VALERIE (2002)

VALERIE (2002) 



83 Minutes/Widescreen 
Directed by Jay Lind

Editor's Note: This is not part of the box set that I am currently covering. Still, an excellent film.


Valerie (Maggi Horseman) has been the victim of a violent rape in her own home. To deal with this, Valerie has become submerged in a fantasy reality where she is a vampire. To reinforce this there are a number of people being murdered in the small town she lives in. The police are baffled and the body count rises. To complicate matters Valerie is slowly blossoming into womanhood and all the anguish that can bring. Her best friend Lori (Mellanie Love) is dealing with her own sexuality and adding to the confusion with her overtly sexual advances towards Valerie. Along comes Jack Sickert (Jay Lind) whom Valerie feels a true connection with regardless of the huge age difference. Unfortunately, the vampire fantasy is bleeding over into her reality more and more until it becomes impossible to tell which is which. The key to the problem is the identity of her attacker. Whatever happened Valerie has blocked the face of her attacker. The fantasy world has put the face of a malevolent vampire on the rapist. Valerie must go past the fantasy, force herself back into the situation which caused the trauma. She has to unveil her attacker and deal with it to resolve her conflict before the fantasy envelops reality completely. 
VALERIE is the newest film by underground sensation Jay Lind. A Jay Lind film is a personal thing. There are many themes that he explores over and over again in his cinema. Suicide, fantasy vs. reality, death, art. All of these things are what makes a Jay Lind film rise above the norm. VALERIE is no exception. A huge assistance in the telling of this tale is his newest discovery, Maggi Horseman. She manages to bring a mercurial quality to the lead. At one point she comes across as a sweet, innocent girl with a terrible burden. Then she shifts to temptress and then back again to innocence. She handles this effortlessly making the film an enjoyable experience. 
Director Lind brings a haunting quality to the look of his film. From stark reality footage to color washed scenes of fantasy. When the two worlds begin to collide you can see certain aspects of the film begin to shimmer uncontrollably. We are along for the ride when the lines between vampire and teenager begin to blur. 
The film even manages to rise above it's basic horror storyline. We get a pair of girls that are out of high school, but unsure of where to go next. Just yesterday they were little girls and now the world expects them to be women. Lori's sudden urges of lesbianism throw Valerie deeper into her vampire mode. Perhaps the most haunting images is at the dance studio they both frequent. One minute they are doing their stretches. The next they are in a deep blue world of undead dancers. It emphasis the fact that whatever secret Valerie has locked up in her subconscious is slowly driving her mad. 
As is common with any Jay Lind film he has filled it with gorgeous women, especially Ms. Horseman who is unclothed for a better part of the film. The music varies between a techno funk during bar sequences to a haunting melody reminiscent of the old Universal monster movies. As a whole the movie reminded me of George Romero's MARTIN which was probably a direct influence on VALERIE. This doesn't make it derivative of the older film. Just a different, very interesting take on a familiar theme. Director Lind once again gives us an engrossing, haunting, personal film that gives us a glimpse into his personal world. VALERIE is how a vampire movie should be. Character driven, fascinating and unforgettable. 

CLICK:THE CALENDAR GIRL KILLER (1990)

Directed by Ross Hagen & John Stewart
Written by David Chute, Ross Hagen, John Stewart, Hoke Howell, Carol Lynn & David Reskin
Starring Ross Hagen, Troy Donahue, Hoke Howell, Gregory Scott Cummins, Donna Spier, Keely Sims & Susan Jennifer Sullivan

