HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Have a safe and Happy Halloween from your friends here at Divine Exploitation.

FOUR FROM SEVERIN FILMS!

These are four releases that a lot of us have been waiting a while for. And now they are here and let me tell you, it was worth the wait.
First up we have a Jess Franco two-fer, and what a two-fer it is! BLOODY MOON is Jess Franco’s take on the slasher flick and while it has been out there in one form or another over the years, it has never looked this good!
There’s a killer on the loose in Europe’s International Youth Club Boarding School of Languages and the blood is gonna fly as only Franco can do it. Of course there is that, but Jess manages to fuse a little incest, some voyeurism and roller disco into this depraved and weird storyline.
This is the best that this flick has ever looked and coupled with a great featurette with the master director himself and you have what is a perfect release.
After showing all the slasher wannabees how it’s done, Jess set his sites on the huge flow of 80’s cannibal flicks with DEVIL HUNTER. Sure, you’ve seen cannibal movies before, but when’s the last time you saw a huge, mountain of a man with bizarre ping pong ball eyes running around in his birthday suit gnawing on some nubile flesh? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Anytime Jess makes his way into the jungle, the ride is always weird, wild and woolly. DEVIL HUNTER is no exception. And, as is the norm for Severin Films, we get another informative featurette with Mister Franco.
Next up is a sick giallo IN THE FOLDS OF THE FLESH. For those of you familiar with the giallo genre, this is a crazy ride into depravity. This baby is packed with decapitations, pet vultures, cyanide baths, swirly psychedelics and, to make sure that you’re paying attention, Nazi death camp flashbacks. While this sick little film is lacking in extras except for a trailer, but the movie is bizarre enough to stand alone without any of the yummy extras that we come to expect from Severin.
This time I did save the best for last. And the best is STONE. Heard of it? No matter, you will. Our brothers from down under have given us this classic biker flick where a gang called Grave Diggers is infiltrated by an undercover cop. What follows is an adrenaline fueled, one way, full throttle trip to Hell. This is the biker flick that will put all other biker flicks to shame. And if that wasn’t enough this baby comes with an extra disc with the classic documentary STONE Forever that chronicles the making of this seminal film. The documentary is almost better than the film that it’s based on. This set offers hours of biker filled fun that you are going to want to be sure to catch.
Severin Films shows with these releases why they are the definitive DVD company in the world for the true fan of good cinema.
May they last forever.
(NOTE: Since I'm an idiot I completely forgot a link to Severin's site so you can lay down some long green for these four masterpieces. Go HERE. You'll be glad you did.)

EUROTRASH CINEMA NEEDS YOUR HELP!!

Any true fan of Eurotrash Cinema knows the name Craig Ledbetter. He's the guy who has that dupe off of some Italian television channel when you need to see FANTABULOUS, INC. or that Spanish dub with no subtitles of THE SHADOW OF JUDO VS. DOCTOR WONG that you order even though you don't speak Spanish, but need to watch it because you're a Franco nut.
Anyway, the recent hurricane activity has struck a mortal blow to all things Eurotrash. See Craig runs Eurotrash Cinema and the recent hurricane destroyed his beloved vault of VHS tapes. His family is fine and Craig suffered a broken arm and they were without power for two weeks.
The disaster relief in this country is horrid and really needs a rethinking.
But until then we all need to do our part for the king of all that is true Eurotrash.
Go to his site Don't buy anything, well you can if you want he has some great stuff, but it's not necessary.
At the bottom of his page is his email address. Use your powers of PayPal and donate to help Craig and his family in this terrible time.
Have a truly exploitative day and remember to give til it hurts, or at least stings a little.
Go HERE!

THE WEIRD WORLD OF FLAN!

I have been doing this comic and wanted to show off the spiffy new link in the sidebar to my comic. I will be posting five days a week, or more if I feel so inclined.
STAY TWISTED!

REMAKES, BAH!

Apparently there are some classic films heading our way to remake land. Here's the news tidbit with the horrible news;

The remake properties are the Jacques Tourneur-directed “I Walked With a Zombie” (1943); the Robert Wise-directed Bela Lugosi-Boris Karloff starrer “The Body Snatcher” (1945); the Mark Robson-directed Karloff starrer “Bedlam” (1946); and the John Farrow-directed Lucille Ball-John Carradine starrer “Five Came Back” (1939).

