Monday, April 1, 2013


These Something Weird Triple Features are such a blast. You have no idea what you are in for. That being said, let's dive right in!


Small town girl, Judy Collins knows that she doesn't want to go straight from home to life cooking and cleaning for her beau, Johnny. She wants a taste of the big city so, without a word, she packs a suitcase and heads on out to New Orleans.
Unfortunately, Judy is not very good at this and twists her ankle. along comes a night in shining armor in the form of a sleazebag with a car. He offers to give Judy a lift to the big city and the minute she nods off he puts the violent moves on her.
She bashes his head in with a rock and takes off in his car. Now she's in the city and has the specter of murder looming over her pretty head. Her job slinging hash gets her no where fast and the job at the lingerie store quickly reveals itself to be a front for a prostitute house. After she gets raped, of course.
Then she finds her calling at a dance hall, but Johnny is searching for her.
GIRL IN TROUBLE starts with our title girl being hauled off to the hospital from an overdose. It is there the voice over starts and we get the story of Judy Collins. It was a nice twist for the big city NOT being New York for a change.
It's a snapshot of a New Orleans that doesn't exist anymore. These films play more as exploitative time capsules than anything else. With a low budget you use reality as your set dressing and this is no exception. I was amazed to discover that Tammy Clarke, who plays Judy never did anything else. She is so pretty in this movie. Some of her hair style choices leave a lot to be desired, but figure and face wise, she is extremely attractive.
Director Brandon Chase is probably more well known for his producing skills, giving us the epic Sword and the Sorcerer (1982). But this is an adequate little pot boiler. A little stingy with the nudity, but it still does what it is supposed to do. Scare the crap out of young girls who try to leave their man back at the farm. Although this one might have the most upbeat ending of this particular sub genre.


John Cabot's (Vincent Van Lynne) plane is having a time of getting back to The Big Apple. His private jet sets down in Las Vegas where, at the same time, young Susan (Susan Evans) has finally broken the chain of foster home to foster home and has a little money in her pocket and ready to make her way as a big girl in Sin City. John is happy with Vegas. Even his room has it's own swimming pool. He calls his wife to get her to come out to the desert, but she complains that she has her gardening club to attend to.
It isn't long before John and Susan meet over her winning at slots and the electricity flies through the air. She thinks he is really 'groovy' and soon they fall into bed together. When she tells him that her eighteenth birthday is next week he offers to get her a present. Apparently seventeen is legal in Vegas. Soon they hit the night life and have different ideas of what is a good time. He wants a nice restaurant, she wants a hot dog. He wants to catch a show, she wants to catch a STD at an orgy. He leaves her to her own devices and when they realize this will never work, he heads back to The Big Apple to run his financial empire while she trolls the main drag of Vegas for older men...for now.
Susan has that page boy hair cut and button nose that, coupled with a nice figure makes for pretty cute stuff. It's a Barry Mahon flick so you get a lot of naked women dancing for no other reason than, well their naked. He even uses a jiggling butt to signal that the picture has come to an end. That would work for a nudie cutie from this time period, but this picture ends on a much heavier note. John basically leaves Susan with a few bucks and the hotel room and is on his merry way. When we see Susan last she is climbing into a fancy car with an older gentleman.
This movie has some classic Vegas done on the cheap. A skyline that hasn't existed for decades unfolds before our eyes and it is fascinating to watch. Like a lot of Mahon movies there are scenes that go on forever. The one of a couple using one of those electric vibrators that ends in something resembling a suction cup goes on for what seems eternity. There are close up scenes where we know we are looking at patches of skin from a smooth woman's body and an overly hairy man's body. What parts? Beats me! It was too close.      
Better than GIRL IN TROUBLE in it's believable story, but looks terrible in comparison.


Chronologically smack dab in the middle and looking like it came from the forties is our final feature of the threesome. The other two had some over dubbing occur in the mix, but nothing like this baby. Sally Downs (Misty Ayers) is fresh in town. What town? Not sure. Anytown USA according to the voice over. It seems Sally was supposed to meet a friend and see if city life was made for her. He friend bailed so, Sally was on her own.
She quickly found a job at a diner and then got a gig doing modeling. Did I say modeling? I meant lured out to suburbia to a house that was a front for a whorehouse where she got beat and drugged and forced to service clients.
Then she met a young man and it was love at first sight. He vowed to get her out no matter what the cost.
The dubbing in this would give Doris Wishman a headache. When there are two people talking we get a shot of the person not talking while the other person is a voiceover. And back and forth it goes with no one's mouth moving. To call it surreal would be an understatement.
The lead girl, Misty Ayers is very pretty, but after whatching her dress and undress, preening for the camera we get bored pretty quick. Also, no nudity. I hear you screaming out there, but it's true. Not a frame of any female pulchritude to be seen anywhere. I question the release date of the movie. It comes across as if they all knew they were making a silent film. There is over exaggerated movements, wild hysterics in front of the camera and that infernal dubbing I mentioned.
For you trivia freaks out there I want you to know that the director is none other than Sid Melton. For those of you asking, 'who?' I direct you to the classic TV comedy Green Acres. Remember the Monroe Brothers? He was the actual brother as we all know that his other brother, Ralph was actually a girl. Melton made two flicks 35 years apart. His other effort ...And Call Me In The Morning with Frank Sinatra Jr. I have yet to see.
This one was a surreal doozy and the entire disc would make for one great party DVD.
For extras there are audio ads for exploitation films while we are regaled with a gallery of old, sordid movie magazines.
There are trailers for Bad Girls Don't Cry (A completely different movie than Bad Girls Do Cry), Bad Girls Go To Hell, Prowl Girls and The Diary of Knockers McCalla (Yeah, you know I'm watching this one)
Finally we wrap up with a short that shows us what Bad Girl star Misty Ayers does in her non movie making time. A wonderful, erotic striptease that shows off more than she shows in the movie.
This was a stuffed to the gills bad girl extravaganza and worth every cent.

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