Okay, we get to start off with a small boy being chastised by a huge nurse. She tells him his mommy is dead and now she is forced to take care of him.
Flash forward to the decade like no other, the 90s, and we have women posing for the manic camera work of one Jack (Ross Hagen) and his assistant, Alan (Troy Donahue). It's a wrap and the party starts soon after. Professional model Nancy (Donna Spier) shows up at the party, is unceremoniously dumped in the hot tub and goes from being a serious model to stripping down to nothing for Jack's camera.
But this is all just build up to the huge project Jack has planned at his ranch. He is doing a photo spread that  glorifies sex and violence. And he will get the expressions he wants...no matter what.
CLICK gives us what must have been a Ross Hagen moment. He helps write it, direct it and, no surprise I promise, is the killer dressed like a nurse. Yes, a female nurse, otherwise who would care?
The movie takes forever to get off the ground and my famous actress spotting skills revealed Susan Jennifer Sullivan who plays the blonde, bitchy girl in FRIDAY THE 13TH 7:THE NEW BLOOD. In this movie she plays, well the same thing. She looks the same, acts the same, leaves her clothes on the same. Pretty dull.
Donna Spier was nice enough to give us opening nudity and then another girl gets naked for the bathtub before being stabbed to death in it.
Hagen does his normal chewing up the scenery that is always expected from him and you have to wonder if it was just a slasher flick cash grab for him. Makes sense. If you watch the end credits it was actually made in 1989 so, the time frame is right.
I wonder how many people are looking for the Adam Sandler movie and get this instead. I also wonder if they finish watching it or make a quick exit. For slasher movies it is a little slow, but for complete madman acting skills, Hagen is the master of this flick. Just watching him makes the movie worthwhile.

I WONDER WHO’S KILLING HER NOW (1975)

Directed by Steven Hillard Stern

Written by Mickey Rose

Starring Bob Dishy, Joanna Barnes, Bill Dana, Harvey Jason, Severn Darden, Vito Scotti

I actually watched this one a while back, but have not bothered with a review. At first I think I was overwhelmed, but now I think I might have been underwhelmed.

Basic plot is that Jordan Oliver (Bob Dishy) has embezzled money from his father’s company. His wife Clarice (Joanna Barnes) is leaving him because he is worthless so he takes out an insurance policy and has a contract to have her killed.

Then he realizes he can’t go through with it and tracks down the hired gun. Unfortunately, the hitman hired another guy because he didn’t need all the money.

This happens several times and eventually, Jordan is on his way to Las Vegas with an entourage of bizarre and weird characters to stop the murder.

I don’t know. This should have been funny. The director has done good work like ROLLING VENGEANCE, a personal favorite, but this is just lifeless. The writer is a veteran of some pretty good television from the Golden Age and everything just falls flat. The whole thing has a poverty row version of IT’S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD and seems grimy and worthless.

It was fun to spot all the people I have seen in television and movies over the decades, I just wish it had been in a better movie.

THE VIRGIN QUEEN OF ST. FRANCIS HIGH (1987)

Directed by Francesco Lucente

Written by Francesco Lucente

Starring Joseph R. Straface, Stacy Christensen, J.T. Wotton, Anna Lisa Iapaolo, Lee Barringer

I saw the title of this and said, ‘Cool! I loves me some teen comedy.’ Yeah, I really do. Too bad there was none of that evident in this movie.

We start in some club where we determine that it is where teen agers hang out to socialize, dance and, apparently, drink. There is a lot of drinking here. I understand that it is shot in Canada. Is there a lot of underage drinking in Canada?

So, Mike (Joseph R. Straface) bets his buddy Randy (Lee Barringer) that he can bed beauty queen Diane (Stacy Christensen) before the summer is over. With the help of his buddy Charlie (J.T. Wotton), Mike is determined to win that bet.

He dreams about saving her as a spy fighting against Lee who is an evil spy. He lies to Diane’s mother about looking like the Elephant Man and eventually wears Diane down enough that she agrees to go to some place up in the woods where there are cabins and bears who try to kill them in the middle of the night.

They discover love, but Mike doesn’t want Diane to find out about the bet and Randy is just interested in trashing her virtuous reputation.

Oh no, what will happen?

I admit to having watched movies with less of a plot, but they have a lot more things that this movie does not. Funny dialogue, acting, nudity, fart jokes. Any of this would have been just fine. I mean the video box is trying to pass itself off as some FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH clone.

The end credits list that the movie had an original title that escapes me and I’m too lazy to go back and check. They do thank God first in the end credits which is always nice, but it sort of explains how the film is so chaste.

It makes me wonder if Crown International Pictures knew what they had before they bought it. Can you imagine being at the drive in for this thing back in the day. I’m pretty sure it would have pissed me off. As it is now it just bored me.