No way! They will never be able to capture the looking or mood of any of these films. There is no one in Karloff or Lugosi's league to make these work. And that last one? I remember the ending where the guy lies that there are two bullets left and he offs the girl and then the natives come and drag him off into the jungle to do God knows what to him. I saw that when I was a kid and it scared the bejezus out of me. This is a terrible idea and the best way to nip it in the bud is to vote with your cash. Don't go see any of these things when they come out and they will be coming out, you can bet stupid, Hollywood money on it.
Tell you what, Hollywood, give me one million dollars and I'll make something that will put the butts in the seats. You won't have seen this much cash since that horrid Blair Witch Project. Only this one will be good.
That's the challenge, Hollywood. I can be contacted at this website.
The rest of you have an excellent day.

CRAWLSPACE EVICTION

So, Friday night is usually Beer Friday at The Waltz Compound, but people had stuff to do. I invited a few people to go with Martha and I to see Crawlspace Eviction, an improv troupe here in the wilds of Kalamazoo. Led by the amazing couple Dann and Tara Sytsma, Crawlspace Eviction is two hours of various forms of comedy. This time with a political event in a show called My Country Tis of Wii. Unfortunately, no one nibbled on the invite except for my oldest, Seann. So, the three of us made our way there and it was, as always, a fun time where I laughed very loud often. It's hard to single out the one thing that was funnier than the rest. Martha would say it was the routine they do when they interview a member of the audience, in this case a young nanny named Molly, and then recreate her day as a nightmare. Molly had to be the worst nanny ever and it was killing Martha. When funny man Adam Carter pretended to be a big joint while she was watching Star Trek Voyager, the whole house roared with laughter. My favorite piece would have been the beginning of the second half of the show which is their long form. It was Dann and Tara pretending to sell toys at some sort of expo. It was more sweet than funny and I really liked that.
All in all it was a great night and I wanted to stay for the play afterward, but we had children to pick up at football games so, I had to miss out. Bummer.
If you live in the surrounding area you need to check out one of these shows. Go to their site here for more information. You will not be sorry you went.

ISSUE #13 OF SIRENS OF CINEMA ALMOST HERE!!!

Hey everybody! One of the better magazines on the rack today and here's what to expect straight from the horse's mouth, Mike Watt:

We’re profiling the action movie BITCH SLAP, the indie horror movies DEMON DIVAS and SICK GIRL, Bai Ling, stunt women Alina Andrei, Zoe Bell (mentioned in conjunction with Sick Girl) and Jasi Cotton Lanier, and features a tribute to the late DAVE STEVENS (who provided the cover). There is also a three-page retrospective featuring new art by Robin Evans, Liza Biggers, JimmyO Burril and Holly Golightly.

Buy three they make a great Christmas gift.

DOUBLE FEATURE AT THE WALTZ COMPOUND

Netflix gave us what may be the perfect double header of cheese this weekend. I am, of course speaking of the two new releases, JACK BROOKS, MONSTER SLAYER and OVER SEXED RUGSUCKERS FROM MARS. Yeah, you read that last one right. Let's hit them individually, shall we.



JACK BROOKS is a good old fashioned monster movie. No CGI, all practical effects which are amazing. And, as long as you embrace this as the first in a series, this makes for a fine origin story.
You see, Jack's entire family was slaughtered right in front of his eyes by this monster in the woods. Jack managed to escape, but no one else did. Now, in his twenties, Jack is a plumber by day and a man forced into night school by his annoying girlfriend at...well, night.
jack's taking a science class being taught by the one and only Robert Englund sans Freddy makeup. Seems that Robert has bought the old place out on Watson Rd. and there's a demon heart buried in the back yard so, it won't take long before Jack is facing off on against an ancient Chinese Demon with plans for world domination.
Did I mention that Jack has anger management issues? well, he does and now he has found the perfect place to channel them. Killing monsters.
This is a very good film with an excellent concept. No CGI makes it refreshing in a sea of shitty CGI monsters. Plus, it actually uses the old standby of story and plot that eventually lead to the huge conflict at the end. It's not all BANG! BANG! KILL! KILL! like a lot of films today.
They could make a ton of these and if they keep this standard up, I would watch every one of them. Jack Brooks is the new Ash in the land of monster slayers.
Then we have the other movie.



With a title like that how could they go wrong? The answer is, they couldn't. when Martians come to Earth and find that the human experiment has failed, they decide to give life to a nearby vacuum cleaner. Unfortunately, their entire decision is made from a homeless bum who accidentally drinks alien piss which transforms him into this horny old bugger that has wild sex with the vacuum cleaner.
Sounds like a crazy plot doesn't it? Well, it's the tip of the iceberg in this convoluted tale of aliens, vacuums and gay sex. Oh, I didn't mention that the vacuum was a boy? This is still just a small part of this epic tale shot on a super 8mm budget.
Watch it once and then get ready to watch it again as you hear what may be one of the most fascinating commentaries on the trials and tribulations of no budget film making ever.
While Dandelion is the only one who watched RUGSUCKERS with me, the entire Waltz Clan watched Jack Brooks and we laughed and screamed and jumped and had a blast.
The double feature at The Waltz Compound was a rousing success and we will have many more scary movies to finish out the month with.
On a sidenote, the RUGSUCKERS flick had a preview for DOLEMITE and now Dandelion wants to watch that. I can hardly wait.

