not remember the last time I watched one of his movies so, I think I might be going back to that cinematic well in the very near future.
In the meantime, I give you this video. It always makes me think of how much I loved these movies. I am glad they are still here with us and we can visit Tom Laughlin anytime we want.

Seeya Billy.

We will meet again.


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE KALAMAZOO: A REVIEW




Last night was my first visit to the newly opened Alamo Drafthouse here in Kalamazoo. I was there to watch the 1979 film The Visitor. The movie is such a wild, weird flick that defies description so I don;t know if I want to try that here. I'm reviewing the theater, not the movie. The Drafthouse used to be The Rave. I went once when it was opened. Overpriced and the same as other theatres nearby that had their own parking lots. There was no good reason to go.
Now, a theatre that shows things like The Visitor or MS. 45. There's a reason to go.
With that said, lets run down the bad before the good. That way we get a pleasant finish to the entire experience.
THE BAD.
They serve food and drink in the theater. That's not bad, but I really wanted coffee. I looked at the menu. No coffee. I asked and they said yes they had it. But it wasn't on the menu and I am not a fan of not knowing what something costs when I order it. The served it in this tiny French press that gave about two, small cups of coffee. Later, when I finally got a refill, they charged me for the second thing of coffee. No where in the galaxy should that cost ten bucks. It was good coffee, but no free refills on coffee. Really?
They said if you need anything just write it down and put it on this little rack device in front of the table in front of you. Yeah, when my daughter ran out of soda and I coffee it seemed to take a long time to get refills and that became a distraction in my enjoyment of the movie.
My solution to the problem in the future will be to just go and watch the movie. That leads to all the good.
THE GOOD.
The seats have huge gaps between them. No person directly in front of you and no one directly in back of you. They have a no talking no cell phone policy that is like paradise. The seats have headrests on them so it is probably the most comfortable viewing experience that I have ever had. The half hour of clips before the movie were fun to watch and I had a great time overall.
So, in the end, would I go again?
Yes.
The Drafthouse is famed for doing interesting things with film and I am a huge fan of a lot of movies so, I can see myself going to see more things there.
I just won;t be ordering anything there.
I think I like to keep my dinner/lunch separate from my movie watching.
The popcorn was delicious, however.   
And they do validate your parking, which is nice.

Monday, December 2, 2013

DIVINE EXPLOITATION: THE BOOK!

It is here.



Order it here; https://www.createspace.com/4445657

That is all.

Thanks for reading.

Note: This cover was done by the amazing Ron Merchant. Through the magnificence of the magical interwebs he has found me. He is doing new art for me and I could not be happier. Hurray!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

CINEMA WASTELAND OCTOBER 2013 REPORT PART 3: A GHASTLEE GHOUL'S SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE MOVIES

Nothing can prepare you for the two hour block of insanity that is this event. I never miss it and here is a lengthy video of this year's event. I ran out of battery before it was open. Sorry.

CINEMA WASTELAND OCTOBER 2013 REPORT PART 2: BILL ZEBUB

Tradition at Cinema Wasteland is that there is a new Bill Zebub movie. This time, with INDIE DIRECTOR, Bill has delivered his best comedy to date. Here's the introduction he gave:




You can get your copy at www.billzebub.com

Review to follow.


Monday, October 7, 2013

CINEMA WASTELAND OCTOBER 2013 REPORT PART 1: DONNA WILKES



This was the first year any of our children attended the show with us. They had a fantastic time and good fun was had by all.
Before anything else I would like to show this video of the lovely, Donna Wilkes who is inn one of my favorite slasher flicks, BLOOD SONG. She signed my Big Box VHS of the movie and I got my picture taken with her. The panel was awesome even if the person running it got some things terribly wrong. I did get in the last question so, that was cool.
Enjoy the interview.




Sunday, September 15, 2013

MONOCHROMIA (2013)



In a world a little like ours a whole lot like someone elses', a chemical weapon is released. It is not supposed to do much, but in the end the entire world becomes color blind. Nothing is the same. 
Years later, a scientist (James Porter) is on the verge of a cure, but others covet his secret for one reason; greed. If they control who can and cannot see in color then they have ultimate power. The companies that used to produce color dyes for paint, fabric and many other things will come back and bring prosperity to the world again.
A mad billionaire sends his cronies to do his dirty work and the scientist ends up dead. Really dead. His cousin (Cherry Lynn Zinger) has to discover who did it and retrieve the secret of returning color to the world at large.
Being the considered expert on all films Legge, I was really looking forward to his new film. The basic concept felt a little darker and more satiric than the others. What? Don't believe I'm the expert? I did write a book on the man you know.

UNABASHED PLUG!!!!!!  



Here is the book I wrote. You can buy your very own copy of it here. Monochromia is not reviewed in it. That will be in the second edition.

So, how is the latest from the demented mind of Michael Legge? This reminds me a lot of Cutthroats, one of his earlier films. Where that one skewered the office worker environment Monochromia deals with things on a more world wide level. What would it be like if color was gone? Sure, we all like some old school movies and TV, but if your world was like that? It would be horrible.
Legge does double duty as the billionaire madman bent on controlling the world and his own flunky. Lorna Nogeira is, Alvin, the flunky's moll, Nadine. They are probably the heart of the film as while they do dastardly things, they do love each other in their own demented way. Being a huge Cherry Lynn Zinger fan I was ecstatic to see her back in a major role in a Legge film. She always makes me smile and this time was no exception.
The film works on the surface as a quirky comedy that takes place in a dimension slightly to the left of our own, much like Legge's political satire, Democrazy, but beneath the surface you get that feeling of dread. That whole everything is really just black and white, plain and simple. No gray areas. People are good or bad, evil or innocent nothing in between.
The things we expect from a Legge film are present. Scenes in a restaurant primarily, but this one felt more, I don;t know, intimate. The whole film dealing with a world wide crisis, felt more like it was what was happening on a street level. It made the crisis more personal and more real.
MONOCHROMIA shows us the importance of what we take for granted and makes us laugh in the process.
Now go buy this thing here

