Wednesday, March 11, 2009

WHY YOU MUST NOT SEE THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT



Before we begin I will give full warning that there are spoilers. I know what you're thinking. But, Doug, the movie hasn't been released yet, how can you have spoilers? Simple. The idiots who have made this one have prettty much given away every plot point to a movie that doesn't have much in the way of plot to begin with.
First, let's cover the original.
A first film my Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham, LAst House On The Left is brutal. David Hess as Krug is one of the most unforgiving, perverted, psychopaths to come down the cinematic pike in a while. Even today he is brutal in his portrayal of this degenerate. Can you imagine what the people thought in 1972? Shocking to say the very least.
The premise is that two young girls are on their way to see a rock concert and they want to score a little grass. They run into this funny kid who happens to tag along with this looney Krug and his flunkies. Pretty soon the two girls are dragged into the woods, raped, beaten, stabbed, forced to urinate on themselves and carved up like Christmas turkeys.
This extended scene is as brutal as I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE's extended rape scene was. It just keeps going and batters you over the head.
Well, eventually, the killers have car trouble and are forced to stop at a little house on a deserted stretch of road. They just happen to pick the house of one of the girls they have just violated and murdered. A clue leads the parents to find their daughter who dies.
The rest of the film is the calculated revenge of the two parents. This is a big crowd pleaser because revenge is always a crowd pleaser. Honestly, I would have done the same. God knows ytou couldn't turn this scum over to the American justice system. Put them down like a rabid dog. And they do in graphic detail.
See, pretty simple flick, right?
Now they want to remake it. Hell, they have reamde it and the advertising blitz tells us it will be here Friday. The killers look generic, the plot is the same, but they did one thing different.
THE DAUGHTER LIVES!!!
Okay, if they are able to save their daughter then why in the Hell are they killing everyone. The basic concept of Last House On The LEft is one of revenge. Take that away and you no longer have that movie. It becomes a different movie with a familiar title. Plus, the killers are lame.

Here is the original set of killers;



Now, here are the new ones;




Um, yeah, right. Not scary and pretty damned generic looking.

If you want to see LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, then by all means do so. You can by a very nice DVD of it or rent it from NETFLIX or your nearest video store. I recommend it and it's a very good film. This new one is crap and needs to be ignored. If we continue to support this crap then they will continue to make it.
Be intelligent and see what all the fuss is about with the new one by watching the original one instead.

Here's a trailer to show you why.

5 comments:

Nigel M said...

well said. really!

I will answer your call and not watch this one. This remake madness has to stop.

Douglas A. Waltz said...

Thanks, Nigel!

Keith said...

I definitely won't be going to see this one.

Peter said...

Sorry, mate, but the remake has Garret Dillahunt in it. The best, most addictive actor I've ever had the pleasure of seeing onscreen.

Douglas A. Waltz said...

I can understand the wanting to see the actor thingie, but, Man! This movie is just gonna stink onn ice! Hell, they show you the end with the guy with his head in the microwave in the clips. Are we, as viewers, really that stupid.

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