Wednesday, February 4, 2009

MY BLOODY VALENTINE IN 3D (2009)




SPOILERS LURKING AHEAD!


I want to take a moment to reiterate that there are spoilers aplenty in this review. Why? well, I read the first set of reviews of the flick and they all said the same thing; the 3D is cool, but there's this one, insulting moment in the film. Insulting to us, the viewers. I really want to address that.
First up, the flick. And, yes, I will be drawing comparisons to the original. Seems that there was a cave in and explosion in the mine of Harmony. When they finally rescue the guys there is only one left alive. Harry Warden. And he is in a coma, but it's pretty obvious that he killed the other men with a pick axe just so they wouldn't use up all the air and give himself a better chance at survival. He awakens at the hospital and slaughters everyone there. Okay, even I find that a little unbelievable. Everyone? Come on I don't buy that for a minute.
Then after waking up from his coma instead of being all happy he's alive he heads back to the mine where a bunch of kids are having a party. Yeah, not a good idea. In a short span of time he slaughters everyone down there with the exception of Axel, Tom, Irene and our heroine Sarah, played by Jamie King. He gets shot by the only and only Tom Atkins so you know he's gotta be dead, right?
Let's skip ahead ten years and see, shall we?
Tom, who escaped from the mine. Not Tom Atkins, the character named Tom, comes back to Harmony to settle some business. He is there to sell the mine which will effectively destroy the town of Harmony. This makes him a very unpopular person. To add insult to injury, his childhood sweetheart, Sarah has married his rival, Axel. And, if that wasn't enough, there's a guy who looks a lot like Harry Warden did whacking people with a pick axe. Seems that when it rains it pours in Harmony.
Then we get a bunch of small town goings on, a lot of slash and gash, one very nice naked female and what is supposed to be a bizarre twist ending. This is the part that made a lot of people mad.
See, early on we get a scene that completely clears one of the main characters of all wrong doings. With what we have been presented, there is no way in Hell that he can be the killer. Can't happen. But this is the movies, folks. What we see isn't always reality and apparently in this case what we saw was a hallucination by the person we stopped suspecting pretty early on. And the real killer is pretty smart. He does things that make it seem like someone else is doing the killings. Pretty smart, but in the end, makes perfect sense.
A lot of people seemed upset by this blatant manipulation and all I can say to them is this; Did you not watch slasher movies in the 80's. They treated us, for the most part, with complete disregard as to facts and what is a real and what isn't. This is no different. Actually, it comes across as something that Quentin Tarantino would do and then people would call it brilliant. Hell, it even gives us a non ending that should have the words MY BLOODY VALENTINE 2: ELECTRIC PICKAXE BOOGALOO written all over it.
And if they people at Lionsgate decide to go with that title, they can reach me here at this blog and we'll work out some sort of monetary agreement.
So, was it any good? Sure. Could have used more boobies. Jamie King could have given them up as we have seen them before. Megan Boone who plays Axel's cheating girlfriend definitely should have given up the puppies. The gore effects were fabulous and made me say ouch more than once. The 3D was in my face and that was cool, except for the huge headache I had for an hour or so afterwards. That kind of sucked. The coolest part for me was when the killer, who shall remain secret (It was tom. Not Tom Atkins, the other Tom) is smashing lights as he approaches Sarah and Axel. Every time there is the flare of an exploding bulb he briefly turns into Harry Warden. Pretty cool.
Now to the more important question. Is it better than it's predecessor?
No.
The original My Bloody Valentine worked for a number of reasons. For one the time frame from the original cave in to the present day was decades long which gave it more of a folk tale feel to it. Couple that with the realistic backdrop of where the film was made and the fact that nothing but no name actors were used and it gave a more realistic feel to the entire thing. The mine felt creepier, the killings seemed more brutal and the final reveal of the killer made a lot more sense in the process. The remake did ape a lot of what came before; the person getting stuffed in the dryer, people's names, the rivalry between Tom and Axel, for Sarah. Although, in the original, Tom's name was Jessie, but that's splitting hairs at this point.
In a sea of holiday based, slasher flicks, My Bloody Valentine from 1981 had more heart (no pun intended) and a Hell of a lot more logic. At least for a slasher flick. And with a new release that replaces all the gore that had originally been cut from the theatrical release waaaaay back in '81, this version is preferable over the carny show that is MY BLOODY VALENTINE IN 3D. If you're a 3D fan then by all means see it. I liked it and the last horror flick in 3D that I saw was Friday the 13th 3 in 3D.
Yeah, I know, I'm old.
Get out of here.

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