THE END OF LBP Part 3: WHAT LBP MEANS TO ME.

The computer snafus with video are still present so, I decided to write this column instead. For some of you, it will be a rehash, of sorts. For others. Nothing but newness. Get it! Okay!
My first encounter with LBP was a movie sent to me for review entitled MULVA:ZOMBIE ASS KICKER. It came with a second feature entitled FILTHY MCNASTY. The cover has the lovely Lilith Stabs holding the biggest damned gun I have ever seen.
What can I say? I was hooked.
Then I watched the movie.
Who the Hell was this troglodyte calling herself Mulva? Where was the hottie? Why did it look like it was shot in my back yard? All these questions kind of left me in a state to not appreciate the movie at all. I wrote it off and watched the second one.

FILTHY MCNASTY explained it to me. It told me of a young lad named Chris Seaver who took all that was good in the world from like minded individuals like Kevin Smith and John Waters and added an insane riff that can only be explained as being Seaver like. With this knowledge I went back to Mulva ready to give it another chance.
Liked it? I loved it? To turn a Seaver phrase.
I think the next thing I saw was CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER.
Oh my glorious God I was hooked.
I started watching whatever I could get my hands on. All I needed to know was that Seaver was making it and it would be good.
I laughed to the antics of TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP, SKI WOLF, all the Heather and Puggly movies. I developed a crush on Meredith Host that any red blooded nerd lover couldn't help getting. I mean come on! Red head, smart, funny and a seriously foul mouth? What's not to love?
I had the fortune of going to Genghis Con 2:The Wrath of Con where I met Chris and his cohorts for the first time. Meredith was there. Casey Bowker. Mr and Mrs. Maestro. It was awesome.
It was there that I explained to Chris that my youngest, Dan The Man, was his biggest fan. Chris was shocked that Dan was even allowed to watch his movies, but he took my cell phone and called Dan and, in his best Bonejack voice, talked to my son.
Yeah, because film makers do that all the time, right? Yeah, I didn't think so.
There is actually a line in TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP that I won't mention here, that makes me laugh for about twenty minutes everytime I hear it. I won't go into it here, but trust me, it's very funny.
Over the years I have seen Chris at Cinema Wasteland and he's just one of the guys. I got to hang in his room with the magnificent Travis Indovina and Heather Maxon and watch DEATHBONE for the first time. Watching a director's work in his hotel room? This is epic. The guys and I hung out, there was a photo op and all was great with the world. I also managed to score some discs I didn't have.
When we went to the end of LBP bash recently I realized that I hadn't watched an LBP movie in a while. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Everytime I watch one I laugh. Even the one that doesn't do a lot for me, FILM CREW, has earned my respect and I put it in proper rotation. 
Chris Seaver gives us some smart and witty comedy that has no qualms about heading right for the short and curlies. He uses the same actors and we love him for it. He has a weird continuity ion his LBPverse that works in its own wonky way.
So, why had I stopped watching them?
No idea, but I rectified that problem by starting again. In the past week I think I've rewatched about five of them and have no intention of slowing down. Why should I? They are fun, well written and have people I have seen more than some of my relatives...ever.
Now, hopefully the issues with the computer will soon be resolved. Soon GEEK WAR will get the release it so rightly deserves and I will continue going on with my life properly spiced with that we know as Low Bugdet Pictures.
I leave you with this;



Sends shivers down your spine doesn't it.

THE END OF LBP Part 2

Okay, you heard about the big fun at the Palace, but what about the flicks? Needless to say, LBP did not disappoint in this area. Like they could.

Right out of the gate we got the latest in the Filthy McNasty saga: BEYOND MCNASTY. in this the final chapter of the saga we have Prudence AKA Mrs. Sex Ed and she feels mousy and unloved. Using a witchcraft for dummies book, she becomes a sex goddess and summons Shkima demons Dartagnan and Gillyweed. (My apologies if these are not spelled correctly) In trade for her good looks she must have a party where the demons can slaughter everyone. A ragtag band of kids go off in search of the one man who can save them. Who is it? Watch the damned movie already!
Because LBP has dissolved this will most likely be the last of Filthy McNasty. Seaver pulled out all the punches with this one. The Shkima demons and their extra long schlongs penetrate anything and everything in their attack on the kids of Bonejack High. The usal amount of blood, gore, shit and other bodily fluids explode on the screen.
This is one of my favorite of the Filthy McNasty saga and the crowd loved it.

TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP combines the fun of camp movies and flicks where people get hunted down. Teenape is invited to camp by Heather Baggliadocci and since he owes her a favor, he agrees. Plus there promises to be tons of barely legal poontang for the sex crazed monkey to get all wild on.
But, is it as simple as just training kids to be camp counselors? And why is Choach there? What foul plan does Heather have up her red headed sleeve?
Again, buy the damned movie already?
TEENAPE GOES TO CAMP is probably one of my favorite, laugh out loud of the LBP pantheon. There is a scene at the beginning where Teenape is doing roll call and he just stops and says that these kids are hideous like the goblins of Mordor. The delivery of the line always makes me laugh and I miss ten minutes of the flick. This time was no exception and Seaver has some of his best camerawork in this flick.

GEEK WAR tells the tale of Max Havoc and Papillion St. Croix and the object of their desire. At Deathbone's comic store there is an unmarked VHS tape priced at 1500 dollars. In 25 years, Deathbone has never sold that tape. Now comes the day when both Max and Papillion arrive with the scratch to buy the tape.
One problem.
A hot nerd chick by the name of Tangerine has already bought the tape and she has no intention to sell. Both geeks hit upon the scheme to woo Tangerine and wrest the tape from her clutches. Papillion tries first, but his idea of a good time is having Tangerine watch while Papillion and his two bitches for hire, Slut and Spammy do obscene things. Tangerine has had better dates.
MAx is next up to bat, but you have to watch it when you go into a fake love relationship. Sometimes real love shows up and then even a fifteen hundred dollar tape doesn't seem all that important.
GEEK WAR is the movie that should make Chris Seaver famous. It's smart, funny and has a lot of heart. Billy Gaberina is always funny as Deathbone as is Jesse Ames as Marge. Shawn C. Phillips, who is also in Filthy McNasty 4 is hilarious. Especially when he threatens a little kid in the store played by River, Chris Seaver's son. Meredith Host is great as always and Heather Maxon is smoking hot as Slut. She does a little dance number in the flick that is, well pretty damned hot. And Josh Suire as Papillion is a real treat. OF course the prize goes to Kurt Indovina. His role as Max Havoc is priceless. The uber nerd with the heart of gold, Kurt rattles off enough geek knowledge to make him the poster boy for geeks worldwide. It is funny watching him try to have a scene with Raine Brown who plays Tangerine. Raine is just under five feet tall while Kurt is well over six. It adds to the comedy of the scenes that they share together and makes it that much better a film.
GEEK WAR is the one. This is the flick that I feel that LBP has always been building to. Sure, it might be less raunchy than a lot of their product, but it is pure LBP.

Finally we have the film that no one will ever see. At least if Chris Seaver has anything to say about it. A job for Troma became what Seaver called, 'the worst shoot in his life'. I am referring to, TEENAPE VS THE MONSTER NAZI APOCALYPSE. It begins in WW II Germany and the PIA led by Bonejack are after Hitler. While they complete their objective they discover an experiment that they take back with them to the states. A creature known only as Teenape.
Training Teenape, Bonejack discovers that in the present day that Hitler is back and has a legion of monsters ready to do his bidding.
Bnejack fights fire with fire and recruits Thunder, Heather and Choach along with Teenape for one final battle with the madman from Germany.
But at what cost?
Seaver made sure to include as many LBP characters as he could in this film. You can tell that he was making a love letter for the fans.
Then the film was taken away from him and only by the most remarkable of circumstances were we able to view the film at all. It's fun to watch, but that elusive behavior that is truly LBP is missing and it hurts the film in the end.
It was cool of Mr. Seaver to let his true fans watch this flick, but I could see where he was coming from.

