Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A New Paper Issue OF Divine Exploitation! (Sort of...)

Twenty years ago I went to Dearborn Michigan to attend Fangoria's Weekend OF Horrors. I met lots of famous people and had a great time, but there was one thing that ended up making more of an impact than anything else.
City Morgue #5
It was this raggedy little zine that I just knew I could do better than. It seemed so...I don't know, mean spirited. And I never thought of horror fans as being mean spirited. So, I decided to make my own zine. It was like Divine Intervention and thus was born Divine Exploitation!!!
The first issue was cut and paste as were many after that. I remembered doing a second issue that I could never locate.
Then along came a friend that I have had for over three decades. Christopher Young. It's also kind of fitting since he was along for the Dearborn/Fangoria ride. He had a copy of issue two!
Now I have made a special, digest sized edition of Divine Exploitation Issues 1 & 2 and it's available for order right now!
The cost is five bucks and that includes postage along with some extra goodies that I won't mention here and yes, that includes postage.
SEE! - The original cover drawn by my brother David!
SEE! - The actual, crappy xeroxed photos that you can barely see!
SEE! - Typesetting done by an idiot with no sense of design!

How can anyone turn this kind of thing down?
I accept PayPal at dwaltzwriter@yahoo.com if you don't have PayPal then email me at the same address and we'll work things out.
I also accept trades.
For your patronage here is a pretty girl to gawk at.



Stay Twisted!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Speak Of The Devil!

I mentioned in my Silent Night, Bloody Night post that I was waiting to hear from Alternative Cinema President, Michael Raso and who should email me today? That's right. He's going to send me a bunch of virtual goodies that I can post here for your enjoyment.
Mr. Raso is officially one cool dude.

Silent Night Bloody Night (1974)




Now, before people start wondering where the next installment of my Seduction Cinema piece is, I got ahold of Michael Raso and asked if they had some trailers for their earlier flicks that I could have. I'm waiting for a response before I continue. In the meantime, a review:
I first got this flick when I bought one of those 10 packs of horror movies. It sticks out in my mind because the box set said that it had Silent Night Deadly Night. You know, the one with the Santa Claus killer and Linnea Quigley? Anyway, it didn't it had this flick instead. I wrote and complained to the people who put out the box set and they sent me a new cover for my DVD case so that I would have the correct information. I thought that was pretty cool actually.
So, there was this flick. And, believe it or not, I have never seen it. Until two days ago. This is actually a very interesting flick. Now I will warn that there are SPOILERS ahead so be ready for that.
One other thing. There was a much better cover for the flick than the one I'm using here, but it was too small so, there you go.

Okay there is this small town with this huge mansion owned by the Butler family. It seems that old man Butler died by catching on fire and now the mansion is to be given to his grandson. Years pass and an attorney, John Carter (Played by Patrick O'Neal), has arrived in town to offer the mansion to the townspeople for the measly sum of fifty thousand dollars. If they can come up with it in 24 hours. He then takes his little girlfriend back to the mansion for a night of whooppee and they are murdered by a black gloved mystery man with an axe. This is probably the bloodiest scene in the film and well done for no actual special effects being used.
It isn't long before people are dropping like flies and the grandson, Jeffrey Butler comes to town and hooks up with the mayor's daughter, Diane (played by a very young Mary Woronov).

As things come to a head all is revealed in a lengthy flashback in sepia tone that is probably the most fascinating part of the film and probably one of the most interesting ideas I have ever come across.
Ready? Spoilers like I warned.
Wilfred Butler originally used his mansion as an asylum for his daughter. She had been raped and beaten and driven insane in the process. He invited all these psychiatrists to help cure his daughter and other criminally insane people that were housed on the grounds. After some time had passed, Wilfred Butler realized that these psychiatrists were useless and had no intentions of curing his daughter, let alone the many others housed in Butler House.
After a night of drunken revelry, Butler decided to rescue his daughter from their clutches and release all the inmates in the process.

The inmates slaughtered the doctors, killed Butler's daughter by mistake and fled the asylum.
The interesting thing is that all the inmates formed the town that surrounds the area near Butler House. The town is filled with the ancestors of the loonies that escaped all those years ago.
I did think it odd to have someone with such an identifiable voice like John Carradine in the picture and have him play a mute.
But, the best is saved for last.
Earlier in the flick, Patrick O'Neal is having dinner with his girlfriend in The Butler House. He reveals that The Butler House is built on a foundation of pure stone and is reinforced with the same stone, layers thick. He laughed when he thought about them selling the house and it getting torn down for tract housing. He said that when they drove a bulldozer up there to begin the demolition they would be in for a very nasty surprise.
Sure enough, the final shot is Mary Woronov walking down the path towards the house and behind her is a bulldozer.
Seems that The Butler House got the last laugh.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Legend Of Seduction Cinema


I remember watching my first Seduction Cinema flick. It was Erotic Survivor 2. I lost nothing by missing the first in the series and realized that I was watching something new and different. Many films followed and it wasn't long before I was enamored with the likes of Misty Mundae, Ruby LaRocca and Darian Caine. Hell, I had seen these three ladies naked more than some women I had dated many moons ago, While I have a special warm place for these films I realized that there is no definitive history of this studio. Pray for me as I start on an endeavor that will probably drive me mad.
Here's the idea;
I have made a timeline that lists all the films done by Seduction Cinema. The first in a series of articles will be a timeline of said films. If you think I am missing any, be sure to speak up. Thankfully, this is the magical interweb so I can fix stuff if need be.
With that said, here is the timeline.
More will follow I promise.