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

THE MEATEATER (1979)



So, we recently got a ROKU box when we cancelled cable. One of the channels is called Drive-In Classics. It has a variety of categories and one of them was Grindhouse. That's where I found this little gem. A word of warning; Drive In Classics is a sponsored channel. That means while it is free to watch there are a block of four or five commercials every ten minutes regardless of what is happening in the movie. Luckily I remember the days of late night broadcast television so I have had the proper training for this. Others might not fare as well.
So, there is this family that decides to buy a movie theater in a small town. The dad is sick of being a shoe salesman on the road all the time so they pack up and go to the new town with the theatre.
One small problem. A disfigured maniac is holed up in the place and he likes fresh meat. Real fresh meat. And if that wasn't enough, their teen age daughter looks a lot like his woman. Seems she's not with us anymore.
MEATEATER is a quirky little flick. Most of the people in it went on to...well, nothing. The guy who plays the dad was in  Gas Pump Girls. Most of them did nothing else. The kid (Gary Dean) who played the youngster at least went on to be in an episode of Fawlty Towers and three episodes of Doctor Who as three different characters.
Probably the most famous of the cast would be Joe Marmo who, as the detective on the scene, had the coolest name as Lt. Wombat. He played Nacho 'El Gordo' in Scarface.
The intense amount of commercials did break up the tepid flow of the film and it does drag. There also seems to be a lot of conversation about meat. The mom serves up a hot dog and gives a mini commercial about how healthy they are for you. They sing the Oscar Meyer song and mention Jimmy Dean sausage.
I did like that they were showing nature documentaries and they juxtaposed shots of animals eating with people gorging themselves in the theater.
In the end, this is just a weird little flick with a couple of nice effects, no nudity and some of the worst acting you will ever witness.
Another win!

Here's a scene. Weird thing? Someone dubbed it into another language?!?




Saturday, September 7, 2013

DREDD (2012)



I finally saw this. It came to Netflix and since I already have Netflix, I decided to watch it. After the 1995 Stallone debacle I saw little hope in them getting Dredd right. I grew up reading Dredd. If they released a comic book with him on the cover, I bought it. Simple. Dredd was one of those foundations you could always count on. You always knew where you stood with Judge Dredd.
Now I have seen the movie.
Never in the history of movies from comic books have they ever gotten it this right. This is like reading a Dredd comic. every beat is dead on perfect. It's a live action perfect duplicate of Judge Dredd.
Throughout the film I kept waiting for the helmet to come off. Karl Urban is a decent looking fella. Every other actor in the world takes off the mask in superhero movies. why would this be any different?
The helmet never left his head.
Karl Urban is the best actor in the world.
He left the helmet on because he knew how important it was that he did. No vanity. No ego. Just an actor doing what the part requires and doing what needed to be done.
But, it's also about Judge Anderson. The psychic Judge who is there to prove that she can get the job done. Olivia Thirlby does a spot on Judge Anderson. She knows that Dredd doesn't approve of her. She knows that in his eyes she has already failed.
Thirlby shows us every facet of Anderson. Her determination because she knows she's different. Her smoldering sensuality in a uniform that covers her completely from the neck down and is far from flattering for the female form. She is Judge Anderson.
I thought it was genius that most of the film is contained in one locale. It becomes more what makes Dredd tick and what lengths he will go to to uphold the law.
He says the line once and it is perfect.
Should I have seen this in the theater?
Probably.
Will I buy it?
Absolutely.
IN a movie/comic book world where they make Hawkeye wear a different costume, where Hank Pym will not be inventing Ultron, where Superman does things that the real Superman would never do...there is Dredd.
Dredd is perfect.
If you have no idea who Judge Dredd is then I feel sorry for you. Everyone should see this movie. It is gorgeously shot. Everyone brings their A+ game. Lena Headley (300) brings a psychotic rage to the leader of the bad guys that is chilling to watch.
All comic book movies should pay more attention to Dredd.
It's perfect.
Now, excuse me because I am going to watch it again.  

Sunday, July 7, 2013

LIKE FREE STUFF?

Who doesn't? Well, if you are one of the followers of this blog then each week in August I will be giving away a prize package to one lucky follower. So, follow today and get a jump on the crowd. I promise there will be many goodies. Then, after the month is over I will draw one name from the winners and they will get a free copy of DIVINE EXPLOITATION:THE BOOK! When it is released in November.
Seeya in August.


Week One winner is Brian D. Horrorwitz

Week Two winner is Jack Veasey

Week Three Winner is Holger Haase

Week Four Winner is Dr. Penis
  

INSECTICIDAL (2005)

The poster for this was kind of dumb. I liked the opening titles better.



So, we have a sorority house full of pretty girls, tough girls and nerdy girls. well, one nerdy girl. Cami (Meghan Heffern) who is studying insects and believes that they were originally much larger and much smarter. One, a scorpion, is so smart that it breaks into Sorority house leader Josi's (Rhonda Dent) room while she is having some bouncy bouncy fun time with the captain of the football team, Mitch (Travis Waters). In a tiff, Josi hoses down Cami's bugs with bug spray.
Unfortunately, these are not run of the mill bugs and it triggers a reaction that makes them large.
Large and hungry.
So it's a sorority house full of hot girls versus king size versions of a scorpion, stag beetle, spider and praying mantis. And that praying mantis is huge. Throw in a hot tub party and you have the perfect mix for big, big fun.
INSECTICIDAL reminds me of classic exploitation. We get naked girls, blood and crappy CGI. The classic stuff would have replaced the crappy CGI with crappy bug puppets, but you get the idea.
Meghan Heffern is like a Felicia Day clone. She exudes the hot, nerdy girl.

See what I mean? Hot and nerdy.


 Her sister (in the film, not real life) Sophi (Samantha McLeod) is the epitome of stacked blonde who is really funny as well.