Lead actress Christiansen is very pretty to look at and lead actor Straface is probably the worst actor on the planet. If his dialogue was any more wooden you could have carved Pinocchio out of it.    

This makes WEEKEND PASS look good.

SAVAGE WEEKEND (1979)

I like how the back of the box practically gives away the end of the movie.

Directed by David Paulsen

Written by David Paulsen

Starring Christopher Allport, Jim Doeer, David Gale, Devin Goldenberg, Marilyn Hamlin, Caitlin O’Heaney, William Sanderson, Yancy Butler

Let’s do the plot first before we get into the meat an potatoes here, because I really, really remember the first time I saw this thing.

The movie starts with a scene from the end out of context. It makes you think one thing, but it’s something else altogether. You’ll see.

Marie (Marilyn Hamlin) is going to the country with her new boyfriend, Greg (Jeff Pomerantz) He has someone working on a boat for him, but Otis (William Sanderson) is a slacker so Greg is bringing his buddy Jay (Devin Goldberg) out to help on the boat. Marie is bringing her sister, Shirley (Caitlin O’Heaney) along and, for no other reason I can think of than they needed a flamboyant gay man along for the ride, they bring Nicky (Christopher Allport).

Once they get out there it is obvious that Otis is insane. Shirley lets Jay have his way with her and Greg and Marie rut around when time permits. Handyman/Lumberjack Mac (David Gale) makes eyes at Marie and she wants to let him, but stops herself.

Then the killer shows up. Wearing work gloves and a crummy rubber mask he cuts a bloody swath through the city folk. One of the more imaginative deaths is Nicky who gets a hat pin through the ear into the brain. Another one involving a table saw with faulty wiring is actually a little funny when we get to the payoff.

In the end, the killer is revealed. It’s no big surprise and the remaining survivor is left with a giant plate of mental scarring.

I remember watching one of my favorite slasher flicks, HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE (1980) My brother and I went to see it at the theater and there’s the scene in the beginning where the girl gets stabbed in the movie theater. Yeah, we looked behind us. Yes, there was a guy sitting behind us and, yes, we changed seats. Go ahead, laugh. I do everytime I remember this.

Anyway, I really liked the lead in the flick, Caitlin O’Heaney so, when I saw this movie at the mom and pop rental store I knew I had to try it. Imagine my surprise when we get a lot of her naked in this film. The ladies in the film are pretty sparse so we get as much naked as they can give us. Sure there is the flashback scene where Otis brands his woman’s chest with an H because she’s a whore, Otis can’t spell, but that scene is a little gruesome. There are a few gore scenes that work pretty well in here. Besides the branding there is a chainsaw ripping through flesh that looks pretty good.

And we get to see David Gale as a lumberjack, compete with handlebar mustache. How cool is that. And for all you sharp eyed folk that spotted Yancy Butler of Witchblade fame up there in the credits. Yeah, she’s Mac’s little girl and has one scene. She’s six.

This is a movie of it’s time. Slasher flicks were just starting and the video store movement helped get this thing out there. The more I think about it the more I might have actually seen this in a theater first. I haven’t watched it since the 80s and it has remained etched into my brain better than much more important things.

Weird how that works, isn’t it?

Final thing. Christopher Allport played Nicky like the perfect gay caricature of a man and he was fun to see in the movie. His career spanned decades from things like TO LIVE AND DIE IN LA to those God Awful Jack Frost movies. Not the Michael Keaton one, the psycho killer snowman ones. Anyway, I saw that he died and I was a little sad. Then IMDb was kind enough to list cause of death.

Avalanche.

Really???

Avalanche???

That is a unique way to check out and he was always good in whatever I saw him in. He will be missed.

SAVAGE WEEKEND is something for all slasher fans to make sure they don’t miss. Go see it for Nicky. You’ll be glad you did.  

JIVE TURKEY (1974)

Directed by Bill Braeme

Written by Fredricka DeCosta

Starring Frank DeKova, Paul Harris, Frances E. Williams, Reginald Farmer, Don Edmonson & Larry Greene.

Also known as BABY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES, A terrible title if there ever was one, deals with the Italian Mob wanting to cut in on Pasha’s (Paul Harris) number running. The head of the family Big Tony (Frank DeKova) warns Pasha that he has  a man on the inside and knows everything. Pasha tells him to get stuffed and lets his assassin Serene (Don Edmonson) kill one of Big Tony’s flunkies.