1996
CARESS OF THE VAMPIRE
CARESS OF THE VAMPIRE 2
CYBEROTICA



1998
GIRL EXPLORES GIRL
VAMPIRE'S SEDUCTION
POETIC SEDUCTION



1999
CRIMSON NIGHTS
EROTIC WITCH PROJECT
CANNIBAL DOCTOR
TITANIC 2000
VAMPIRE STRANGLER



2000
EROTIC WITCH PROJECT 2
HOT VAMPIRE NIGHTS
DINNER FOR TWO
MISTRESS FRANKENSTEIN
MISTY'S SECRET



2001
EROTIC GHOST
EROTIC RITES OF COUNTESS DRACULA
EROTIC SURVIVOR
EROTIC SURVIVOR 2
GLADIATOR EROTICUS
SEXY SIXTH SENSE
WITCHBABE; EROTIC WITCH PROJECT 3



2002
EROTIC MIRROR
EROTIC TIME MACHINE
EROTIC VAMPIRE IN PARIS
FLESH FOR OLIVIA
LUST IN THE MUMMY'S TOMB
MUMMY RAIDER
MY VAMPIRE LOVER
PLAYMATE OF THE APES
PLEASURES OF A WOMAN
ROXANNA
SATAN'S SCHOOL FOR LUST
SILK STOCKING STRANGLER
VAMPIRE OBSESSION
WHO WANTS TO BE AN EROTIC BILLIONAIRE?



2003
CARLITO'S ANGELS
DR. JEKYL AND MISTRESS HYDE
MUMMY'S KISS
GIRL SEDUCTION
LORD OF THE G-STRINGS
LUSTFUL ADDICTION
SEXY AMERICAN IDLE
SIN SISTERS
SPIDER BABE
THAT 70'S GIRL
VAMPIRE VIXENS



2004
EROTIC DIARY OF MISTY MUNDAE
LUST FOR DRACULA
SEDUCTION OF MISTY MUNDAE
SEXY ADVENTURES OF VAN HELSING
SUBURBAN SECRETS
TORTURE IN SATAN'S CLINIC
VOODOUN BLUES



2005
BIKINI GIRLS ON DINOSAUR PLANET
DEMON SEX
DEVIL'S BLOODY PLAYTHING
G-STRING VAMPIRE
MUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
GIRL WHO SHAGGED ME
LUST IN SPACE
NEW YORK WILDCATS
WICTHES OF BREASTWICK
WITCHES OF BREASTWICK 2
WITCHES OF SAPPHO SALON



2006
CURIOUS OBSESSIONS
EROTIC WEREWOLF IN LONDON
SSI: SEX SQUAD INVESTIGATION



2007
CHANTAL



2008
CLOAK AND SHAG HER
FORBIDDEN DESIRES
I WAS A TEEN AGE STRANGLER
IRON BABE
THE NAUGHTY NOVELIST
SECRET DESIRES



2009
BATBABE: THE DARK NIGHTIE
SUZIE HEARTLESS

And, for making it this far. A video;

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

FAREWELL PRISON BREAK


I was going to do a post on what a bitch Carrie Fisher is, but then I stayed up late watching the series finale of Prison Break.
Now, before I start to spew hatred, let me give a little background.
Four years ago I happened upon this series and watched it from episode one. It was smart, a constant cliffhanger and all of the characters, even the most despicable ones, were interesting to watch. Season one was a prison drama. Season two was a chase drama. Season three was back in prison and steeped in conspiracy. Season Four, the final one, was a Chinese puzzle box of intricacies.
Now for the obligatory SPOILER ALERT. Because, oh yes. There will be spoilers galore and I could care less.
For me and a lot of other viewers, Prison Break was about the loyalty of two brothers. Two brothers that had less than perfect lives with less than perfect parents. One was a troublemaker and the other had a hero complex. As long as at the end when all is said and done the two brothers made it out safely, then I was going to be happy with any conclusion to this series.
And it looked like I was going to get my wish.
Everyone made it out with full pardons. T-Bag went back to prison. The General was caught and convicted for his crimes. Michael and Sara were together and she was going to have his baby.
At that point it was time to fade to black and let a perfect series end on a perfect note.
The the screen flared to life and the words, 'Four Years Later' appeared. Some of that was good. We got to see Lincoln with his woman. Alex had a new love with an old friend. Sucre was with his daughter. And we saw Michale and Sara's little boy Michael.
...as they all gathered at Michael's grave.
WHAT THE HELL?????
What did this do?? I saw no reason to take the star of the series and kill him off with no regard to the viewers that have invested four years of their lives on this show. As I mentioned before, the series was about Michael and Lincoln. They were the heart of the program and what they did for each other was what made it work. Now to make some kind of morbid capper to the show they decide that the operation that cured Michael didn't take? Hello! The same operation that they performed on his mother that did take? The same operation that had the advantage of decades of additonal research and planning all of a sudden didn't take?
Why would the people who created this show insult the viewer like this? The rest of the series was smart and made sense. Sure, there were some stretches of the imagination to the entire thing, but it made sense in its world.
It does make me glad that I didn't buy the series box sets. I told myself that they would come out in one huge box set and I would wait for that. Well, thanks Fox for saving me a lot of money. The final scene of this television series has managed to corrupt and ruin the previous four years for me. This might go down in history as the worst ending to a series of all time.
What a waste.
I think I'll go back to watching wrestling. At least I know what to expect and as of what I saw at the tail end of RAW last night...Ric Flair will never die.
Thanks for being there for me, Ric. I wish I could say the same for what was my favorite show for four years.
Excuse me while I go simmer my hatred.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