See what I mean? Hot, blonde and stacked.


 While it is sad that they both keep their clothes on, it is expected from Cami as the nice girl. Sophi was a little more disappointing, but she did kiss girls in the movie so, that's okay. There are plenty of boobs in the movie anyway. Well, sort of. It seems that the only girls disrobing were card carrying members of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee and that's not a bad thing, it's just, well the same. One girl in the hot tub really had no boobs. Really! She was built like a 12 year old...boy.
But, the gore flows and there is a lot of cliche, genre dialogue that is done pretty well. The bugs are crap, but they still manage to work.
Oh, did I mention the hot, Asian exchange student? Fumi (Vicku Huang)? They do manage to keep her clothed in a skimpy workout outfit, but spend an awful lot of time with her doing weapons training with sai. She was pretty cool.
In the end this is a quick little time waster with a really attractive cast of people. They guys don't mind being as nude as the ladies and Meghan Heffern should be in more stuff. She managed to channel her inner Felicia Day like a pro.
One last thing.
A lot of bugs get killed in this and the bug goo flies pretty fast and furious. It so looks like facial porn with out the actually...well, porn. Just strange is all.  

Here's the trailer

.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Cries of Ecstasy, Blows of Death (1973)




So, we finally cut the cable and bought a ROKU box. It is amazing and saves us so much money. Then I noticed that Something Weird Video has its own channel. The best 4.99 a month anyone could spend. I have barely scratched the surface of all the Grindhouse goodness, but when I saw this title I knew I would have to watch it.
It is the year 2062 and the Earth is a wasteland. Breathable air is almost gone and only by living in these huge plastic domes near a giant pipeline can the last of humanity continue to survive. Motorcycle gangs roam the countryside and the film opens with a pack of motorcycle riders raping a couple of girls. One of them ends up dead with her throat slit for the trouble.
The opening narration is by God himself.
There is much simulated sex to be had throughout the movie and in the final act another group of people arrive at the dome and one of them is Uschi Digard. Luckily the future seems to be clothing optional.
There is much over acting to be had with people who belong to the yell your lines school of acting. That makes it funny.



The one vehicle they have is this cool custom job that must be seen to be believed. The denizens of the future wear gasmasks that seem to supply them with air even though the eye holes have no glass in them.
The clear plastic domes are cool, and inflatable and using the stretch of the desert with a huge pipeline and a water runoff underneath gives the film a weird vibe that works really well.
The thing that took it up a notch is a little over half way through the film when one of the motorcycle gang brings his pregnant wife to the domes so their baby can be born and live. The man in charge explains that they all only have a few hours left and it would be a waste to give anyone hope with a new life. When the leader of the motorcycle gang rushes the leader another member of the leaders tribe flies into frame with an huge kick to the face. At that point we get some pretty well choreographed Kung Fu that seems so out of place, but makes it just that much more of a cool film.
Of the entire cast Ushci Digard is the most recognizable and gets to have dialogue which is always nice. The other two actresses that did more than this film were Sandy Carey (WHAM BAM THANK YOU SPACEMAN) and Neola Graef (CHROME AND HOT LEATHER)
Even the director and producer did nothing after this and it's kind of a shame. Mixing some intense soft core with a futuristic, bleak armageddon story with kung fu and motorcycles is always a good time.



Thank you Something Weird Video for having your own ROKU channel.    

Saturday, June 1, 2013

SHAMELESS EXPLOITATION

I have always loved mini comics. Making them, reading them. It was recently when I was reading a book about zines that I found this unique 8 fold process to make a little comic book. To say I got carried away is an understatement. Here are some of the ones I have done to date;


Based on the podcast Tell 'Em Steve Dave. If you order one of my other mini comics, I will throw one of these in as a request. 

The only way to get one of these is to appear at one of my live shows. I do them once a month at the 411 Club in Kalamazoo Michigan. See you there.



Doug Life is my autobiographical comic. This issue my lovely wife, Martha and I went to Ann Arbor to see The Proclaimers.


This issue of Doug Life deals with my hate/hate problem of being a bike rider and stupid people who like to break glass. 

When Jess Franco passed away I decided to do a series of comics, each one dealing with one of his films. This one is an introduction and can be had for free if you order issue 2 that deals with his film WE ARE 18. 



My first attempt at a super hero comic. Yes, he's a giant K. I just finished issue 2 of this one.

I do accept trades. Ordering the Franco File is just a dollar and I throw in a freebie. Kapitan Kalamazoo is a quarter, but you need to throw in a few shekels for postage and I will throw in some freebies.

I just finished the first issue of THOR and that is also a quarter.

Paypal is dwaltz1962@yahoo.com

Thanks for reading.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

MARON (2013)



I remember back in the good old days when Comedy Central showed a lot of stand up comedy. A lot of it. I got to see some of the best comedians in the world do what they did best. Marc Maron was always one of my favorites.
I recently listened to a podcast from The Nerdist and Chris Hardwick had Marc Maron on as his special guest. Coincidentally  IFC gave Maron his own television show based on his podcast, WTF? with Marc Maron. I had never listened to the podcast so I thought I would give it a listen. Yeah, it's funny.
The new show is also funny. I managed to catch the first two episodes and in the first one Marc hunts down an Internet troll to give him what for. Dave Foley is along for the ride and it is a humorous look at the subject. episode two deals with a dead possum and Dennis Leary calling Marc a pussy.
This is a funny show and I hope it doesn't go the way of many of my other favorite shows. If it does, I still have a trwasure trove of podcasts to listen to. If it works, then it's like icing on an already delicious cake.
The show is on IFC Fridays at 10, but I will never remember to watch it then so On Demand works for me.
You should watch it too.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so for many years I have ridden my bike. To work, to school, to work again. There is this wonderful bike trail that goes right to the bus stop for me to catch the bus to whisk me off to my wonderful job.
It's a shame that the people in the neighborhoods that the trail goes through are too fucking stupid to appreciate it.
There is constantly broken glass on the trail that is used my pedestrians, children, bike riders and their many and varied pets. Glass by people too fucking stupid to deserve to live near such a great bike trail.
Short of taking my time and sweeping the glass off the trails by myself, probably to be greeted by new glass shortly thereafter, I see no way to solve this problem.
There is a bike lane that also gets me there. It too is riddled with the glass of morons and idiots that feel it necessary to break glass where people move their bikes and/or feet through the streets.
Morons!
Here is what the tube I removed today looked like.
(Note: This tire had already been patched once. The Fix A Flat worked for a minute before the hole tore and released the goop.)