Now for some business.

LBP is having a final sale. 23 flicks and a signed poster for 130 bucks. Head on over here; http://www.lowbudgetpictures.net/merch.html for more info.

And someone needs to release GEEK WAR. To not do so would be foolish. You hear me foolish!

I miss LBP already.

Next; the video of the event.

THE END OF LBP!!! Part One

LBP or Low Budget Pictures to the uniformed, is the brainchild of one Chris Seaver. Chris started making movies in 1991 and now, twenty years later, he has called it quits.
Well, sort of.
To celebrate LBP's demise, Chris held a thing at The Palace Theater in Syracuse, NY.
I knew we had to go.
Martha and I packed the kids in the van and made a run for the border.
Actually, a couple of borders.
Twelve hours later we arrived to a hotel with a shitty desk clerk and collapsed. We needed our rest because, the next night we would feast on LBP movies both young and old and one that may never see the light of day.
Intriguing, isn't it?
The films will all be reviewed in part two of this article. This is more concerned with what happened at the theater.
Luckily, I had the foresight to grab a grey t shirt and some sharpies. My plan was to have all the LBP cast members sign my shirt.
I did manage to get all that attended so, that was a good plan.
My four children loved the theater and all the LBPers were glad to see them.
Delia was so glad to see Kurt Indovina that she squealed like a little girl. I was glad to see the following;

Chris Seaver
Casey Bowker
Meredith Host
Jesse Ames
Kurt Indovina
Travis Indovina
Shawn Green
AJ Stabone
Heather Maxon
Andrew Baltes

They did two Q&A sessions and it was touching to see these people talk about the time they spent making these movies. Mike Watt and his lovely wife Amy Lynn Best were in attendance as were a few others. I had hoped for a bigger showing, but inclement weather stopped a few I think.

All in all it was a fun time had by all. Dan The Man finally got to meet Chris Seaver and we took a ton of pictures that I will have you enjoy now;


                                        

Part Two will give you reviews of four LBP flicks that shall not be named until next time.

SEEYA!

THE RONDO AWARDS!!

I vote in these things every year. This year I decided to post my ballot, for good or bad, on the site. Be sure to go and vote!

1. BEST MOVIE OF 2010 (Pick one)


-- THE WOLFMAN

2. BEST TELEVISION PRESENTATION

-- WALKING DEAD, 'Days Gone Bye,' AMC, 10.31.10. Opening episode finds zombies deep in Atlanta. 'Hey, you in the tank. Cozy in there?'

3. BEST CLASSIC DVD

-- VAMPIRE CIRCUS (1972)

4. BEST CLASSIC DVD COLLECTION

-- FANTOMAS: THE COMPLETE SAGA (Kino) Five-film set of silent serials from 1913-14.

5. BEST RESTORATION

-- THE GREEN SLIME: Warner Archives features longer American version.

6. BEST COMMENTARY

-- Ray Harryhausen, Tony Dalton, JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS

7. BEST DVD EXTRA

-- MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 Vol. XVIII: 'No Dialogue Necessary,' the making of The Beast of Yucca Flats, a half-hour featurette.

8. BEST INDEPENDENT FILM OR DOCUMENTARY (Click on video links to see clip or trailer)

-- EVAN STRAW, directed by Michael Legge. Cast of this tale of the paranormal includes Danielle Gelherter.

9. BEST SHORT FILM (Click on video links to see the film, a clip or trailer)

-- DREADFUL HALLOWGREEN SPECIAL, directed by Cameron McCasland and Rebecca Paiva. Featuring Dr. Gangrene, Penny Dreadful and Count Gore DeVol.

10. BOOK OF THE YEAR

-- INGRID PITT: Queen of Horror, the Complete Career, by Robert Michael 'Bobb' Cotter (McFarland, hardcover, 230 pages, $45).

