CarousHELL (2016)

CarousHELL

2016

Directed by Steve Rudzinski

Written by Aleen Isley & Steve Rudzinski

Starring Steve Rimpici, Se Marie, Haley Madison, Chris Proud, Teague Shaw & Steve Rudzinski

Duke (Steve Rimpici) has had enough. He works day in day out at the local amusement park and has finally had enough of the snot nosed brats that ride him. See, Duke is a carousel unicorn. Thus we get the pun from the title of the film. His focus of rage is a brat nicknamed Lunchbox (Teague Shaw). The little monster actually collects lunch boxes, thus the nickname. Also, he can’t stop eating. His sister, Laurie (Se Marie, who I thought I had seen previously in a Bill Zebub production and was wrong) is stuck with him for the day because mom has to work.

Laurie doesn’t care. She has plans to go to a party and have a blast with her boyfriend no matter what. Sarah (Haley Madison, who I recognized from multiple Henrique Couto productions and was right this time) is throwing the party and we have all sorts of fun people there. An incestuous foreign couple. A serial killer. And then there’s Preston (Chris Proud) Popped collar and channeling his best Ryan Reynolds. Once we stir in Joe, the pizza guy (Steve Rudzinski) who just wants to get paid for his pizzas we have the perfect setting for a massacre.

Duke is killing anyone who stands in his way of slaughtering Lunchbox.

I saw this in the perfect place…Cinema Wasteland. It was Saturday night and we were all wired from attending A. Ghastlee Ghoul’s Saturday Night At The Movies. I was familiar with Rudzinski’s work and have seen a lot of his previous films.

Nothing prepared me for CarousHELL.

See, you get the carousel unicorn and his first victim is one of the amusement park workers and he skewers him with his horn. Makes sense. I was worried that continued multiple impalings would get dull.

Never fear.

The very next person he sneaks up on he brandishes a huge machete and buries it in their skull.

I could not stop laughing from that point onward. This movie has some of the best executed, most creative kills I have seen in a very long time. I think Duke should have his own series of films at this point. I really could watch him plow through tons of clueless millenials on a regular basis and it would never ever ever get old.

I mentioned that Chris Proud was channeling Ryan Reynolds. It wasn’t meant as mean or degrading. He nails it and is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while.

If you’re looking for something new. Something different. Something with the weirdest sex scene you will see in your entire life then I must insist you watch this movie.

You can thank me when you see me.

            

HECTIC KNIFE (2016)

HECTIC KNIFE

2016

Directed by Greg DeLiso

Written by Greg DeLiso & Peter Litvin

Starring Peter Litvin, Georgia Kate Haege, J.J. Brine, John Munnelly, Traci Ann Wolfe, Richard Kohn & Rockin Ray as Himself

In a world similar to our own there is a vigilante roaming the streets of New York City. He destroys the junkies, the drug dealers, pretty much anyone who is evil and destructive. His name is Hectic Knife and armed with his two trusty knives and an uncanny ability to regenerate from any wound, even self inflicted ones, he is out to make the world a better place.

But, there’s no money in the world saving business so he advertises for a new roommate and ends up with Link (John Munnelly) who with his comic books and fat stacks of cash, moves in right away.

Consisting on a diet of nothing but hard boiled eggs and the occasionally fried gun and cardboard (???) he dispatches thugs left and right. When he saves a young girl, Frannie Glooper (Georgia Kate Haege), she follows him home declaring herself as his girlfriend.

When Hectic beats the crap out of three drug dealers he finds that they are working for the nefarious Piggly Doctor (J.J. Brine). A madman who wants to bring about the end of the world by hooking everyone on drugs and blowing up small children.

Hectic Knife must call upon his mad skills of knife wielding to save the day, the planet, and the children and maybe even himself.

I go to a convention twice a year. Cinema Wasteland. Held the first weekend of April and October every year it has been a Waltz tradition for over a decade. I was walking through the dealers room with the always lovely Martha Waltz when a man in a long, blonde wig, face covered in blood approached us with flyers in hand. He was pimping his new film being released by Troma. That film was Hectic Knife. When I expressed my enthusiasm for what sounded like an epic film he gave us a special screener copy of his movie along with a CD of his own music. (The music is cool, thanks Peter – DW)

I had zero expectations when I started the movie.

It exceeded all of them.

See, I’m an old fart and have watched so many movies that I remember when there were these amazing underground film makers like Kenneth Anger, Richard Kern and Nick Zedd. I can remember seeing movies like Liquid Sky and Repo Man that defied ordinary film making.

Now I can add Hectic Knife to that eclectic blend of bizarre, weird and downright insane films that I can watch over and over again with no boredom creeping in around the edges. Using the black and white mode coupled with some grainy effects that can only be achieved through film and some really good computer programs this movie feels like it was made in the 80s and someone just dug it out of a hole for all of us to enjoy as it was meant to be.

Hectic Knife is pure underground cinematic perfection.

The characters are fully aware that you’re watching them. Little touches of color creep in when appropriate like when one of the drug dealers can’t stop talking about how orange the pills are. I especially liked the scene where Frannie introduced herself to Link and she did it about twenty times in about twenty accents. It sounds like a lot, but it works really well. The idea that people in this universe eat things like fried guns and cardboard are genius. It reminded me of the odd world created in the film The Dark Backward.

Hectic Knife has two friends in the whole world in this movie his buddy Harry who is a Vietnam Vet that plays chess and kicks ass. He is awesome in this film. But, then Rockin Ray comes along. Rockin Ray is driving this car painted with a mural of awesomeness and has many things festooned about the entire surface. He is driving through the neighborhoods preaching his gospel of no drugs through a loudspeaker on the car. Imagine my surprise when I saw that he is a real person!

 The entire film reminded me of a better time in film. A time when people took chances and it got shown in a theater. This would play so well in a theater so it did my heart good to see that it will be having some screenings.

I have no idea what brought that young man who I now know is the star of Hectic Knife, Peter Litvin, to hand over a copy of the film that he helped to bring into this world, but it made my day.

Now, if you will excuse me I must go and spread the word of the magnificent piece of cinema known as…HECTIC KNIFE!