I know two things.
One, I will have to think of a solution to this problem.
Two, I had better never see anyone breaking glass in my presence.
I don't have the bail money sufficient to get me out of what I will do to them.
Suggestions on a solution are being taken. All will be considered.



Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Divine Exploitation...The Book

When I decided to do a Print On Demand book of my zine I had no idea what I had bitten off. I would put in reviews, art, interviews, something with Linnea Quigley and my long piece on Jess Franco's A Virgin Among The Living Dead. I have 112 pages done with just reviews and a few of the interviews done as well. In the end the book looks like it will be a 300 page behemoth. That works for me.

Here's the cover;


This was done by Ron Merchant back in the day of print. I have no idea where Ron is and miss him terribly. He so got the whole Divine Exploitation idea and was fearless, unafraid to offend, well everyone.

Stew Miller gave me this fantastic bit of art;



I liked this so much that it is the header for every section of the book. It has that kitchen sink feel that I always tried to achieve with Divine Exploitation. One time I wrote about Spider Man cereal. Why? I really liked it. It was like Lucky Charms without all the damned marshmallows.

Then Linc Polderman gave me what will be the back cover. A lot of people like to put words on their back covers of their books. Yeah, I don't see that happening;








I know what you're thinking; 'Doug, when will the book see release?' I have a definite answer for you. November 7th 2013. Why? Simple. In 1988, twenty five years ago I did two things. One, I made this zine that has mutated into a website. It has been an epic 25 years of fun. The other thing? My oldest son, Seann will be 25 on that date. Really the better of the two things I created. 
So, as it gets closer to a release date I will have prices locked down and a page count. I have plenty of time to get it done. Five months for what is essentially a big, pretty reprint book. I will have signed copies available for anyone who asks at no additional cost. 
Stick around this should be fun.

P.S. This May we are shooting our second film, ATTACK OF THE KILLER CYBORGS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.  Wheeeeee!



Sunday, April 14, 2013

BABYSITTER MASSACRE 2013



The newest film by Henrique Couto goes back to the very roots of 80's slasher/splatter films. This is a time frame that is near and dear to my heart so, if it is done badly I tend to release my fury upon those responsible.
That being said to preface this review, Mr. Couto may now breathe easy.
The basic premise is of a group of girls that put together a babysitters club when they were younger. One, extremely cold Halloween night all of the girls decided it was too cold to trick or treat. Except Bianca (Marylee Osborne). She wanted to go out so her friend went with her. Then a white masked killer took her friend and Bianca ran for her life.
Seven years later and she is now been ostracized by the group, except for Angela (Erin R. Ryan). It is Halloween and they are planning a reunion of the babysitters club.
Someone else is also planning a little reunion.
The white faced killer from seven years ago is back.
No one is safe.
There are two kinds of slasher films. The basic, unstoppable killer type and the one that is more human. The one that has some God awful motive in the twisted sense of the word. Those are fun because you can try and guess who the killer is.
I did, but not until I was supposed to. Well done, Mr. Couto.
The gore set pieces are incredible to watch. I was most fond of the boiling water on the head that resulted in some wicked bubbly skin effect. It looked seamless to me and having been a burn victim, pretty spot on. Fingernail pulling always makes me squirm and it was at this point that I realized that the foley work was excellent. Not too big of a surprise as Mr. Couto's years of experience as a musician would lend itself well to this particular aspect of film making.
We drove 600 miles round trip to see this movie. We always go see Henrique's world premieres. It's just a thing that is done at The Waltz Compound. And we have yet to be disappointed.
Oh, and the most important part of a slasher movie is two fold; Boobs and Blood. All I can say is that Mr. Couto embraced the formula and both of these requirements were met with spectacular results.
Really.



My final plea with Henrique would be for him to visit another genre that worked so well in the 80's. Action films. Marylee Osborne would be the perfect star for a cheeseball action flick and it would be so very, very cool.

Monday, April 8, 2013

CINEMA WASTELAND APRIL 2013 REPORT

Our weekend started with a little drama as I was under the idea that I had prepaid for thee room. Their website sure made it seem that way to me. Yeah, I was wrong. And Super 8 were jack holes about the entire thing. Add that the security thingie on the door was snapped off and the sink was clogged with coffee grounds and that we had to move rooms, made for a foul taste in my mouth.
We decided to not let this bother us and went in  search of food. We discovered a little out of the way place called S&M Delicatessen where we split a spinach feta pie and a pepperoni calzone that were both out of this world. Just amazing. And the hummus that came with the pie was delicious.


After that we went to check out the collection of movie trailers in movie room 2. It was Prevues From Hell 2 and my buddy Dan Taylor is in it so that was a good way to start the day.
We didn't stray too far and watched a new film SHE DEVILS A GO GO. Hot Carl was the funniest part of the movie and it was a lot of fun.


After that we were off to Movie Room 1 where Jamie Rose, Chris Lemmon and director Jeff Lieberman discussed the classic JUST BEFORE DAWN. Chris Lemmon was very funny. Unfortunately, the problem with his microphone seemed to haunt the entire show. I love my Wasteland and after 23 shows will always go, but the microphone cutting out started to become annoying. Chris Lemmon made it fun though.