11. BEST MAGAZINE OF 2010

-- Filmfax

12. BEST ARTICLE (Please choose two; one will win)

-- 'The (Almost) Forgotten Films of Richard Gordon: Space Monsters, Haunted Stranglers, Fiends Without Faces and More,' by Richard Gordon. FILMFAX #125. Autobiographical look back at his output in the 1950s.

-- 'Jess Franco's Declaration of Principles: How to Read the Early Films 1959-67,' by Tim Lucas. VIDEO WATCHDOG #157. A revised look at both a filmmaker and the cinematic waves he anticipated.

13. BEST INTERVIEW

-- Bert I. Gordon: 'Eye Caramba: The Cyclops Arrives on DVD,' by Tom Weaver. SCREEM #21. All about the see-through one-eyed monster.

14. BEST MAGAZINE COVER

15. BEST WEBSITE

-- Count Gore de Vol's Creature Features Films, interviews and horror host news updated weekly.

16. BEST BLOG OF 2010

-- Or write in another choice: TOMB IT MAY CONCERN by David Zuzelo

17. BEST CONVENTION OF 2010

-- Cinema Wasteland (Cleveland)

18. BEST FAN EVENT OF 2010

-- It's Bob on the phone! Dr. Gangrene uses cellphone to bring the voices of ailing Bob Burns (and Kathy), to the crowd at Wonderfest.


19. FAVORITE HORROR HOST OF 2010


-- THE GHOUL (Ohio)

20. BEST HORROR COMIC

-- BELA LUGOSI'S TALES FROM THE GRAVE (Monsterverse). Colorful and clever anthology features Bela as a very sinister host..

21. BEST HORROR AUDIO

-- B-MOVIE CAST Talk and horror history in this podcast.

22. BEST SOUNDTRACK OR HORROR CD

-- EARTH VS. THE SPIDER (Kritzerland). Albert Glasser's taut soundtrack still chills.

23. BEST TOY, MODEL OR COLLECTIBLE

WRITE-IN CATEGORIES

24. CLASSIC MOST IN NEED OF RESTORATION

INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN

25. WRITER OF THE YEAR (for 2010)

DAVID ZUZELO

26. ARTIST OF THE YEAR (Pro)

LARS DESOUZA

27. ARTIST OF THE YEAR (Fan)

STEW MILLER

28. DVD REVIEWER OF THE YEAR

Which reviewer in print or online did the best work in 2010? David Zuzelo

29. 'MONSTER KID' OF THE YEAR

Michael Legge

30. MONSTER KID HALL OF FAME

And finally, help us again: Who do you think should be this year's inductees into the Monster Kid Hall of Fame?

ALREADY INDUCTED ARE: Bob and Kathy Burns, Forrest J Ackerman and James Warren, Zacherley and Vampira, Ray Harryhausen, Ray Bradbury, Alex and Richard Gordon, William K. Everson, Rick Baker, Basil Gogos, Roger Corman, Dick Klemensen, Gary and Sue Svehla, James Bama and Bobby 'Boris' Pickett, Paul and Jackie Blaisdell, Joe Dante, Don Glut, Jack Davis, German Robles and Frank Frazetta; Bernie Wrightson, Ben Chapman, Cortlandt Hull and Dennis Vincent, Ed 'Big Daddy' Roth, Archie Goodwin and Ghoulardi.Ken Kelly, Jim and Marion Clatterbaugh, Bob Wilkins, Calvin Beck, Paul Naschy, Lux Interior, Bob Lemon and Ray Meyers, Bill Warren, Dennis Druktenis, Sammy Terry, Eliot Brodsky and Frederick S. Clarke. Who should join them?

COUNT GORE DEVOL

Goodbye Varla.

The first time I saw Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! i was totally transfixed by the woman in jet black. Poured into her clothes and threatening to spill out at any moment, VArla was a no nonsense woman who lived life on the edge.
At that moment I knew that I would always love this movie. Tura Satana took that part and made it her own. No one will ever match this woman.
Ever.
Now, at the age of 76, Tura Satana has left this mortal coil to go on into eternity.
She will be missed as all larger than life figures are missed when they leave us here on Earth.
Goodbye, Tura.