MOTOR CITY COMIC CON 2009

Martha and I made our yearly journey to Novi to attend the Motor City Comic Convention. It was a lot of fun and since they say that a picture is worth a thousand words, I am going to let thse pictures speak for themselves.
Okay, a caption for each picture, but that's it. Tune in next week when I lambaste Carrie Fisher.

A trio of Batman villians


A roaming Star Wars monster


I am an action figure. Check out all the accessories I come with!


We called this guy Twinkie Spawn.


Stormtrooper and a big gun


The head of the Rancor.


A cool critter.


If you keep up with what I write, this is the yearly spotting of Captain Ree Ree. Martha is pretty sure that he was Twinkie Spawn as well.


Man, Poison Ivy must get cold.


Evildoers beware! Captain Ohio is here!


Where else are you going to see Mick Foley and Darth Vader together?


Coolest costume at the show.


Me and The Ghoul rocking the show!


A very nice homemade R2-D2


And we finish with a cute anime girl.

There ya go folks. Hope you enjoyed the pics.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESS FRANCO!



79 years young and one of the best film makers on the planet. Of course the idiots over at IMDB couldn't see their way into putting him in the little birthday post with the so called famous people. Sheesh!
Happy Birthday, Senor Franco and here is to many, many more.

MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS


Rarely do I cover flicks that I haven't seen yet. And even rarer is when something like this comes along and is so ludicrous that it is going to be fantastic. Check out the trailer;



Come on! Lorenzo Lamas and Debbie Gibson?!? How can this go wrong? This is one that everyone with a love of super cheesy movies needs to see. I know I will.

Monday, May 11, 2009

A Quick Post

Apparently I have been invited to something called Horror Blips. Not sure if this is a good thing, but we will soon find out. They say that I am number 107 in the ratings. Is that good? Beats me.
Have a good day peeps and donate if you can.
Seeya!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Plan 9 From Outer Space....IN COLOR!?!?!

Yup, I was at my local Big Lots this weekend after a severely disappointing Free Comic Book Day. They had a ton of 3 dollar DVDs available. Lots of crap, but this stood out and screamed at me:



How could I turn this down? Being a huge MST3K fan I knew that Mike Nelson is funny. Sure, not as funny as Joel Hodgson, but still pretty funny. Anyway, this disc is as loaded as Ed Wood Jr. was in his hey day! Besides the colorized version of the flick there is a B&W version as well. The commentary is Mike Nelson poking fun at the flick in true movie riffing style.
In addition to that there are some bizarre commericals that Wood shot. There is a section for Ed's home movies that seem a little bittersweet and not at all funny. A little sad really. There's even a trivia track, kind of like Pop Up Video, but less intrusive.
All in all this is an excellent package. Especially for three bucks! Everyone should make the trek to their nearest Big Lots to see what awaits them there. You won't be sorry!

Here's a trailer for the flick;

Friday, May 1, 2009

DEADLY PREY



I have this friend who co wrote a book called TOUGH TO KILL VOL.1:The Italian Action Explosion. You can buy that here. But be warned. It will cause a sickness. The kind that can only be satisfied by flicks like this one.
DEADLY PREY
See, there was this distribution company called Action International Pictures a few moons back and they did what they do best. Cheesy, low budget action flicks. They had a director named David Prior and his brother Ted was an action star. Blonde, muscled and all the dramatic delivery of Dolph Lundgren without the accent. In other words, perfect.

In DEADLY PREY we have a group of mercenaries who kidnap people off the street to practice hunting and killing. This goes well for them until they kidnap Danton. An ex marine who has been trained by the head of the mercenaries. Clad in a glorified pair of Daisy Dukes, Danton manages to decimate the mercenaries with his superior training.

This is high concept stuff here people!
Forget your Steven Segals and your Jean Claude Van Dammes. Ted Prior is the classic action star and this movie delivers in spades. Action, blood, explosions...you get everything an action movie was meant to be on the budget of a new automobile.
Anyone looking to further their education needs to get a hold of David Zuzelo's book and be sure to start their journey with Action International Pictures and watch DEADLY PREY.

Here's a trailer to whet your whistle.
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