After that Jack Sholder introduced his movie, THE HIDDEN and his talk was great. Unfortunately, my camera cut out and I didn't get all of the video I would have wanted. That and he had the crappy microphone.
That did it for us for the night we went back to the room for pizza. Unfortunately, Leonardo's didn't answer their phone so we got Domino's. Still good pizza for late night.
 There was also much visiting with people in the dealer rooms that day.
The next morning Martha took her traditional 'Epic Shower' which lasts forever while I went back to the dealer room to say hello to many people who I won't name drop here.
Then it was time for one of my favorite times at Wasteland. 42nd Street Pete's Hardcore Wrestling Hour. My God that stuff is brutal. Especially the razor blade board match where this poor bastard got suplexed onto the board. Gross! Yet entertaining.
Later in the afternoon it was time for the main event, for me anyway.
A showing of SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE and afterwards a panel with Debra De Liso, Joe Johnson, Brinke Stevens and killer Michael Villella. They were fantastic and I could have listened to them all day. Michael is a method actor and he decided to use an animalistic approach to his behavior in the film. Which animal you might ask? Peacock. watch it again, it works. And his famous 'I Love You' line? Yeah, he made that up. Such a good time.


Aftre that it was my other favorite thing at Wasteland. 42nd Street Pete's Grindhouse. Pete and Wasteland promoter, Ken Kish talk about the classic days of Wasteland. Their special guest was stunt man extraordinaire, Gary Kent. Having read Gary's book Shadows & Light: Journeys with Outlaws in Revolutionary Hollywood I was excited to meet him in person. It was one of the best Grindhouse panels of all time. I even got to have my picture taken with Gary and buy his awesome movie, The Pyramid, which I shall review here at a later date.


Then it was time to break for dinner before we went to see Kelli Maroney introduce Chopping Mall
. It is amazing how she looks the same. I was a little mad at people with fat heads who kept getting in the camera range, but I did get the audio for all of her talk so I was happy about that.
And then it was time for the ultimate part of Wasteland.
A. GHASTLEE GHOUL'S NITE AT THE MOVIES!!!!!!! (Insert applause here)
We get a performance by Ghastlee's band, Splattertude. There are games and trivia. I even got a cool t shirt for Dandelion out of Lou's underpants! Always a lot of fun.
Then another tradition is to watch whatever movie Bill Zebub has brought with him to Wasteland. JESUS, DAUGHTER OF GOD did not disappoint. Part three of his unoffical Jesus trilogy, this one deals with a burlesque stripper quantum leaping into the body of Christ. Sex, hijinks, aikido battles and really cool slow motion fly by in the next 90 minutes and  make for a really funny film.
Then it was time for sleepy.
The next morning we slept a little late so no free breakfast for us. Instead we feasted at Denny's and then came back to get a few more souvenirs, say goodbyes and watch JUST BEFORE DAWN as a last hurrah to another excellent wasteland.
And, if that wasn't enough, we then winged our way to nearby Oberlin to have food with the awesome Tim Paxton and his sister Heather and lady friend Cara Romano. We went to a cool place called The Feve and I got their burger they named after themselves. They were huge. We talked about, well everything and then it was time to wing our way home to the drab city of Kalamazoo until October when we shall again trek to the most magical place in the world...
CINEMA WASTELAND!!





Saturday, April 6, 2013

JESUS, THE DAUGHTER OF GOD (2012)



I have liked Bill Zebub movies for a very long time. My first exposure to him was the original THE WORST HORROR MOVIE EVER MADE. He hates that I still own my copy. Then along came the only convention to go to. Cinema Wasteland. Bill Zebub is always there; showing his films and selling his wares. Before you take me for a blind fan, last year he showed his newest film, DISGRUNTLED EMPLOYEE. Yeah, I went back to my motel room and slept. I didn't care for it.
But, his Christ movies always entertain me. ZOMBIE CHRIST was epically funny. JESUS, TOTAL DOUCHEBAG also is quite entertaining. Now, using a little quantum mechanics, the basic premise of the TV show, Quantum Leap and a lot of slow motion camera work, JESUS, DAUGHTER OF GOD, is born!
The basic premise has a Go Go dancer (Scarlett Storm) stumble on a Quantum Physicist (Bill Zebub) who has created a device that puts her back in time into the actual form of Jesus.
Her one, true disciple, Peter (Also, Bill Zebub) sticks by her through thick and thin as she uses her new found abilities to change the course of history and try to make the world a better place.
This movie is hilarious. Laugh out loud funny. The female lead is so cute and her delivery makes me giggle. Just a great performance. Bill is always good in his movies and, while his slow motion battles are unflattering to every female figure, it still works.
 think the Bill Zebub deserves a second, mre in depth look now that we have the third film. I see that coming in the future.
Meanwhile, I leave you with this;

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

My meeting with Jess Franco

It was many moons ago in the faraway land of Chicago. My beautiful wife, Martha agreed to travel with me with our three very small children and do nothing, but wait for me. I had the schedule for the RezenHed convention that Jess was to appear at. We were late. I figured I would see Jess for a few minutes and that was it.
I was wrong.
I forgot the time change and actually arrived before the panel was to begin.
Then I spotted him smoking with Lina Romay.
I froze like a geek in headlights and made my way to the room where the panel was going on.
I managed to ask a few mindless questions and he answered all of them.
Then I realized he was going to be in the convention hall and had a table. I got him to autograph a picture and Lina did the same for me. They both talked to me for a while and I gushed like a fanboy about A Virgin Among The Living Dead. He answered all of m y questions and seemed genuinely happy that someone liked a movie of his so very much. I bought a VHS of Franco trailers they were selling that I still have and he autographed.
It was because of that meeting that I arranged an interview with him and it was done in a weird way. Remember it was the late 90's.
I typed out a list of questions with huge spaces between each one. I mailed the questions to him, he wrote his answers and mailed it back. (And, yes, I still have the list).
I remember every minute of that time like it was yesterday. We all got our pictures together and none of us smiled. I know I was nervous, but it was funny that we all have such stone faces. I have to look for the picture. I know it's around the Waltz Compound somewhere and I will post it here.
I am so very grateful that I got to meet him. I could have listened to him talk for days.
But, I had the world's best wife in the entire world with a fan full of infants in downtown Chicago.
I had to go with my bag of signed photos and video tapes and know that I had finally met one of my favorite directors in the world.
Goodbye again Unca Jess.
I'm off to watch A Virgin Among The Living Dead...again.