ROOMMATING

I don't watch a lot of web television, but the other day I was watching this thing by James Gunn called PG PORN. Later, when I wanted to watch it again I went to Spike TV. That was when I found this show. ROOMMATING. This little five minute plkus shows are amazingly funny! Joel and Erin have this great rapport and it's much dirtier than anything that you can find on network television. And, no you perverts it's not a bunch of boobies and whatnot. It's just classic funny.
Now stand back while I try to imbed a video of their on this thing. Man I hope this works.

Oh and go to ROOMMATING to check out all their other stuff.



Sniff! My first you tube clip. I'm so proud.

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO: A Special Review Of Movies I Haven't Seen

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO comes out on October 31st. Since it is October 11th there is no way that a schlub like me could have seen this thing.
Will that stop me from reviewing the flick? Nope.
Ready, here goes.
First our synopsis;
Zack and Miri have been best friends forever. They are also dirt poor broke and the prospects don't look good. That's when they decide to make a porno to make some big bucks real fast. Now, the smart way to do that would do some down and dirty amateur stuff, post a little taste of it on the web and then start charging the rubes to see it in all it's glory. Amateur porn sells big time.
But, this is a Kevin Smith flick so we get a porn with a plot called STAR WHORES, a spoof of STAR WARS, in case you needed to know that. I myself love porn with a cheesy plot, but I also realize that Joe Sixpack isn't going to come up with something like this. They're gonna do that amateur nonsense I mentioned before. This is where suspension of disbelief comes in.
Can I do that for this flick? Sure! I'll give it a shot. What the heck.
Why would you release this thing on a weekend that is usually reserved for the ghouls and goblins kind of stuff? Beats the Hell out of me. Sounds as smart as releasing GRINDHOUSE on Easter weekend. Oh, crap! They did do that didn't they?
So, you have your built in Kevin Smith audience, couple with the built in Seth Rogen audience. Admittedly the Rogen audience is much larger so this flick could make some huge bank.
Now, here's my problem.
In the past Mr. Smith has involved us, the fans, in the entire creative process. This is a good idea for a series of films with limited appeal. It gets the word out there and he comes across as a warm kind of guy and after a time period we feel we know this guy well enough that we should shell out the dough to go see his flick at least once. And you want to do that pretty damned quick. I remember when Clerks 2 opened here in the wilds of Kalamazoo. It was here and gone in a flash. I ended up having to wait for DVD.
I, personally, have always liked this approach that Mr. Smith takes with his films.
Now we have this one.
His blog has become a barren wasteland of minimal hype. No big web blogs that take us through the process. We did get one lame ass excuse of a blog that said he was just curious to try things a different way this time.
Well, guess what, Mr. Smith? Tough! You have your fan base because of the way you do things. To change them at this late point in the game is a slap in our face. I do get what you're doing. Seth Rogen is the hot commodity guy and he will double your box office without having to do a damned thing.
And to have Traci Lords in a porn spoof just because she did porn is pretty lame as well. I do appreciate the fact that you put Katie Morgan in the flick. She'll bring a reality to the porn aspect of the film that you wouldn't get anywhere else.
Now, this has been a pretty harsh review of a film that I haven't even seen yet and, yes, I'll be seeing it. Not on October 31st, though. I got kids to take trick or treating or the little monsters will rip my kneecaps off.
But I got one last thing to say and this is for Kevin Smith.
Kevin, it's time to talk about that weight problem of yours. I watch the meager web episodes you threw us at the last minute and, my God man! You have swelled to epic proportions. Here's what I propose. You contact me here at this website and we will talk about what we are going to do about this problem of yours. I used to weigh in at 320 pounds. I'm currently at 240 and I did it on my own. This is something that you are going to want to take care of when you're young. Do it now before all the health problems take you out of the picture.
We like you in the picture. You're that foul mouthed uncle that shows up for everything.
In the end the movie is going to roll like this;
It will make big money. The mindless horde of Smith zombies will love it. The Kevin haters will hate it and in the end, the true fans of Kevin Smith will feel left out of the loop and a little hollow as well.
That's it for me. I'm out.

LONG OVERDUE UPDATE

I finally watched this a while back. First viewing; I stopped watching when the credits rolled. Hated it. Months later watched through the credits and got the ending I thought I deserved. A fun flick.  Better than Cop Out worse than Jersey Girl.