Sweetman (Reginald Farmer) is Pasha’s number one number runner and soon it becomes obvious that LA is going to become a blood bath if something isn’t done. And, to make matters worse, it’s an election year and the mayor has decided that number running will be his crusade to win the election. Forget about the drugs and prostitution. People gambling must be stopped.

JIVE TURKEY is a slice of blaxploitation from the 70s. Loud suits, jive talking and some of the bloodier murders I’ve seen in this kind of picture. Serene kills two hitmen by drugging them and bashing their faces in with her high heels. Pasha destroys a thugs face with the butt of his gun and blood spurts covering everything. At the end when the stool pigeon gets gunned down in a phone booth the red is literally everywhere.

In the beginning it does say it is based on fact and things have been changed to protect the innocent, but there aren’t really any innocents in this movie. Every character is bad and sort of get what’s coming to them in the end.

If you think you’ve seen all te blaxploitation out there and have never heard of this low budget semi classic, you should definitely give it a watch.   

BLACK HOOKER (1974)

Great Poster. Most of the images never happen in the movie.

Directed by Arthur Roberson
Written by Arthur Roberson
Starring Durey Mason, Sandra Alexandra, Jeff Burton & Kathryn Jackson

Also known as STREET SISTERS, this is the only film made by the writer/director and it's based on a play that he wrote. The basic concept is that The Painted Woman (Sandra Alexandra) leaves her all white bastard child (Teddy Quinn) with Grandma (Kathryn Jackson) and Grandpa (Jeff Burton). Grandpa is the local preacher for all the colored folks and they live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I would guess by certain clothing styles and the cars that we are firmly in the 1920s. So, having a blonde haired, blue eyed little boy running around was a bit of a shock.
To make sure we know what the title of the movie is, we get The Painted Woman doing her job with a white john. Afterwards, her pimp beats the Hell out of him and we aren't really sure why.
Years pass and The Boy (Durey Mason) has grown into a man, but they still refer to him as the boy. No one in this movie has a name. The Boys' child hood companion the Girl (Mary Reed, played by Gioya Roberson as a youngster. Related perhaps?) seem to be in love, but one day The Boy comes home and finds his Grandpa in the barn with The Girl having sex.
He has had enough, he leaves the farm and goes to the city to find his mother, but she wants nothing to do with him. He gets a job at a local store but the owner's wife(Stevie Freeman) puts the moves on him and the owner(Donald Blades) catches them.
Apparently, after that the Boy goes to school and he tells his Grandma he is coming to get her to take her to his graduation. The Painted Lady arrives first and the fight between her and Grandpa is too much for her old heart to take and she dies. We then get a weird, sepia tone funeral in the desert with a bizarre coffin. The Boy grieves for the only person in the world who loved him and in the end his mother snaps him back to reality and tells her she is sick and needs his mercy and help in her time of trouble.
This is too much for The Boy and he snaps, killing his mother.
When he sees what he has done he cries out for help.
The screen goes black.
The end.

Seems a little odd doesn't it? It makes me wonder what the exploitation crowd must have thought when they saw it. Sure, we do get two scenes of obligatory nudity in the film, but it comes with this weird vibe throughout the film. I can guess that since the playwright also wrote the screenplay and directed the film that he might have been too close to the project. Some of the cinematography by Foley Artist Joseph Holsen in breathtaking. It looks as good as it might ever get. I do wish that it had been presented widescreen. It is obvious that we are losing acres of information on both sides of the screen.

I also wonder if a longer print exists. After the Owner of the store confronts The Boy with his wife we get nothing else. No resolution. We never get a reason why the pimp beats up The Painted Lady's first john in the film. Usually that is done to roll the sucker and take all of his cash, but they just pound the guy and throw him down some stairs. Why?

Grandpa, Grandma and the child actor who played The Boy in the beginning have all gone on to make other films, but that was it. The rest of this cast is a single movie listing and that is it.

Just an odd, creepy, weird flick. Not at all what I expected when I saw the title BLACK HOOKER.

That might have been a good thing.