Goodbye Jess



A little over a year ago I had to say goodbye to the one and only Lina Romay. Now, her beloved joins her in the hereafter. I have a bigger thing in my heart that I want to get on internet paper and that will take more time than I have right now. Next week probably when I have lost this huge lump in my throat that threatens to turn into sobs. everyone knows that my favorite Franco movie is A Virgin Among The Living Dead. I think I'll watch it tonight.
I won't miss him because he left me so many movies that I adore and he is in so many of them. I can see him as much as I want to. I will miss the fact that he is no longer in the same world as me. I realize that I am a selfish bastard when it comes to things like that, but I don't care.
All I know is that he's gone and it makes the world that much of a dimmer place.

The web site TWITCH had this to say;

Jesús "Jess" Franco - director of nearly 200 films, father of the 1960s Spanish horror boom and father of several generations of filmmakers - has died in Malaga of heart complications, at the age of 82.

I don't think you could find a post-1970 horror filmmaker who doesn't know Franco's work or hasn't been influenced by him. From The Awful Dr. Orloff and Vampyros Lesbos to The Mansion of the Living Dead, his work was outrageous, bloody, sexy, gory, creepy, and crossed just about every line imaginable - some that even today's horror filmmakers wouldn't dare put a toe over. 

Making films in Spain in the 1960s wasn't easy. Censorship rules imposed by the fascist government meant that horror films were rare. But some changes to policy (made in part to help Spain's economy through foreign investment and international co-productions) allowed Franco to make his first horror picture, Gritos en la Noche, in 1961. This not only introduced the world to that sinister madman Dr. Orloff, who would kidnap and cut up women to his and the audience's terror and delight, but also unveiled Franco's particular brand of narrative, reconstructed from classic horror and gothic tales, combining terror and eroticism. His gaze has been called one of the sadistic male, but it is entirely self-aware and self-reflexive. 

In his films, both men and women (such as in Miss Muerte/The Diabolical Dr. Z) are equally capable of the most vicious crimes and daring sex. While other horror filmmakers at the time kept sex in the background, with Franco it was front and centre - what Angel Sala (director of the Sitges Film Festival) calls a "bizarre and disturbing eroticism". Franco himself would deny that he was being original; he saw his own work as merely one part of a great era. However, his work was considered highly dangerous by the Spanish Catholic Church, which likely only increased his popularity. 

But between himself and fellow Spaniard Paul Naschy, they created the Spanish horror boom of the late 1960s and early 1970s, though Franco was always modest about his work. Many great actors would work with him over the years, including Christopher Lee (with whom he worked on Count Dracula, which Lee has always said was his favourite of his Dracula films), Klaus Kinski and Jack Taylor. Once censorship ended in the late 1970s, Franco was free to get even more bizarre and bloody, and continued to make his particular brand of so-called 'B' horror and exploitation films, and even some soft-core porn, often under an alias, well into last year. He was also an accomplished musician, and wrote music for a number of his films. Really, his work is so prolific that it is impossible to sum up. Luckily, much of it is available on DVD, and several books have been published on him and his influence. 

His wife and long-time collaborator Lina Romay passed away last year. I'd like to think that now they are making even more incredibly outrageous films on another plane of the universe. 

I appreciate them for such kind words. The major news sites had nothing to say.
Typical.
Jess wasn't for them anyway.
He was for us.
Goodbye Unca Jess.
I will miss you.

Monday, April 1, 2013

SOMETHING WEIRD: TEEN TURMOIL TRIPLE FEATURE

These Something Weird Triple Features are such a blast. You have no idea what you are in for. That being said, let's dive right in!



GIRL IN TROUBLE (1963)

Small town girl, Judy Collins knows that she doesn't want to go straight from home to life cooking and cleaning for her beau, Johnny. She wants a taste of the big city so, without a word, she packs a suitcase and heads on out to New Orleans.
Unfortunately, Judy is not very good at this and twists her ankle. along comes a night in shining armor in the form of a sleazebag with a car. He offers to give Judy a lift to the big city and the minute she nods off he puts the violent moves on her.
She bashes his head in with a rock and takes off in his car. Now she's in the city and has the specter of murder looming over her pretty head. Her job slinging hash gets her no where fast and the job at the lingerie store quickly reveals itself to be a front for a prostitute house. After she gets raped, of course.
Then she finds her calling at a dance hall, but Johnny is searching for her.
GIRL IN TROUBLE starts with our title girl being hauled off to the hospital from an overdose. It is there the voice over starts and we get the story of Judy Collins. It was a nice twist for the big city NOT being New York for a change.
It's a snapshot of a New Orleans that doesn't exist anymore. These films play more as exploitative time capsules than anything else. With a low budget you use reality as your set dressing and this is no exception. I was amazed to discover that Tammy Clarke, who plays Judy never did anything else. She is so pretty in this movie. Some of her hair style choices leave a lot to be desired, but figure and face wise, she is extremely attractive.
Director Brandon Chase is probably more well known for his producing skills, giving us the epic Sword and the Sorcerer (1982). But this is an adequate little pot boiler. A little stingy with the nudity, but it still does what it is supposed to do. Scare the crap out of young girls who try to leave their man back at the farm. Although this one might have the most upbeat ending of this particular sub genre.