PG PORN

Apparently James Gunn has hit on the brilliant idea of fusing mainstream actors and porn stars in some funny shorts that are on the net. The first one is up and it is hilarious. Now here's your homework.
Go and find the damned thing. No, no link for you I want you to do the legwork all by yourself. Trust me you'll enjoy the journey. It's called PG PORN and it's out there, whispering your name. Can you hear it? Good, now leave!

MORE FROM THE FOX RIVER GANG

Last night was one of the slow episodes of Prison Break. This is not a bad thing. They need to take time and set things up for us. For those of you that haven't watche it yet. Spoiler Alert.
Apparently, Michael and Linc's mother died at a very young age from a brain tumor. How old was she? Let's just say that Michael's birthday is going to coincide with that tragic event. One more log on the fire that is Prison Break.
Teabag and Michael interacting is always a fun thing to watch. Teddy is definitely the man to hate when it comes to this show and he doesn't disappoint.
Half the gang goes to Vegas and Sucre finds himself in an uncomfortable position that turns into a very funny one.
All in all, I think this was a great episode and it keeps piling up the goodies. Why we have to wait two weeks for a new epsiode is beyond me, but what am I going to do? I don't run FOX so, that won't work.
Oh well.

A NEW BOOK!!

Divine Exploitation is trying something new. A theme issue. More of a one shot focusing on one, or in this case two, filmmakers. Ladies and gentlemen I give you...



In between working on my Michael Legge book I have found myself drawn again and again to the films of Mark and Teresa Baranowski. Enough so that I thought they deserved their own issue of Divine. Sure, I'm going to reprint old interviews with the couple, but there will be so much more in the issue. A wealth of information, if you will.
I am taking preorders on this special edition.
Anyone ordering now gets it for the low price of only five bucks. My PayPal address is dwaltzwriter@yahoo.com for those of you who can't wait. Anyone preordering the book before print will receive a four issue subscription to Divine Exploitation. What a bargain.
Stay tuned for more updates as I get closer to the finished product.

STATE OF THE BUSINESS ADDRESS

When I say business, I mean the movie business. Come on, isn't that really what matters here? My obsession with film is what drives this particular site. Usually, I like to discuss a more obscure type of film, but this time we are going to delve into the infamous top ten at the boxoffice list.
First, the list of what is top ten at the box office. My snide comments will follow.
EAGLE EYE
NIGHTS IN RODANTHE
LAKEVIEW TERRACE
FIREPROOF
BURN AFTER READING
IGOR
MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL
RIGHTEOUS KILL
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA
THE FAMILY THAT PREYS

Okay, watching the trailer for EAGLE EYE makes me think I'm watching a trailer for WANTED, but no Angelina Jolie in it. The whole, technology can make us do anything thing. Yeah, we get it. We get the concept. Technology is bad. Whatever you say, Unabomber.
NIGHTS IN RODANTHE is a chick flick and nothing else. I think I respect this straightforward honesty in the advertising campaign more than any other flick on the list. Diane Lane is still smoking hot and with Richard Gere hanging around the ladies will be happy to go and watch this flick.
LAKEVIEW TERRACE. A bi racial couple moves in next door to crooked cop Samuel Jackson. How do we know he's crooked? That house is way too expensive on a cop's salary. Now it's time for the black man to teach the white man about dipping into the wrong pool. My God, is that really the basic message to this flick? That's all I get from the advertising. It's Hollywood so I see Sam dead by the end of the flick.
FIREPROOF is a shining example that there is an untapped market for films based in Christainity. This is a little film made out side of the Hollywood machine and currently it's number four at the box office. Makes me wonder if Hollywood is paying attention.
BURN AFTER READING is the Coen Brothers having fun. After the atrocious NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN this looks like it will be a lot of fun. Nuff said.
IGOR gives us voice work from the likes of John Cusack and Eddie Izzard. Will this make it a good movie. Maybe. Do kids eat this stuff up? Yea, yes they do. Plus, the spooky aspect during the Fall season plays nicely into Halloween. If it were me I would have waited until a little closer to the holiday.
Let the last four be summed up like this. We get that Dane Cook is a one note actor, but so are a lot of one note actors and they make a fortune at it. DeNiro and Pacino as cops? Kind of a stretch, but okay. Spike Lee makes a war movie, sort of and I am not in the group of people that Tyler Perry is playing to.
This top ten is actually a pretty varied lot. I was a little surprised when I started this. A little bit of everything for everyone. From action film to romantic chick flick to a little Christian film making good. Kind of weird.
Oh well, there it is in a nutshell.