Thursday, January 12, 2012


The flick opens with some raucous rock and a couple of fellas making a meeting to swap some drugs for cash. Then someone comes along and blows them both away and makes off with the goods. Head guy Felix Hampouyin (Tony Porta)is none too happy with this state of affairs and orders the man he believes to be the rat crushed in a garbage truck.
One problem.
He squashed the wrong rat.
Felix ups the ante with a fake delivery of goods to flush out the stink in his organization and sends hitman professional Keith (Elliott Lindsey) to find out what is what and kill anyone he questions.

It seems that pretty boy Johnny Canto (Jon Klemmer) has decided that 50 grand a year ain't enough. His girlfriend agrees and tells him to hijack the cash on the next shipment.
Of course this is the swinging seventies, baby so, the girl is crooked and reports back to Paul (Director Robert E. Pearson) where the goods will be.
But Felix is not a stupid man. He and his buyer in Hawaii have a system. The bagman delivers the goods. The buyer gives the bagman a suitcase full of cash and an explosive device that will blow the money and anyone who forces the case open sky high. The buyer mails the proper key to Felix and all is safe.
For anyone who knows that the case is rigged which is only Felix, the buyer and Johnny, there is no problem.

But so many people are after this case.
GODCHILDREN a.k.a. THE HAWAIIAN SPLIT was an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of The Godfather. You can see by the poster above what they were trying to do with the advertising campaign.
I personally thought that the alternate title was a better one, but I'll bet the original title got more butts in the seats for the time it was released.
While the print I saw was gritty, scratchy and beat to Hell it still had a weird, almost documentary feel to it. The people who die in the flick die dirty and bloody and there are a lot of them.

Now, for the Ushci Digard fans out there who will watch this for only one reason. She's not in it a lot. There's a scene where Johnny hooks up with this oddball character by the name of Bobby Lee O'Toole (John F. Goff) who has two lovely ladies in tow, Lady Chatterley (Kathy Hilton) and Lady Godiva (Rene Bond). They all go back to Bobby's place for much naked frolicking and have so much fun that they have to contact Swedish Massage expert Lotta Cuze (Uschi Digard) to fix Rene Bond. Naturally there is much naked and rubbing of skin, but you're looking at about five minutes of film tops.
In the end what you get in freewheeling, convoluted exploitation film making of the highest caliber. Also, major props must go to Elliott Lindsey for his portrayal of hillbilly hitman Keith. He manages to come across as likable and lethal at the same time.

God Bless you Something Weird Video for making sure this exists for us weirdoes of today.

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