A GOOD TIME WITH A BAD GIRL (1967)

John Cabot's (Vincent Van Lynne) plane is having a time of getting back to The Big Apple. His private jet sets down in Las Vegas where, at the same time, young Susan (Susan Evans) has finally broken the chain of foster home to foster home and has a little money in her pocket and ready to make her way as a big girl in Sin City. John is happy with Vegas. Even his room has it's own swimming pool. He calls his wife to get her to come out to the desert, but she complains that she has her gardening club to attend to.
It isn't long before John and Susan meet over her winning at slots and the electricity flies through the air. She thinks he is really 'groovy' and soon they fall into bed together. When she tells him that her eighteenth birthday is next week he offers to get her a present. Apparently seventeen is legal in Vegas. Soon they hit the night life and have different ideas of what is a good time. He wants a nice restaurant, she wants a hot dog. He wants to catch a show, she wants to catch a STD at an orgy. He leaves her to her own devices and when they realize this will never work, he heads back to The Big Apple to run his financial empire while she trolls the main drag of Vegas for older men...for now.
Susan has that page boy hair cut and button nose that, coupled with a nice figure makes for pretty cute stuff. It's a Barry Mahon flick so you get a lot of naked women dancing for no other reason than, well their naked. He even uses a jiggling butt to signal that the picture has come to an end. That would work for a nudie cutie from this time period, but this picture ends on a much heavier note. John basically leaves Susan with a few bucks and the hotel room and is on his merry way. When we see Susan last she is climbing into a fancy car with an older gentleman.
This movie has some classic Vegas done on the cheap. A skyline that hasn't existed for decades unfolds before our eyes and it is fascinating to watch. Like a lot of Mahon movies there are scenes that go on forever. The one of a couple using one of those electric vibrators that ends in something resembling a suction cup goes on for what seems eternity. There are close up scenes where we know we are looking at patches of skin from a smooth woman's body and an overly hairy man's body. What parts? Beats me! It was too close.      
Better than GIRL IN TROUBLE in it's believable story, but looks terrible in comparison.



BAD GIRLS DO CRY (1963)

Chronologically smack dab in the middle and looking like it came from the forties is our final feature of the threesome. The other two had some over dubbing occur in the mix, but nothing like this baby. Sally Downs (Misty Ayers) is fresh in town. What town? Not sure. Anytown USA according to the voice over. It seems Sally was supposed to meet a friend and see if city life was made for her. He friend bailed so, Sally was on her own.
She quickly found a job at a diner and then got a gig doing modeling. Did I say modeling? I meant lured out to suburbia to a house that was a front for a whorehouse where she got beat and drugged and forced to service clients.
Then she met a young man and it was love at first sight. He vowed to get her out no matter what the cost.
The dubbing in this would give Doris Wishman a headache. When there are two people talking we get a shot of the person not talking while the other person is a voiceover. And back and forth it goes with no one's mouth moving. To call it surreal would be an understatement.
The lead girl, Misty Ayers is very pretty, but after whatching her dress and undress, preening for the camera we get bored pretty quick. Also, no nudity. I hear you screaming out there, but it's true. Not a frame of any female pulchritude to be seen anywhere. I question the release date of the movie. It comes across as if they all knew they were making a silent film. There is over exaggerated movements, wild hysterics in front of the camera and that infernal dubbing I mentioned.
For you trivia freaks out there I want you to know that the director is none other than Sid Melton. For those of you asking, 'who?' I direct you to the classic TV comedy Green Acres. Remember the Monroe Brothers? He was the actual brother as we all know that his other brother, Ralph was actually a girl. Melton made two flicks 35 years apart. His other effort ...And Call Me In The Morning with Frank Sinatra Jr. I have yet to see.
This one was a surreal doozy and the entire disc would make for one great party DVD.
For extras there are audio ads for exploitation films while we are regaled with a gallery of old, sordid movie magazines.
There are trailers for Bad Girls Don't Cry (A completely different movie than Bad Girls Do Cry), Bad Girls Go To Hell, Prowl Girls and The Diary of Knockers McCalla (Yeah, you know I'm watching this one)
Finally we wrap up with a short that shows us what Bad Girl star Misty Ayers does in her non movie making time. A wonderful, erotic striptease that shows off more than she shows in the movie.
This was a stuffed to the gills bad girl extravaganza and worth every cent.




Monday, March 25, 2013

HORROR OF THE NAZI GORILLA (2013)



Part of the anthology, Weird Crime Stories, which can be purchased HERE. Tells the tale of crime fighters Rock Savage and Dr. Anubis as they discover a group of Fourth Reich Nazis developing a bizarre breed of Rape Gorilla!
This is a pulpy throwback to films that are a lot of fun. Currently you can watch it HERE at Count Gore DeVol's website, but it will be gone soon. Why not order the DVD and you get three more shorts to go with it. How can you go wrong?
Answer: You can't.

Check out some mad beats from the Count his own self!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

SWV's ONE SHOCKING MOMENT TRIPLE BILL.

Over the years I have professed my love for all things Something Weird Video. They put things out that you will never see anywhere else. My one time trying to contact them they were assholes, but I have put that behind me and continue to enjoy their product.
This time it's a triple bill of kink with some extra kink as well.
Sit back and relax. This could take a minute.


Monday, March 18, 2013

LIONMAN (1975)



Or, it's original title ASLAN ADAM, LIONMAN tells the tale of a King who's kingdom is overthrown just as his wife has gone into labor. He manages to stop the hordes from following her long enough to give birth in the woods, but it is too much for her and she dies. Her child is raised by lions and he becomes the Lionman of legend.
Soon, his path crosses with the evil king's son and they develop a bond regardless of what has happened.
Then the truth is revealed and along with a band of rebels they attack the evil king, bent on destroying him and wrestling control of the kingdom that he stole so many years ago/
 I was rereading the awesome Pete Tombs book, Mondo Macabro and thought this looked like something right down my alley. You know, a dark, seedy, foreign kind of alley.
I couldn't have been more right.
The lead Lionman spends more than half of the movie saying nothing and kicking ass. He didn't know how to talk until the pretty rebel girl teaches him. His claw like hands shreds the faces of all who oppose him.
I have to say that there is so much action in this movie. Lionman spends most of it springing through the air and you only really see the trampoline once.
It doesn't ruin the fact that this movie just goes and goes and goes. The final battle scene I swear he slaughters hundreds of guys. Or the same eight guys a lot. The blood flows, Lionman leaps through the air and vengeance is achieved.
If this is any indication of my journey through the madness of Mondo Macabro and it's pages then I am in for one heck of a ride.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

DESTROYING MY YOUTH

The other day I was on my way to work. I take the bus because gas is way too expensive and would eat into my comic book and movie money. Anyway, there was, for the longest time, a Burger King in downtown  Kalamazoo.
Yeah, it's leveled.



