NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE (1986)

  Being such a huge fan of the show Gene Simmons Family Jewels I decided to rewatch all of his film efforts.
I started with the one that is the most fun.
How can you go wrong with John Stamos, Vanity and Gene Simmons in a film. Gene plays Ragnar a hermaphroditic super villain bent on extorting a city by threatening to poison its water supply. With his/her endless supply of goons that look like they stepped from The Road Warrior, Gene manages to chew the scenery with relish.
This is the best, mindless action movie of its time. The villain is over the top. Vanity looks amazing in clothes and out of them. I didn't even mind John Stamos. With short appearances by Robert Englund and George Lazenby this is the cult flick that everyone should be watching.
And the scene where Stamos has to beat Simmons by biting one of his boobs. EPIC!
And to finish this out with a bang, here are the lyrics of the song 'Stargrove' which is about Stamos because that's his characters last name.

"Are ya feeling like breaking out?

Looking for danger

Feeling adventurous

Then you must

Put your trust

Not in a stranger



Playin' your own game

Do it your own way

Keepin' your own sound

That you found

Goin' down

Playin' like you play



Who knows what you'll find

You might like it, or not

But all that you find, boy

Is all that you got



(Stargrove!) Flying like you've never flown

(Stargrove!) Runnin' through a danger zone

(Stargrove!) Are you gonna stand alone?

Stargrove! Stargrove!



You feel like takin'

The world on your shoulders

You're just a Robin Hood

Makin' good

Where you could

You're one of the soldiers



Faster than lightning

Nothing can strike you

You got the good stuff

Tough enough

Stayin' rough

There's no one like you



Who knows what you'll find

You might like it, or not

But all that you find, boy

Is all that you got



(Stargrove!) Flying like you've never flown

(Stargrove!) Runnin' through a danger zone

(Stargrove!) Are you gonna stand alone?

Stargrove! Stargrove!"

It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?





Never Too Young to Die [VHS]

DRAWING FLIES (1996)

Right After CLERKS comes this bizarre little flick that has Jason Mewes, Jason Lee, Kevin Smith (in a teeny tiny role) Joey Lauren Adams and the one girl from Mallrats that is doing the scientific research on having sex with guys. I forget her name. Oh yeah, and Scott Mosier in a diaper.
Basically there is a group of five friends that have reached the end of their welfare run and have no prospects. Jason Lee is visited by a vision of Sasquatch and tricks his friends to make the journey into the wilderness to find the fabled beast.
Shot in black and white and about as rough as CLERKS was, DRAWING FLIES has an extremely dry sense of humor. While there are a few funny moments the film is just...well, there. It's interesting to see these actors when they were young doing this, but the flick is not all that great.
For curiosity seekers only, DRAWING FLIES is good for a single viewing.

From The Jackwagons over at Ain't It Cool News

So, I have no idea why I still check out their site. They irritate me on a daily basis.

Watch this video;



They try using this to say that Romero zombies run. Gee, the dead guy here only really moved fast in two instances;
One, going downhill. Yeah, I can see dead weight moving a little faster when affected by gravity.
Two, Romero zombies always move a little quicker when they get near warm, yummy human flesh. In EVERY MOVIE THIS HAPPENS.
Must be a slow news day over there.
And let me finish with;
RUNNING ZOMBIES SUCK!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled lives.
Enjoy!

RETURN OF THE BLOODSUCKING NAZI ZOMBIES Part 1

Watch this immediately!

A Little Help Please

I have an unnatural fascination for the film, SOMETIMES AUNT MARTHA DOES DREADFUL THINGS. I have contacted Scott Crawford who is zero help. I need Abe Zwick!
HELP ME!!

MAU MAU SEX SEX

MAU MAU SEX SEX tells the story of independent film makers David F. Friedman and Dan Sonney. Sonney actually came first as his father Louis Sonney is believed to be one of the founding fathers of exploitation films. These two men made films like A SMELL OF HONEY A SWALLOW OF BRINE, TRADER HORNEE & THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF ZORRO to name a couple in a sea of hundreds. Friedman, an old carny man and Sonney, the son of one of the originators of the exploitation flick combined forces to make a fortune and leave an indelible imprint in film history.

MAU MAU SEX SEX is an endearing portraits of these two gentlemen in 2001. Unfortunately, Sonney has since passed on. This documentary takes us on a journey with two legends of exploitation as they examine their beginnings leading up to revisiting the studios that started it all. Funny enough, the studio is now a church.

MAU MAU SEX SEX is one of the best examinations of the world of exploitation and the men who made it happen. Any true fan of the genre needs to watch this.

I couldn't find a trailer for the flick so instead I present a trailer to one of their best...TRADER HORNEE!

Enjoy!

 

Happy Birthday to a pair of lovely ladies!

I am referring, of course, to Tura Satana and Jessica Simpson. And before you start going off on Jessica Simpson, save your breath. I have no interest in her detractors. As for Tura detractors, you better watch it. She might kick your ass.