Friday, August 5, 2011

Cue The Meltdown.

I want to show you something.

Recognize it? Yeah, the only answer is yes. Sam Peckinpah gave us one of the most intense films of all time. It is, above all, a study in character. It shows a division of the classes and what happens when you play with fire.
It is an intense film and once seen is hard to forget.

Now, I want to show you this:

Before we begin, I would like to caution readers that I have no intention of censoring any sort of profanity that comes from this.

You have been warned.

See, Martha and some of the kids and I went to see The Smurfs this afternoon. Yes, I said The Smurfs. Don't judge me.
Anyway, as I went to refill our soda before the movie started I saw the second poster up there at the beginning of this article.
Before I knew what happened I managed to stop my hand for reaching for the poster. Reaching for it to tear it from the wall, shred it and piss on it right there in front of the gaggle of children that were off to see The Smurfs.
I commended myself for the control I exercised and went back to see The Smurfs, which was delightful. I will see it again when it comes to video and would see a second one.
On the way out we had to pass that damnable poster again.
Remakes should be remade for the following reasons.

1. Technology has advanced so far that the special effects would actually improve the film. This is not always true. The Day The World Stood Still is a perfect example of this exception.

2. The original is an ancient silent film where some dialogue and updating couldn't hurt. Once again, this is not always true. While I like Herzog's Nosferatu, I still watch the original more often.

3. The film is based on literature first. In this case it is a re imagining of another medium. This is not a remake, ever.

Now, let's examine Straw Dogs.

Does the film require new, flashy special effects? No. Is it an ancient silent film? No. IS it a work of literature? Well, unfortunately, yes. It's based on Gordon Williams novel The Siege of Trenchers Farm. Because of that it does fall within the rules that I set forth.

You know what?
Fuck the rules!
This is Straw Dogs! This is one of the greatest films of all times. Dustin Hoffman is so great in this flick. This is a no holds barred punch to the jugular whenever you watch it. When the film is over you have been there, side by side with Dustin Hoffman as he fights what he believes to be the fight of the righteous.
I am getting sick and tired of all these fucking remakes. Time to show these idiots who's the boss.
Recently, Stephen Bissette called for a boycott on all Marvel Comics properties that are based on the works of Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby's children got shafted recently in a court decision and Bissette feels that the only way to show Marvel who is boss is to boycott anything that Kirby touched in the Marvel Universe.
Good for him.
Now, I am calling for a boycott on all remakes.Especially this abomination that dares to call itself Straw Dogs. If no one sees it or God knows what is next down the pike, then maybe we can make a difference.
Unless they are shooting for a tax break or something.
Then we are screwed.
Also, I'm still watching the Fright Night remake.

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