This is the Burger King where someone spotted Elvis many years after his death. Kind of a big deal, but the guy who owned the franchise died and no one wanted to take it over. They have another one over off I-94 and it is creepy looking with all the furnishings still inside and the big piece of sheet metal that was under the Burger King sign shakes and makes the worst noises on a windy day.
Yeah it's by the bus stop where I get to work.
But, that wasn't too bad.
Martha and I were driving down Gull Road from Meijer when I spotted the huge pile of rubble that had been the East Towne Mall.
That one hurt.



I spent a lot of time at that mall. They had a 5 plex theater where I watched a majority of my movies. The mall had an arcade. They had a Tom Sawyer's Book Raft where I bought my first Doctor Who novelizations. There was a restaurant called The Final Curtain where they made the best French Dip sandwich and I even worked there for a while when I was younger.
This was my mall.
It has one of my favorite Dad stories. My dad would come and get us four kids and take us out on weekend
adventures afetr he and my mom got a divorce. We saw a lot of movies.
A lot of movies.
Anyway, we were walking down the mall and I had spotted something I wanted at the book store or some such thing. I ran up behind my dad and asked him for a dollar.
He said, 'A Dollar!' and clutched his chest and fell to the ground.
Priceless!
My family seems to find faking a cardiac arrest one of the funniest things in the world.
Now they have torn that down.
This sucks.

Monday, March 11, 2013

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS (2013)





For those of you hiding under a rock, this is the sequel to the magnificent horror comedy Caesar and Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre (2009) Probably one of the funniest films I have ever seen. Now, after their skewering of the Summer Camp Slasher sub genre, Caesar (Dave Campfield) and Otto (Paul Chomicki) are doing the same to the Santa slasher sub genre.
Did you know there was such a thing?
Oh, yeah and most of them are pretty funny. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) is probably the most infamous of the bunch and this film has no problem making fun of all of them.
The film starts with a typical Caesar and Otto moment; trying to find an acting gig. Caesar is offered one, but his fear of Santa due to childhood trauma prevents it. Otto has been dreaming of his high school sweetheart and is on a quest to find her and make her his again.
They get work with a group that is trying to spread the good word and Caesar notices they have a lot of film equipment lying around. He convinces them they should make a Santa slasher flick to make more money and then it is on.
Add in an actual killer in a Santa suit and it gets weird from there.
Caesar and Otto’s Deadly Christmas is so filled with references it will take multiple viewings just to get them all. Luckily the movie is hilarious so that isn’t a bad thing.
Throw in cameos by Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley, Robert Z’Dar, Joe Estevez and Lloyd Kaufman and you get what will surely be a classic for the Christmas season every year.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

SON OF DRACULA (2009)



Because of Tim Paxton I became more curious about the Bollywood movie experience. Sure, I had seen a couple of them through the years, but now it seems to be turning into more of an obsession. Along with Mexican Monster movies, but that's for Weng's Chop, not here.
So, Son of Dracula. Seems there is this asshole landlord and Dracula sends his women after him to get him to have sex with them. One succeeds and gives birth to a little vampire that will destroy the landlord's family.
I managed to find a copy that has the last half with subtitles. Thank God because I would have had no idea what was going on. The Dracula in this is a huge monster with spooky lighting and can shoot rays out of his eyes. His son does the same thing and it makes policemen's clothes disappear. (Yeah, not sure either.) The little guy is funny because half the time he is an obvious dummy and the other half a little kid.
The movie is insane and moves at a breakneck speed with plenty of dance numbers. I felt bad for one of the brides of Dracula who had to dance under a tiny waterfall for the entire number. She must have gotten soaked with the length of the number and assuming they got it in one take.
This reminded me of being a youngster and watching all those Saturday afternoon monster movies. Such a good time. I found a copy of Dracula and will have to see how it compares. This one throws everything at the screen and doesn't care if it sticks or not.

Here's the first part of the flick. You can watch it all on YouTube.



Thursday, February 21, 2013

JUNGLE LOVE (1990)



Normally, I don't like watching movies where I don't speak the language and there are no subtitles. Lately, I have been watching a lot of Mexican horror movies for an article for Weng's Chop and a lot of them do not have subtitles. It seems to be working for me. You kind of shut a little part of your brain down and appreciate what is happening in front of you. It requires more concentration coupled with some interpretaion, but I do like it. My friend, Tim Paxton, is hooked on the Bollywood flicks. I have seen a couple thanks to Mondo Macabro and thought they were fun. 
I tried to watch a drama on Hulu and after an hour was just bored to death.
Then I watched Jungle Love.
So much fun!
It is a direct rip on the Tarzan myth. Kind of. Apparently, the child was born in an Amazonian society and they put him in a raft and sent him down the river. Luckily a midget in a chimpanzee and a lactating lioness found him and raised him to be one with the jungle.
Along come some mercenaries after Amazonian gold and Tarzan falls bad for Jane. In this case it is Raja and Rita. Still, they do like one another.
I love when they break into song throughout the film. It gives the entire proceedings a surreal quality you don't find here in America, or a lot of other places.
I figured out what was going on with the film and thought it was entertaining.
I think I likes me this Bollywood.

Oh, and here is the whole thing for free on YouTube. CLICK ON THIS

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